Help me out here. This should be fun.

[immoderate]

A friend forwarded this E-mail from a freeper that he knows. I’ll present it verbatim.

Upcoming 2006 Democratic Convention Agenda !!!!!! (sic)

6:00 p.m. - Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:05 p.m. - Opening prayers by Rev. Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton
6:30 p.m. - Anti-war concert by Barbra Streisand.
6:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00 p.m. - Tribute theme to France.
7:10 p.m. - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund.
7:25 p.m. - Tribute theme to Germany.
7:45 p.m. - Anti-war rally (Moderated by Michael Moore)
8:25 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:30 p.m. - Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00 p.m. - Gay marriage ceremony (both male and female couples)
9:30.p.m. - * Intermission *
10:00.p.m. - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins
10:10 p.m. - Re-enactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:20.p.m. - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:30 p.m. - Abortion demonstration by N.A.R.A.L.
10:40 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:50 p.m. - Pledge of allegiance to the UN.
11:00 p.m. - Multiple gay marriage ceremony (threesomes, mixed and same sex). Rep. Barney Frank (D,Mass.), Sponsor
11:15 p.m. - Maximizing Welfare workshop.
11:30 p.m. - 'Free Saddam' pep rally led by Jane Fonda.
11:59 p.m. - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:00 a.m. - Nomination of democratic candidate.
Any chance we could get Ted Kennedy to drive Hillary home from the convention?

I thought that he should know what events might be on the agenda for the upcoming Republican Convention. I have a few ideas, but I want to take advantage of the legendary DU collective creativity. :) In some cases I have an idea for an activity but I don’t have the best names to go with them. I don’t think I have to say any more. I’ll edit the suggestions and post the result so DUers can send them out. I’ll add times later.

Republican Convention Agenda

Opening salute to the Confederate flag – Jeff Gannon and the Military Stud Color Guard.
George Allen sings “Oh My Macaca”

Opening prayer by Revs. Falwell, and Robertson. (Robertson will cure Dick Cheney’s gout.)

Constitution burning ceremony

Medley of patriotic songs and dances – Britney Spears

Dramatic reading of “Mein Pet Goat” by President George W. Bush, while the Twin Towers’ collapse is projected on the big screen.

Tribute to Torquemada – Alberto Gonzalez

Pedophilia Workshop – by (need names here)

Al Queada recruitment video by Osama bin Laden.

Corporate Welfare Workshop – Oil Company, Halliburton, Bechtel Executives

Defense of Marriage Workshop – Newt Gingrich

Integrity in Journalism – Armstrong Williams

Please feel free to make suggestions and corrections. I appreciate all your contributions.

--IMM

[RaleighNCDUer]

1. Fundraising Workshop - Jack Abramoff

[immoderate]

4. That reminds me. I forgot...

The frog-marching brigade: Duke Cunningham, Bob Ney, Scooter Libby, Abramoff, and...?

--IMM

[wicket]

2. Here are a few:

Torture demonstration by Alberto Gonzales.

Color Guard by 101st Fighting Keyboardists.

How to Run an Effective Smear Campaign by Karl Rove.

Ways to Dodge Military Service by Dick Cheney.

How to go AWOL and get away with it by George W. Bush.

[Liberal Dose]

3. Constitution Burning Ceremony (fire is extinguished with fresh urine)

:7

[radfringe]

5. where's the waterboarding demonstration? n/t

[immoderate]

7. It will be there.

I was hoping for someone to add the proper ironic context.

--IMM

[radfringe]

14. here:

1:30 pm WATERBOARDING Demonstration at the watercooler.
NOTE: Please do not feed the detainee 1 hour prior to demonstration, we do not want him to get cramps and drown.

[immoderate]

20. Yup, that's it.

Merci.

--IMM

[MrCoffee]

6. Ok, fess up, which one of you leaked the agenda?

[cynatnite]

8. Escalating oil consumption and global warming seminar...

CEO's of Halliburton and Exxon presenting.

[NoAmericanTaliban]

9. Here is one I did for the GOP 2004 convention

For 2006 we may need to add some torture stuff & Katrina - - condi sings - T'hese boots I bought in NY were made for walking all over you'


2004 Republican National Convention - Official Program

Themes
If you cannot beat ‘em cheat ‘em
Leave no Millionaire behind

Note: Only the haves and have mores will be emitted!!

6:00PM - Opening goose-stepping & tree cutting ceremony
6:05PM - Pledge of Allegiance to OPEC
6:10PM - Secular words by Rev. Jim Baker & Cardinal Bernard Law
6:20PM - Hava Nagilah – sung by the Neocons
6:30PM - Pro-war concert by Lockheed & Boeing
6:45PM - W proposes a toast.
6:47PM – Rush pops pain pills
6:50PM – O’Reilly shouts ‘Shut up!’
7:00PM - Tribute theme to the Third Reich – my kind of old Europe
7:10PM - Collection offerings for the Free Kenny Boy foundation
7:30PM - Tribute theme to Saudi Arabia sponsored by Texaco
7:45PM – Fear as a WMD rally moderated by Ridge & Ashcroft
8:00PM – Jenna & Barbara debate ‘It taste great’ vs. ‘Its less filling’
8:15PM – Michael Moore, Al Franken & Gramma Millie effigy burning rally
8:25PM - W proposes a toast
8:27PM – Rush pops pain pills
8:29PM - O’Reilly shouts ‘Shut up!’
8:30PM – Teachers are Terrorist workshop
8:45PM – Ashcroft seminar on ‘Peephole Looking and Bed Sheet Sniffing’
9:00PM - Gay bashing and lynching ceremony
9:10PM – Power Blackout – sponsored by Enron
9:15PM – FCC announces complete censorship for all anti-Bush speech
9:30PM – Fox news reveals new brainwashing & spinning techniques
10:00PM - Posting the Saudi Colors by Halliburton and Bush Sr.
10:10PM – Reenactment of the Rumsfield and Sadam handshake to the tune of ‘Why can’t we be friends’ by War
10:20PM - Cameo by Cheney ‘F..K You!’
10:30PM - Abortion clinic bombing and doctor assassination demonstrations by the Pro-Life Action league
10:40PM – Arnold speaks on ‘How grouping women is a family value’
10:50PM - Special thanks to the Washington Times & the Drudge Report
11:00PM – Gay children of Republicans - Trust Fund study group
11:15PM – We bring you the Error in Terror workshop by ‘Mushroom Cloud’ Rice and ‘Slam Dunk’ Tenet
11:30PM – We don’t read no stinkin newspapers pep rally
11:40PM – Announcement for all African-American stage props to surround W for photo op
11:50PM - W chocks on a pretzel while proposing a toast
11:51PM – Rush hires a lawyer
11:53PM - O’Reilly spins himself dizzy
12:00AM - Lockstep Nomination of Republican candidate
12:05AM – The Rove Puppet Show
12:10AM – W accepts nomination by reading ‘My Pet Goat’
12:30AM – ‘Barefoot & Pregnant’ sung by the Christian Talibans
01:30AM – WMD hunt in convention hall. Winner gets to keep it
01:50AM – ‘ChickenHawk Dance’ by the Neocons & the Religious Reich


NEW: 5:00am –Laura Bush will conduct a driving class

[immoderate]

13. LOL -- Too good!

Lots of good stuff. Can I steal it?

--IMM

[NoAmericanTaliban]

19. Be my guest.

You can use it as a template. need to update some names & a few events to make it current - Here are some:

Steve 'Macaca' Allen burns a cross while pledging allegiance to the KKK
WWJT - Who Would Jesus Torture - song sung by the Holly Crappers
Torture Czar Gonzalez demonstrates water torture techniques
Why not paying US taxes is good - speech by Fortune 500
All media is Liberal - by Rupert Murdock, Washington 'Moonie' Times, Drudge, Rush Pill Head, Faux News, ABC, CNN(Faux Lite) , etc.
War against Middle Class is your patriotic duty - by Billionaires for Bush
Quail Hunting Techniques - by Dick 'I'm not Drunk' Cheney - warning - please vacate first 5 rows

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

10. ...

RNC convention


6:00 p.m. - Opening Constitution burning ceremony.
6:05 p.m. - Opening prayers by Rev. Fred Phelps and Rev. Jerry Falwell
6:30 p.m. - Pro-war concert by Toby Keith.
6:40 p.m. - George Bush visits restroom to "powder his nose."
7:00 p.m. - Tribute theme to the success in Iraq.
7:10 p.m. - Collect offerings for Abu Ghraib defense fund.
7:25 p.m. - Tribute theme to Nazi Germany.
7:45 p.m. - Pro-war rally (Moderated by any given draft dodger.)
8:25 p.m. - George Bush Sr. pukes on adjacent guest.
8:30 p.m. - Terrorist building workshop.
9:00 p.m. - Gay bashing ceremony (both male and female brick-throwers)
9:30.p.m. - * Intermission *
10:00.p.m. - Posting the Confederate Flag by George Allen and David Duke
10:10 p.m. - Re-enactment of Bush deserting the National Guard.
10:20.p.m. - Cameo by Bush "I don't care about finding bin Laden"
10:30 p.m. - Molestation demonstration by N.A.M.B.L.A.
10:40 p.m. - Gang bang of Anne Coulter.
10:50 p.m. - Pledge of allegiance to Halliburton
11:00 p.m. - Defense of Marriage ceremony (attendees return to their rooms for threesomes, mixed and same sex). Henry Hyde, Sponsor
11:15 p.m. - Maximizing Corporate tax breaks workshop.
11:30 p.m. - 'Sell Saddam WMDs' pep rally led by Donald Rumsfeld.
11:59 p.m. - George Bush leaves for three month vacation.
12:00 a.m. - Nomination of republican candidate.
Any chance we could get Bill Janklow to drive George home from the convention?

[immoderate]

15. I see this has been done before.

I'm going to steal some of this, OK.

Any chance we could get Bill Janklow to drive George home from the convention?:rofl:

--IMM

[MamaBear]

11. Find a place to work in the Jesus Camp Colorguard.

Abortion Clinic Bombing demonstration, perhaps.

New Orleans: How To Steal An American City for New Development

Oh, I don't know. A Bill Bennett presentation on rating the odds for the upcomning election.

Armstrong Williams tells you the real truth about reading and stuff.

[Parche]

12. contributions

Hunting 101 with Dick Cheney
Jesus Camp video: How to brainwash YOUR children (Pat Robertson presiding)
Bunker busting Nukular demonstration
Ann Coulter teaches the right way to fly on a broomstick (Lynne Cheney and Karen Hughes also speak)
Special showing of Rush's 'Cyst' in a jar (That saved him from the draft)
Fun with Insecticides : With Tom Delay
Coke is it: GW Bush speaks
How to dodge the draft sing along: Dick Cheney, Rush, etc
War is great :Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney
Waterboarding and you :Jeff Sessions R-AL
US Constitution burning :Everyone

[bigbrother05]

16. How to steal an election speaker Diabold

[immoderate]

18. Sounds like the "Voting Machine Configuration Workshop"

Thanks.

--IMM

[radfringe]

17. Entertainment - GOP Cheerleading team, followed by a movie