More troops needed for this year's "War on Christmas."

[Cyrano]

Since O'Reilly and many other wingnuts will again accuse us of fighting a "War against Christmas," it's time we launched this year's attack.

A couple of days ago, I posted a reminder that it's that time of year again. Many have signed up, but more are needed.

To date, I've dispatched a team of Druid warriors armed with snow blowers to bury Santa's workshop. Any surviving elves will be included in this year's recipe for elf pot pie.

A petition has been sent to God asking Him/Her/It to smite anyone who utters the phrase, "Merry Christmas." ("Happy holidays" is an acceptable phrase.)

A team of northeastern, liberal, wine-sipping elites will be hunting down any ice carvings of Jesus and covering them up with battery-powered electric blankets.

So what are you doing to help this year's "War on Christmas" effort?

[patrice]

1. I promise to use the words "Christian hypocrits" in public at least

once a week.

I'm also doing my gifts this year with The Heiffer Project http://www.heifer.org/site/c.edJRKQNiFiG/b.204586/k.9430/Gift_Catalog.htm?msource=kw222c1&gclid=CJ-Zw56pkogCFRbISAod1U5J9g

[shirlden]

9. I did that last year

Because most on my list are of the bleeding-heart librul species, they greatly appreciated this gift.

:dem:

[bluestateguy]

2. We'll destroy Christmas this year, guaranteed

A make America into a Liberal Secularist Paradise!

[wryter2000]

3. I'll do my part

I'll seduce a couple of elves and get it all on tape. That'll ruin Christmas for them.

[Cyrano]

4. Just make sure they're over 18.

[madinmaryland]

5. Haven't Foley and other Pubs done that already?

:shrug:

[Coexist]

6. I'm usually really busy around the holidays-

but I can send out my teenagers with safety pins to take out the inflatable yard art.

[Cyrano]

14. Good idea. I've always wondered whether those with the most

yard art own painting collections of Elvis on velvet.

[spinbaby]

7. I'm dressing up as a witch...

...and decorating my witch's hat with Christmas decorations. Then I'll use Christmas cookies to entice unsuspecting tots to the dark side.

[Union Thug]

8. I'll invoke Woden and the Wild Hunt for air strikes on unsuspecting

consumers happily shopping for holiday gifts!

[badgerpup]

31. Ah, yes, Woden, Freya, Thor, Loki...

Now THERE'S an Olde Tyme Religion!
:rofl:

[ContraCommando]

10. The war on Halloween

“So what are you doing to help this year's "War on Christmas" effort?

I plan to cover myself in green paint and attempt to steal it, all while chanting some unintelligible crap about George Soros destroying America.

If they want to talk about “the war on Christmas, why shouldn’t we talk about the “war on Halloween?”

“Halloween is a real, sacred day for those who follow Wicca. In fact, it is one of two high and holy days for them. The Celtic belief of spirits being released is current, along with the worship of Samhain (the lord of death) – both are promoted as something to embrace on that day. There is no question in my mind that to those who believe and follow the practices of witchcraft, Halloween represents an opportunity to embrace the evil, devilish, dark side of the spiritual world.

(snip)

My suggestion? Christians should be teaching their children (age appropriately) that:

those who celebrate Halloween either are unaware of its roots, or are intentionally promoting a world where evil is lauded and viewed as an ultimate power.

To counter the evil influence of Halloween, we need to join together and celebrate the reality of the heroic efforts of Christian saints over the evil in their day. Many leaders in the past -- and present -- have fulfilled the mandate of destroying the works of the devil through their sacrificial commitment to Christ and His Kingdom.

http://www.700club.com/spirituallife/OnlineDiscipleship/Halloween/halloween_Watt05.aspx

Happy Halloween from the 700 club!
Or, the war against Halloween…….Faux news, I’m talking to you

[JoDog]

25. Sometimes I forget

exactly how backward their information about such a sacred time is. I used to wonder if such folk were innocently misinformed, whether this is just what they wanted to believe, or if this definintion of Halloween is simply the one that scares that most people into donating to their twisted cause.

I no longer wonder. I know it's the third.

Happy Samhain to my fellow broom riders!

[Kurovski]

11. Howard Dean and I are heading up a fifty-state

"Theft of Baby Jesus Squad" for Nativity Scenes everywhere.

I'm also putting liquefied coal in many Republican representative's stockings this year. And on Christmas Eve, Bill O'Reilly gets a public flogging with the world's biggest loofah in Macy's window.

It should be quite a victory in the war on Christmas.

--Reposted (because it's so very important.)

[Critters2]

13. Ya know, Dean's UCC...not a REAL Christian

[Kurovski]

56. It's great because it pisses off the folks

who think they ARE real Christians. :bounce:

[Cyrano]

16. Excellent. You are a true anti-Christmas warrior deserving

praise for doing your part in this "War."

[Kurovski]

18. I'm also going to do what I can to dull the glint in wee childrens' eyes.

I'm going to remind them of the horrible end that dear Saviour Jesus finally met.

Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ" DVD is my gift to all those children 12 years of age and younger.

[Critters2]

12. I just bought a Yule Log to place in my new fireplace.

Notice it's not a "Christmas Log". Just doin' my part!

Here it is, btw...http://www.birchcraftinc.com/yule_logs.asp

[mongo]

15. Doing my part

And yes, that's a 6 foot inflatable penis with garland and santa hat -- the tree is decorated in mini cocks and lube packets.

[Kurovski]

34. A tree decked out in "hornyments" for that special holiday feeling.

:thumbsup: Do you do the cheeselog thing?

[mongo]

46. LOL!!!!

:rofl:

My private cheeselog practices are my own business - thank you very much!

[Kurovski]

50. Merry Coitus, and a happy Nude Year!

:hi:

[shirlden]

17. I am going to start a rumor

that Santa Claus is a republican and has been sending inappropriate e-mails to his male elves for many years and that Mrs Clause has been carrying on an affair with Rudolph.

Sorry kids, no Christmas for those of you with fundie parents.

:evilgrin:

[MindPilot]

19. I'm sending PETA & Earth First activists to monkey-wrench the sleigh

Santa won't be able to make his run until the reindeer are replaced with hybrids.

And if he does make it down from the pole, all my homies are leaving out milk & roofies.

[noonwitch]

20. I'm going to find the Burgermeister-meisterburger and let him take care of it

From that puppet movie.

[Mad_Dem_X]

44. LMAO! I want to recruit

Heat Miser to burn them up.

[Greyhound]

21. K & R

I have to go but will be back tonight to make my contribution.

Fight the Good Fights!:kick:

[ieoeja]

22. Elf local 131

Anyone think we have a cruelty to animals case here for the way he works those reindeer?

Santa Clause: just another fat white man living off the largess of the exploited worker.

[Critters2]

26. LOL!!!

Come and see the violence inherent in the system!!

[treestar]

23. Will be wishing everyone a Merry Solstice

And organizing carolers of anti-American libruls and Muslims to march in the streets singing of peace and love.

[Bozita]

24. If we capture any Salvation Army members in uniform, ...

... we have to treat them in accord with the Geneva Conventions.

So, ... can we waterboard them or not?

[Kurovski]

27. Only with eggnog.

[struggle4progress]

28. Amos 5:21,23-24

.. I hate, I despise your religious feasts; I cannot stand your assemblies .. Away with the noise of your songs! I will not listen to the music of your harps. But let justice roll on like a river, righteousness like a never-failing stream! ..

[Tess49]

29. Yum. Elf pot pie. Reminds me of grandmother's house in

years gone by.

[Kurovski]

51. You do realise that you have the beginning of an anti-Xmas song there?

...She'd crack'em and hack'em and spice 'em just right,

after stranglings with bright stockings wrapped ever-so tight.

[Tess49]

59. I believe you've captured the essence of my dearly departed

nanna!

[Kurovski]

65. The true spirit of an American Christmas.

Your dear Nanna knew what it was all about. ;-)

[Sabriel]

30. I'm sending out vague, non-specific cards

And I'm not using any holiday-themed stamps, either.

Actually, to put the final nail in the manger, I'm going to be an atheist who doesn't recognize this holiday at all.

[badgerpup]

32. Better get your stamps now then...

Despite what O'Lielly says, it's hard to find non-religious stamps...and there's a dearth of Really Cool Stamps* this year since the postage went up.
Everything is Disney, Football, Baseball, Ray-gun, or otherwise proprietary :puke:
Best I could find, aside from the "Harvest" selection were the "Quilts of Gee's Bend"...which are rather nice.


*orchids, jellyfish, bats, flowers...you know, cool stamps!

[Kurovski]

35. I'm mailing out Russian pornography

and lengthy, unintelligable religious rants.

You've inspired me.

[SeattleGirl]

33. Do you need more recruits from the Northwest?

I'm available. I could picket Santa's Workshop at Nordstrom's in downtown Seattle -- it always draws a large crowd.

Do some anti-Christmas freeway blogging -- lots of overpasses around here.

Tell children that there IS no Santa Claus, AND that the baby Jesus wasn't born on December 25th.

[Warren DeMontague]

36. I'm going to steal the Baby Dubya out of Right Wing Church Manger Scenes.

[sakabatou]

37. I celebrate Hannukah

It's a start.

[Raine]

38. If they don't want a war on Christmas

then they shouldn't have a war of Halloween. They are hypocrites when they tramp on other's holidays and hypocrites are frowned on in the bible.

[NMMNG]

40. Bingo

They think they can screw with everybody elses' holidays then demand we fall all over ourselves to cater to theirs. SCREW THEM! Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, a Joyous (Eid)al Adha, but to heck with Christmas.

[Charlie Brown]

39. I suggest we open a second front

and attack Christmas from the rear, where it will least suspect us. Then we can send fifth-columnists disguised as Santa's elves to seize the roads and bridges, increasing the range of our frontal assault.

and then we send in the Grinch.

[Kurovski]

52. Finally! A REAL plan for victory.

I want to see the Grinch and Cheney in hand-to-hand combat.

[tomreedtoon]

41. I'm contacting Jack Skellington of Halloweentown.

What he did that year was rather exceptional, but he got cold feet. I'll tell him he needs to take over Christmas again, but do it better.

His cohorts in Halloweentown have to make Nativity scenes with Freddy Krueger and stephen King preparing to stab the Christ Child in the cradle. And he has to get Anne Rice to create a story about a "vampire Santa" that kills children in their beds. I'm sure we can get the same guy who did Limbaugh's TV advertising to animate it and get it out to the networks before Christmas Eve.

[Dob Bole]

42. I'm stealing all of Whoville's gifts and going to Mount Crumpet....

to dump it. Yes, then I'll eat all the Who-pudding, all the Who-yeast, all the Who-Hash, and even the Roast Beast!

BROUHAHAHAHAAAAA!

[elehhhhna]

43. Next up: How do we take the "Holy" out of Happy Holidays?

[Warren DeMontague]

45. How about "Reasonably Pleasant Non-Denominational Annual Tidings"? nt

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

47. We'll just call them "Happy Days."

Ayyyyyyyyyyy!

[Kurovski]

53. Maybe we can start with the spelling? Change it to "Halidays".

Or, because the usual RW crackpot twitterfucks have now politicised it, "Polidays"?

[elehhhhna]

60. LOL! Howzabout Hellidays? That's what it feels like sometimes.

[Kurovski]

64. The troops should vote on it.

"Happy Hellidays" :D!

[jmowreader]

48. Set up a War on Christmas battlefield, complete with antiaircraft weapons

You need a couple sticks of PVC pipe, some cardboard circles, maybe a few wheelbarrow wheels, paint it all green...presto! Instant Santa-destroying antiaircraft gun! Hang a radar off it (an old fucked-up DirecTV or Dish Network dish would be fine) for added effect--most guys can't shoot down an airplane over iron sights.

If you REALLY want to get mean, also make some missiles. Four-inch PVC pipe (you can get two missiles out of one stick of pipe) and cardboard for fins are all you really need. Surface-to-air missiles usually have blunt ends because that's where the missile-tracking radar antenna is.

Then get a sheet of plywood and paint a menu on it--all reindeer dishes. Make sure there are nine different ones.

Go around the neighborhood (before you put the air defense artillery out there) and see if anyone has an old Santa's sled lawn decoration. Get one (go to the store if you have to) and put it out in the front yard, kinda nosed in like it was shot down. If you've got a Halloween fog machine, put that in the sled pumping out fog like it was smoke from Santa's shot-down sleigh. Wrap up five or six empty boxes and throw them in the yard at random. Build a gallows and hang a stuffed Santa from it. Put a sign at the bottom "For Crimes Against Yule, Samhain, Hanukkah, New Year's Day..." (all of the holidays that are celebrated in December, except for Christmas)

Then put a sign on your house: "War On Christmas? Here's the Battlefield!"

[Kurovski]

54. I can see this is going to be a costly war.

:patriot:

[elehhhhna]

61. oh no you di'n't!!11!

LMAO

[Kurovski]

63. No flowers or chocolates, neither!

All in keeping with the timbre of the new American century.

[porphyrian]

49. We must be vigilant!

Even secular-looking conservative types could be hiding a Baby Jesus butt plug in their pants. We'll have to devise a way to check asses.

Yes, there really is a Baby Jesus butt plug.

[Kurovski]

55. Don't airports already do that?

Maybe we should infiltrate.

Can we buy the technology at Costco?

[kestrel91316]

57. I could sneak a kazoo into the Christmas Eve services at

Belair Presbyterian Church and disrupt the holiday program. That'll REALLY make the children cry!!!!

[elehhhhna]

62. NO! They check for kazoos! Try a comb & some waxpaper.

[EFerrari]

58. My unit is going down to the border in December

to enjoy a few margaritas at Rosarito Beach. I mean, to walk point along the Sourthern Perimeter. :evilgrin:

[Kurovski]

66. Fa-la-la-la-la...

rat-a-tat-tat-tat...