John McCain Suicide Watch: Day 59

[Pab Sungenis]

On October 18th, 2006, John McCain announced his intention to kill himself if the Democrats took control of both the House and the Senate. Today that nightmare of the former conductor of the "Straight Talk Express" came true as Nancy Pelosi was sworn in as the Speaker of the House, and Harry Reid took the reins as Majority Leader in the Senate.

Since it is possible that McCain was holding out, hoping for some handy Enemy Combatant warrants or the declining health of Sen. Tim Johnson to keep the Democrats from taking contol, we at the JMSW are preparing to redouble our efforts now that no such divine intercession has come for Senator McCain and the Democrats have control of both houses for the next two years. Now that the Democratic control has become a fait accompli there is no reason to expect that Senator McCain will go back on his word, and self-destruction may be imminent.

Today, reports have Senator McCain attending the beginning of the 110th Congress on the floor of the Senate. While some may think this will preclude the Senator from doing himself in today, let us remember that not only is McCain a man of his word, he is resourceful. He might attempt strangulation with a microphone cord, or electrocution on the old wiring within the Senate chamber. There is also an unlikely, but non-zero, possibility that McCain will try to take a few Democrats with him through a suicide bombing. We don't expect this because such an action would seem out of character for the Senator, but then again so is going back on a promise like the one to kill hiimself, so Democratic Senators are advised to be careful around Mr. McCain for the next few weeks.

The Senate dining room might be a handy place for the Senator to carry through on his promise, especially if employees not aware of the Senator's promise of self-destruction allow him access to real silverware. There is also a possibility that no longer being able to order his beloved "Freedom Fries" will send the Senator into a deep despair, hastening his suicide. JMSW operatives are advised to keep a close eye out at dinner time.

It is a thankless job, but one that must be done, and we here at the John McCain Suicide Watch will keep vigilant for all of you out there. We know you to be a man of integrity, Senator McCain, and even more so a man of your word. You have provided us with much "Straight Talk" in your long, soon to be concluded, career, and know that you would never dream on going back on a promise like this. Rest assured that when the end does come, we at the JMSW will be by your side, ready to salute you to the end as a man who kept his promises.

©2007 P. Sungenis, All Rights Reserved.

[cspanlovr]

1. I thought he was a man of his word!

:sarcasm:

[mnhtnbb]

2. Suicide is not funny and not something to joke about.

[Pab Sungenis]

3. I agree.

Some have said that the Senator was joking when he announced his intention to kill himself if the Democrats took control. I'm taking him at his word.

If he goes back on his word, I will be happy his life has been spared, but very disapppointed that he lied about such an important matter.

[BuyingThyme]

7. There's no suicide. It's about John McCain.

He's not really committing suicide.

That said, it's very important for people to joke about suicide (and all other awfulness people encounter).

[Pab Sungenis]

9. Tragedy + Time = Comedy.

Seriously, what all the "John McCain Suicide Watch" threads are for is, to be blunt, to show him for the crass opportunist and double-talker that he is. I expect to use other "flip flops" by the Senator in the future in discussions, and harken back to this promise of his to show that he never COULD be trusted.

It will be fun if he somehow gets elected President. "Be warned, the Inauguration is the perfect time for the President-Elect to finally fulfill his promise, with all of the news cameras in the world focused on the podium. Prepare for fireworks!"

[mnhtnbb]

10. Suicide is not a laughing matter, It represents pain so consuming

that the person who does it can think of no better option to get relief.
It tears up families. It leaves loved ones and friends with aching hearts. It leaves people feeling guilty, wondering how they missed the signs and whether, if they did notice the signs, they should have done something to stop it.

It's enormously difficult to live with the aftermath of a friend or relative who's committed suicide.

Where's your compassion? It is not funny and not something which should be the butt of jokes, particularly on DU.

That McCain is so ignorant that he could make such a comment is beside the point. It's not necessary to remind people of his tasteless comment.

[Pab Sungenis]

12. I disagree. It's VITALLY important to remind people.

I've lost people to suicide, and been near there myself before. I have some compassion. But I have no compassion for John McCain.

[mnhtnbb]

14. Then you have lost your humanity if you can only appreciate

the pain of those with whom you agree.

[Pab Sungenis]

16. That's not the case at all.

There were reports here of Freepers who lost people, and I was right there with everyone else keeping those people in my thoughts and prayers. Hell, I was one of the few people on here calling for compassion for Gerald Ford.

John McCain, however, sold his soul to the Religious Right, has abrogated everything he stood for, and deserves to be exposed every minute of every day for the sorry excuse for a human being that he is.

[mnhtnbb]

19. I'd prefer to attack his political positions.

[Pab Sungenis]

17. Reiterating and re-emphasizing

The only "loss" that McCain has experienced lately is his position in the Senate Majority. He said that he would kill himself if that happened.

We're not talking about someone suicidal because of the death of a spouse, or a child, or some other tragedy. We're talking about a bitter opportunist who values nothing but power, who made a stupid statement that he has not apologized for or commented on since. People deserve to be reminded of this glimpse at the kind of man John McCain really is.

[mnhtnbb]

20. You've made your point and I've made mine. We disagree.

[Pab Sungenis]

21. Agreed.

And thank you for keeping the discussion civil.

[BuyingThyme]

13. Yes, why insert humor into something so awful and painful.

[BushOut06]

4. McCain is already dead inside

The man has no heart or soul.

[BuyingThyme]

5. I was expecting something about the McCain Doctrine.

[Pab Sungenis]

6. What is the McCain Doctrine anyhow?

I'm curious.

[BuyingThyme]

8. More Americans should be sent to die in Iraq.

It's a campaign strategy introduced by John Edwards. (Identifying the doctrine, that is.) I like it.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20061231/pl_nm/iraq_usa_politics_dc_1

[Pab Sungenis]

11. There we go! The Senator should be sent to Iraq!

Let him lead men in the field like General Patton did! Let him charge an enemy embankment! That way he can keep Freedom Free (Plus Tax, Shipping And Handling), AND fulfill his campaign promise at the same time!

[Cha]

15. More like mccain has a bird

brain and an alligator mouth that he needs to Watch.

Okay, birds are smarter!

[Raine]

18. Promises, promises

just another unkempt repuke promise,*sigh*. :banghead:

[pinto]

22. Locking.

from our membership agreement (the rules):

"Do not post messages that could be construed as advocating harm or death to the president or other high-ranking official in the United States government. In the case of the president, do not even post jokes, as the Secret Service is not known for its sense of humor."

http://www.democraticunderground.com/forums/rules_detailed.html

Thanks.