SFGate.com - Wednesday, January 10, 2007
== Tofu Will Make You Gay! =
This just in: Soy will turn your kid into a fey girly man with a very small penis. Also: God hates vegans
(By Mark Morford)
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/gate/archive/2007/01/10/notes011007.DTL&nl=fixI know what you're thinking. You're thinking: I knew it. I knew that soy stuff was evil like black sunshine in spring! Also: Is Tom Cruise really gay? Does he eat a lot of soy? And maybe: How do I get hot porn onto my new black 30 GB iPod I got for Christmas? Is Steve Jobs a god? Does God like soy? Wait, didn't God invent soy? So how could it be bad for my innocent cherubic child who loves iPods and looks nothing like Tom Cruise? Should I try anal sex? Is this the year I wear more orange? And so on.
Oh yes, you knew it. Especially if you are from the far end of the baffled gay-hatin' right-wing mind-set and don't read much and don't really care about pesky stuff like science, or fact, or health, or, you know, actual thought. Yay you!
Yes, you knew there was a threat far, far more dire to your precious child right now than Nancy Pelosi's terrifying agenda or Aaron Sorkin's bewildering dialogue or pagan yoga classes or swell federal abstinence programs that all those hippie perverts on the left claim actually demean and degrade the human sexual animal worse than the thought of Pat Robertson with a lederhosen ball gag but which you really appreciate given how you haven't had sex since, say, the Ford administration.
Here, then, is your hot new target, writ large and lunkish and gleefully offensive in what must be the absolute cutest unsung little ultra-right-wing article of all of 2006, appearing on an obscure conservative news compendium site called WorldNetDaily most liberals have never seen because, well, you have a brain and a nimble soul and prefer not to have your eyeballs stabbed with rusty ice picks of sweetly unencumbered dumb-assedness. ...
Read the rest:
http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/gate/archive/2007/01/10/notes011007.DTL&nl=fix