Please help me correct RW joke...

[DiehardLiberal]

My best friend, a Republic, sent me this joke. I'm trying to convince her she is a RINO. Please help me correct this RW attempt at humor...

Left & Right

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week".

The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the
shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very
happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and a dozen different books such as "How to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More Successful."

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat is very happy and
leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the left and the right.




Thanks, DU!!!!

[JackBeck]

1. More like:

A dozen Democrats show up and ask the barber if they could help him with his community service.

[emdee]

2. I'd just simply reverse it...

so that in the end, it is a bunch of Reps standing at the door.
This 'joke' is not based on fact, so just reverse it and send it back to her.
emdee

[EstimatedProphet]

3. I'm sick of this stupid crap

Rerpublicans ALWAYS take more than they give. ALWAYS! Look at the red states, and how much money they give back to the country. Republicans take and take, and when people start to complain they try to claim that Democrats take everything instead.

[democrat in Tallahassee]

4. Seems backwards to me. Republicans don't like handouts

and I don't think they'd GIVE anyone anything much less a book because:
1) They are cheap assholes and
2) They don't read.

They might, however, call him a worthless piece of shit and ask what he did to be doing community
service and then ask him why he isn't in jail.

[Richard D]

5. Revised for truth.

My best friend, a Republic, sent me this joke. I'm trying to convince her she is a RINO. Please help me correct this RW attempt at humor...

Left & Right

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week".

The florist is pleased and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the
shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Later a business coach comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very
happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and a dozen different books such as "How to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More Successful."

Then a Democrat and a Republican come in for a haircut, and when they go to pay their bills the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat and the Republican are both very happy and
leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Republicans lined up to see if they can help with the community service, and a dozen republicans waiting for a free haircut with more on the way.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the left and the right.

[LSK]

25. dont you mean a dozen Democrats lined up for community service?

[Richard D]

37. Damn!

Damn! Yes. And I can't edit it now.

[Warpy]

6. OK, here ya go

Later a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat is very
happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and the next week, there are twenty poor men standing in line for haircuts, with the Democrat footing the bill plus tip for all of them.

Then a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy and
leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Republicans lined up waiting for a free haircut.

[Kurovski]

7. Dick Cheney's Halliburton takes over the barbershop

and charges taxpayers $300.00 per haircut. It only LOOKED like the haircut was free.

[hwmnbn]

13. Bwahahaha!!....

This is the one I'd use!! :rofl:

[hootinholler]

35. Halliburton buys the shop...

Sends the barber to Iraqnam and charges the government $300.00 per head.

-Hoot

[Kerrytravelers]

8. Are you sure this person is a best friend?

What kind of person sends this to someone whom they know will be offended?

That's what I would ask in response.

[DiehardLiberal]

10. We both have a very good sense of humor

She couldn't resist and I've sent her Bush jokes so fair is fair. I'm not offended, just trying to enlighten her. Her heart is in the right place - just raised in old-school repub family.

[Kerrytravelers]

14. So, she still like bush...

... :scared: very very :scared:

[DiehardLiberal]

15. No...

She truly doesn't and didn't vote for him last time. So there is hope!

[Kerrytravelers]

18. Oh, well in that case, perhaps a little reading on DU will do her good!

:hi:

Come on in and let the teaching begin!

[DiehardLiberal]

9. Please keep them coming...

I knew you would come through with better responses than I ever could!! I'm going to email the thread to her and show here what we are all about...Thanks so much!!!

[NanceGreggs]

11. Should end more realistically ...

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very
happy and leaves the shop.

The next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a lobbyist waiting for him. "I know people in high places," he says, "and I can get them to pass legislation that will give big tax breaks to barber shops like yours. Just give me all of your flowers, donuts, and a small fee, and I'll pass them along to the people who can make that happen."

The barber is stunned, and asks how the lobbyist knew about his little business. "Oh, the Republicans sent me," says the lobbyist, as he sits in the chair, ready for his free haircut. "And by the way, even though the haircuts you gave the Republicans were free, they asked if you wouldn't mind making up some phony receipts for $100 each, so they can write them off."


And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the left and the right.

[alfredo]

12. Community service means the guy broke a law and has

to perform community service. The Dems being fiscally responsibile see this is a good way to save money for their families, tells their friends about the free haircuts.

The republican didn't want his friends to enjoy the good fortune. Of course he may not have any friends.

[Lost-in-FL]

16. Me! ME! ME!

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy, so happy he farts before leaving the building. Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is "EMINENT DOMAIN" notice left by the Republican who had a haircut the day before. The barber not only loss his place of work but because of the trauma, had a stroke and is unable to pay for his medical bills. To avoid paying the barber and other customers the insurance company (part owned by the Republican) went bankrupt and moved their offices to Grand Cayman.

Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, but saw the "Eminent Domain" notice. The next day the barber received a note stating that he (the Democrat) purchased the shop from the filthy Republican and only asked for the barber to train others for free. Now there are a dozen new Democrats, who are barbershop owners and all helping the community.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the left and the right.

[sakabatou]

17. Seems like it's from Bizarro World...

[cool user name]

19. Anybody who makes critical decisions based on "information"

obtained from emails is a fucking moron.

Pure and simple.

[DiehardLiberal]

21. It's a JOKE..

but reflects a certain viewpoint. Let's not take it too seriously...

[LSK]

27. actually that is how a lot of people think

You would be surprised how many people shape their worldview from crap like this.

[DiehardLiberal]

32. I do understand...

and appreciate the insight...

[LostInAnomie]

20. Here's my revision

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very
happy and leaves the shop confident that his new haircut will increase his romantic prospects. The next day the barber looks at his morning paper and reads the headline "Local GOP President Arrested For Propositioning Teen Boys."

[Kurovski]

26. ...

:rofl:

[LSK]

33. !!!

:rofl:

[B Calm]

43. ha ha

[Arkansas Granny]

22. Or how about this ending:

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open up, he is greeted by a dozen Republicans picketing his shop and carrying signs asking people to boycott the shop on the assumption that anyone doing community service work must be doing so as restitution for committing a crime and, therefore, needs to be run out of the neighborhood.

[intaglio]

23. Re-Tell it with this ending

.... Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat is very happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when he opens the barber finds a thank you letter from the Democrat, a letter from a top law firm who have taken his case pro bono because of the injustice and a newspaper reporter who wants to feature the barber as a true american.

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy and leaves the shop. Next morning when the barber goes to open there are 20 guys outside fighting. He asks the Cop who was passing what happened.

"Well," says the cop, "First these 3 fellas from Immigration showed up wanting to investigate you for being an illegal immigrant; then the 4 guys from Homeland Security arrived because someone told them you were a criminal with access to scissors, razors and hair chemicals; next the 5 FBI arrive and they want your testimony against the pinko liberal judge. Thats when the shouting, pushing and shoving started."

"But," says the barber, "Who are the other 8 guys?"

"Ahh," says the cop, "They're a Sergeant and 7 recruits from the Army base. See the Base Barber has been deployed in Iraq and they need you to cut the recruits hair for free, so they didn't want anyone arresting you"

And that, my friend, is the fundamental difference between the Democratic and Republican parties

[uppityperson]

24. Simple.

Democrats don't get haircuts.

[Kurovski]

31. We're a buncha hippies.

...I forgot about that. Too stoned, I guess. :shrug:

[uppityperson]

39. !

:hippie:

[Kurovski]

40. RIGHT ON!

[Little Wing]

28. The next morning, the Republican and his fake blond wife

tie him up and drag him home and force him to clean their house and wash their SUVs for the rest of the week.

[TlalocW]

29. My ending

The republican is so pleased that he goes home and posts this info on FreeRepublic.com. The news spreads like wildfire, and soon there is a plan to hold a giant rally (and get free haircuts) in front of the barbershop for the end of the week. The day comes, and 3 people from FreeRepublic show up (along with 15 rented porta-potties). The Freepers get their haircuts, take pictures of everything, and post them on FreeRepublic, where the event is declared as a HUGH SUCCESS!!!!!!!!!1!!

TlalocW

[LSK]

30. revised

Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very
happy and leaves the shop. Next morning the community service center is filled with a dozen Republicans looking for free laborers.

[karlrschneider]

34. Here ya go

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted
a man in a boat below. She shouted to him,

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago,
but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're 840 feet above sea level.
You are at 31 degrees, 14.29 minutes north latitude, and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes
west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said, "YOU must be a democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

The balloonist answered, "Everything you told me is technically correct,
but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I am still lost.
Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "YOU must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you're going.
You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made
a promise that you have no idea how to keep, then you expect me to solve
your problem. You're in exactly the same situation you were before we met
but, somehow, now it's my fault."

[Lost-in-FL]

44. Great joke!!!

:toast:

[Lusted4]

36. Here is a joke you can send back.

A liberal Democrat stumbles onto a magic lantern.
While cleaning it a very conservative republican genie pops out.
The genie tells him he'll grant him three wishes, so try to use them with great care.
The Democrat asks to feed the world. The Genie gives him a puzzled look and then grants his wish.
The genie says ok now, your second wish? The Democrat says how about we stop all wars?
The genie says well these are your wishes and I have to grant them and I personally think you are wasting them on stupid liberal ideas. On this last wish though, I demand you wish for something selfish.
The Democrat asks can it be something I want and helps the whole world? the genie say well ok but what ever you wish for I will grant to all republicans but I'll double it for them.
The Democrat says ok then, Well I've always wanted to donate a kidney.

[Marr]

38. You know, that Republican could've got a free haircut by enlisting, too.

Just sayin'.

[applegrove]

41. The barber could have charged for the haircut, added 7% tax, and

the whole country would have universal quality health care..including all the children. Now how would that be for community service? If your haircut was $20, then you would pay $1.40 every two months towards a better country. Now that is community service!

[baldguy]

42. Why is the barber doing community service?

Must have commited a crime of some sort.

[Kurovski]

45. Attempted murder with scissors?