Help I am surrounded by jerks

[ls317]

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/01/18/fashion/18difficult.html?em&ex=1169528400&en=eb9e279c16c6d3bc&ei=5087%0A


CERTAIN mortals have the power to sink hearts and sour moods with lightning speed. The hysterical colleague. The meddlesome neighbor. The crazy in-law. The explosive boss. A mélange of cantankerous individuals, they are united by a single achievement: They make life miserable.

[porphyrian]

1. "We do not see the world as it is. We see the world as we are."

Who owns one's inability to deal with the jerks around them?

[Missy M]

2. I have encountered every jerk mentioned and the one that...

always bothers me the most is the know it all.

[ls317]

3. Whats sad is that most that are described are members of my own family

[Missy M]

5. You have my sympathy....

it must be hard on you at times.

[BleedingHeartPatriot]

4. I thought almost all of us were jerks, at one time or another. Maybe forgiveness should be entering

the dialog a bit more.

MKJ

[Missy M]

6. Being a jerk at times ( I certainly have been) is not the same as...

being a jerk all the time.

[porphyrian]

7. "Yet, some scholars say, the problem is not the difficult people themselves. It is you."

From the article.

Forgiveness is a lot easier to talk about than it is to give.

[Nay]

8. I think all of us are indeed jerks at one time or another, but the article

is specifically talking about people you are forced to interact with every day who are jerks every day. That's the difference. Some people may feel good about daily forgiveness for the person who's an asshole every day, but that's not too many people. I practice avoidance as much as possible myself. I don't spend breaks and lunch hours with coworkers, for example. I avoid most conversations while remaining as personally pleasant as possible, as another example.

It may be wise for each individual to adopt the "forgiveness" mode in order to get through the day with the least agony; it may be healthy for each individual to focus on things he is grateful for rather than on how jerky his coworker is -- but that does not change the actual situation at work, nor does it help the jerk become less of a jerk.

I find it puzzling that there is much more social pressure on the victims of the jerks to change their attitude about the jerk, than there is on the jerk to stop being a jerk.

[diamidue]

10. I've always questioned that bit of wisdom myself.

"I find it puzzling that there is much more social pressure on the victims of the jerks to change their attitude about the jerk, than there is on the jerk to stop being a jerk".

Exactly.

Do we really expect kids who are tormented by bullies & jerks while growing up to exhibit the patience, strength & wisdom of a saint by practicing forgiveness each day? Ridiculous. The same goes for adults dealing with jerks.

I'm with you. Avoid the creeps as best you can. They're toxic.

[sam sarrha]

9. LEARN to MEDITATE...... i takes the sting out of stupidity.. it becomes like a soap opera..

meditation detaches the emotional triggers to thoughts and images.. see http://www.buddhanet.net they have some good instruction and some audio teachings in their Buddhanet Audio section lower left on the home page.. neat little video lesson.. good place to start.. Rob Nairn's book 'Diamond Mind' is the best book i have found.. if you are really into discovering what it is all about check out Buddhism with an Attitude by B Allen Wallace it is the Tibetan Logong 7 point mind training, the result of 1400 years of intense research by the Tibetans on Meditation.

meditation is simply training the mind.. to differentiate between the conventional minds automatic rambling and inherent distortion of reality thru emotional triggers.. and it automatic smoothing out the wrinkles and filling in the holes where it is incapable of understanding reality.. which is the source of delusion and illusion..

i can only describe the effects of meditation as altering the perception of chaotic daily life to viewing a Soap Opera.. where i am not necessarily an actor in.. i can choose to be or not to be.. it ceases to effect me emotionally.

[WiseButAngrySara]

11. Thanks for these links and info! (You're no jerk!) ....n/t

[WiseButAngrySara]

12. Just listened to Loving Kindness 1 & 2, and The Art of

Attention. Very good site, which I have now bookmarked.

[lonestarnot]

13. Damn sounds like you better move.