Down With Dildos! (best headline of the year!)

[Roland99]

http://www.nashvillescene.com/Stories/News/Political_Notes/2006/03/02/Down_With_Dildos_/index.shtml

Thank God the state legislature is back in session. When they’re gone, political columnists are forced to take up serious topics like the deputy governor lobbying subordinates on local political issues, U.S. national vulnerability to cyber-attack and the police chief threatening to storm out of a neighborhood meeting. But now that America’s dumbest criminals have reconvened their lawmaking body, it’s easy street for journalistic bottom-feeders to meet deadlines.

To wit: Senate Bill 3794 (House Bill 3798), legislation that would make it illegal to sell, advertise, publish or exhibit to another person “any three-dimensional device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs….” For that matter, if you offer to show someone your dildo collection—or possess a vibrator with the intent to show it to someone—you’d be violating this proposed state law. And don’t even think about wholesaling those three-dimensional sex toys.

Of course, as with all good public policy, state Sen. Charlotte Burks and Rep. Eric Swafford have included a few exemptions for responsible dildo-users. College students and faculty are allowed to enter the sex-toy trade—as long as they are “teaching or pursuing a course of study related to such device,” like Auto-Erotic Stimulation 101. Your doctor or psychologist will similarly be authorized to prescribe the regular use of a sex toy “in the course of medical or psychological treatment or care.” And finally, employees of historical societies, museums, public libraries and—wait for it—school libraries are allowed to traffic in devices named Thruster, The Emperor and The Horny Hare, provided they’re doing their official duties. That means the Carnton Plantation would remain free to put up that “Dildos of the Antebellum” exhibit Robert Hicks has been pitching.

What do Burks and Swafford have against genital stimulation? Your guess is as good as ours. At press time, staff members hadn’t returned messages left Tuesday morning, probably because it’s hard to defend such stupid ideas. Attorneys for the state of Georgia couldn’t defend them either: two weeks ago, a federal appeals court overturned portions of a similar Georgia law on the grounds that advertising bans violate free speech rights.

Yeah...that's gonna go over real well.

:eyes:

[Left Is Write]

1. "....it's hard to defend such stupid ideas."

Indeed.

[BOSSHOG]

2. A few exemptions??

How bout chicks who want to get off? I suggest Senator Burkes get the biggest, most intense vibrating dildo she can find and she would surely change her vote.

The Genital Stimulation Ban Bill. That should excite the zealot masses.

[Craig3410]

3. Possesion of vibrators with intent to distribute!

:rofl:

[Atman]

6. When the police kick in the door, will they yell STICK 'EM UP!

Just wondering...

[Craig3410]

9. Now THAT's an episode of Law & Order I'd watch.

:ROFL: :ROFL:

[Hubert Flottz]

22. Whatcha gonna' do when they cum for you?

Just sayin'

Why did I EVER click on this shit? I can't stop laughing at the GOPer do-gooder squad!

[MadMaddie]

32. They actually did that in Texas...There was a law on the books

that said that if someone had more than 5-6 (toys if you will) they could arrest you. They actually arrested people for it.

They went in for one complaint and went into the bedroom and observed said toys and arrestted the homeowner....

[Atman]

4. Burks and Swafford obviously know dildos when they see 'em!

They all just a bunch of three dimensional genital-stimulating devices.

[acmavm]

37. Takes one to know one I guess.

[BattyDem]

5. Why are Republicans so f*cking obsessed with other people's sex lives???

:eyes:

[TAPat]

7. I am sure that my 6 year old

daughter could learn much at the Dildo exhibit at her school library.
But my daughter's school doesn't have a library due to budget cuts... :grr:
Hypocrisy anyone?

[nonconformist]

8. They don't have anything else better to fucking do? nt

[Hubert Flottz]

10. Billy big O' will be shattered!

He will quit FOX and Join Al Frankin ASAP! No more Christmass for Billy! There is no joy in Mudville Tonight Billdo O'!

[Atman]

13. He's still got his falafel!

He'll have to make due.

[Hubert Flottz]

16. Christmas just won't be the same without...

Toys For Twats! Bill never has a nice day anymore!

[Democrats_win]

The Ken Star Syndrome: something best left quiet gets amplified.

Remember: BJs are sooo bad. Let's publish this report with all the details. They blamed Clinton for corrupting our kids, but the truth is, the man who publicized it did the most "damage."

The greatest lie in the world: I'm a Republican and I'm here to protect you and your children.

[Democrats_win]

11. The Ken Star Syndrome: something best left quiet gets amplified.

Remember: BJs are sooo bad. Let's publish this report with all the details. They blamed Clinton for corrupting our kids, but the truth is, the man who publicized it did the most "damage."

The greatest lie in the world: I'm a Republican and I'm here to protect you and your children.

[yellowcanine]

12. I would assume this applies to zucchinis and cukes that have grown too big

to be edible as they would only be useful for genital stimulation.

[yellowcanine]

14. Ha! I see a "loophole" so to speak. Any good lawyer should be able to

make the case that a dildo can be used in the ass - technically not a human genital organ. That is a loophole you could push a salami through. Oh I guess salamis are ok anyway since technically they are edible.

[Roland99]

19. Suddenly I'm no longer hungry

:)

[phantom power]

15. What's with the loophole for two dimensional devices?

[TahitiNut]

31. There are no such things.

Even if one dimension is small (<1/1000"?), even paper-thin, it's still a dimension. Unless they're legislating in some non-Euclidean universe or at quantum levels, physical entities have 3 dimensions in this particular reality.

[phantom power]

35. Don't make me go all Edwin-Abbot on yo ass...

[TahitiNut]

47. (LOL!) "Be patient, for the world is broad and wide."

It's been a loooong time since I read that. That was a head trip, for sure. Kudos for even remembering it ... I guess it's been made into a movie, of all things. Animated, of course, since it'd be hard to find a Production Designer with the right skills.

[northzax]

17. well, I guess this would include ribbed condoms, right?

since they are marketed as 'for her pleasure'? And the KY jelly? hmm.

[Boojatta]

21. Doesn't "ribbed" mean that it projects out from the two-dimensional

surface into the third dimension?

[northzax]

25. I'd certainly classify condoms as 3 dimensional

once they are unwrapped and applied. but a plain, boring condom is marketed as birth control, which doesn't fall under this law. Ones will lubrication or ribbing and the like are for increased pleasure, at least that's the marketing for them. And that is certainly banned.

[Hubert Flottz]

18. They can have my rubber ho when they pry her from my cold...

dead whatchemacallit!

Edit...SEE I knew they were spying on folks that don't terrorize anything but their own damned bodies! Trust Bush at your own peril!

Mike Hunt Likes Dildos

Mike Hunt Is A Republican!

[MindPilot]

20. Are they going to make hands illegal?

Why don't they just write an anti-masturbation ordinance? Or better yet how about a Constitutional amendment banning human genitals?

[yellowcanine]

28. No because hands do have other uses besides monkey spanking.

[wtmusic]

52. Yes but everything else is a waste of time nt

[PDJane]

23. Um.............I would point out

That parts of Texas already have laws like this, that ban the trafficking of dildos. Yes, that is correct. The Lone Star State doesn't want those lonely women replacing their menfolk........or something.

And, as a digression, China and Japan make transistorized dildos..........

[Roland99]

24. I do remember something in Texas about those adult toy/game home parties

Can't remember the name of the stuff...sells stuff like adult board games, edible underwear, etc.


Seems some law was overturned to allow them to be sold at homes.

[MuseRider]

27. I find that interesting considering

the very first thing in Texas that you see as you cross the Red River on I35 is an adult book and video store.

[Warren DeMontague]

26. If you read the text of this massively fucked up law, you may notice:

http://www.legislature.state.tn.us/bills/currentga/BILL/SB3794.pdf

"This act shall take effect July 1, 2006, the public welfare requiring it."

:crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy::crazy:

Well, maybe the increase in this brand of bizarre, control-freak legislative insanity will make the gang on this board that tends to toss around the word "libertarian" (small-l) as if it's an insult, erm, reconsider.

[Warren DeMontague]

29. What about vibrating cell phones?

No, officer- I was just takin' a call!

[Lone_Star_Dem]

30. Safest sex out there and they want to regulate it

Texas already has a such a lame ass law. You can sell 'em but you can't tell the customer how to use 'em. What they hoped to accomplish by having such a law is beyond me. It's not as if people think they go in your ear. :shrug:

[Warren DeMontague]

33. Because some people can't think of anything better to do

than worry endlessly about how other consenting adults happen to be getting their jollies.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

40. It's better than knowing what their own children and spouses are doing

I suppose.

If you focus on the lives of others very, very closely you can almost block out what's taking place under your own roof.

[Warren DeMontague]

45. I don't pretend to know what motivates the control freak crowd

I just know there's a lot of them on this planet.

[TahitiNut]

34. Barber Supply stores will have a run on scalp massagers.

I'm old enough to remember when they were the 'stimulator' of choice for many. :shrug:

[Wilber_Stool]

36. Better not try this in

South Dakota. I have a feeling they'll be doing a booming business in the future.

[arcane1]

38. if I had the $, I'd send a Baby Jesus Butt Plug to both of them

:evilgrin:

http://divine-interventions.com/index2.php

[MuseRider]

42. OMG!

Well I'll be. Now I do believe I have seen it all.

[Roland99]

49. I didn't want to click that at work!

Wow.



:)

[Hubert Flottz]

39. Kink and Recommend

:applause: :spray: :woohoo: :yoiks: :redbox: :blush: :dilemma: :cry: :loveya: :nuke: :freak: :bounce::applause: :spray: :woohoo: :yoiks: :redbox: :blush: :dilemma: :cry: :loveya: :nuke: :freak: :bounce::applause: :spray: :woohoo: :yoiks: :redbox: :blush: :dilemma: :cry: :loveya: :nuke: :freak: :bounce::applause: :spray: :woohoo: :yoiks: :redbox: :blush: :dilemma: :cry: :loveya: :nuke: :freak: :bounce::applause: :spray: :woohoo: :yoiks: :redbox: :blush: :dilemma: :cry: :loveya: :nuke: :freak: :bounce::applause: :spray: :woohoo: :yoiks: :redbox: :blush: :dilemma: :cry: :loveya: :nuke: :freak: :bounce::applause: :spray: :woohoo: :yoiks: :redbox: :blush: :dilemma: :cry: :loveya: :nuke: :freak: :bounce::applause: :spray: :woohoo: :yoiks: :redbox: :blush: :dilemma: :cry: :loveya: :nuke: :freak: :bounce::applause: :spray: :woohoo: :yoiks: :redbox: :blush: :dilemma: :cry: :loveya: :nuke: :freak: :bounce::applause: :spray: :woohoo: :yoiks: :redbox: :blush: :dilemma: :cry: :loveya: :nuke: :freak: :bounce:

[walldude]

41. Same stupid law they have in Texas.

Sales of Cucumbers are about to go up in Tenessee....

[Hubert Flottz]

43. The GOPer gals use their brothers anyway!

[BiggJawn]

44. Or their dads.

"If'fn it was good enough for Lot, daddy...."

[Lone_Star_Dem]

46. Not quite

We still sell them and have adult toy stores. The clerks are just not allowed to explain how to use the items they sell.

Actually, our law is even more asinine if you ask me. As I said up thread, it's not as if people think you stick them in your ears. Some things don't really need explaining.

[Pied Piper]

48. What a bunch of No-Fun Nancies! (nt)

[wtmusic]

50. I hope four-dimensional sex toys are kosher

I paid a lot of money for this thing! :silly:

[Hubert Flottz]

54. They ain't as worried about dimension, nearly as much as ...

extension! Whoever dreamed up a law like that must be mad at the entire planet, because they don't ever get any anything. They are pissed at the planet and they think that if they can't have any fun, they don't want ANYONE else to have fun. What a plastic individual that narrow minded hateful person is! Must be a Southern Baptist.

Looks like the'd worry about all the spying, killing and stealing Bush is doing and leave other people alone!

[MilesColtrane]

51. Reminds me of Kentucky Fried Movie

in which a prosector wielding a large floppy dildo asks the defendant, "Don't you know there's a penile code in this state?."

[Hubert Flottz]

53. Down With Dildos! ***** UP With People!

Me for instance! ***** Ladies do not despair! ***** It's the very least I can do for my country. And I do mean...very 'least'!

[donheld]

55. The only organ the stimulate is the brain

So will this bill really work? If the genital organs go along for the ride it's still the brain that's getting the stimuli. :evilgrin:

[Berserker]

56. A pic of the anti-dildo team