Onion: Democrats Vow Not To Give Up Hoplelessness

[dflprincess]

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/45793/print/

February 27, 2006 | Issue 42•09

WASHINGTON, DC—In a press conference on the steps of the Capitol Monday, Congressional Democrats announced that, despite the scandals plaguing the Republican Party and widespread calls for change in Washington, their party will remain true to its hopeless direction.

"We are entirely capable of bungling this opportunity to regain control of the House and Senate and the trust of the American people," Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) said to scattered applause. "It will take some doing, but we're in this for the long and pointless haul."

"We can lose this," Reid added. "All it takes is a little lack of backbone."

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi reaffirms the Democratic Party’s promise to remain marginalized. "In times like these, when the American public is palpably dismayed with the political status quo, it is crucial that Democrats remain unfocused and defer to the larger, smarter, and better-equipped Republican machine," Pelosi (D-CA) said. "If we play our cards right, we will be intimidated to the point of total paralysis."

[Deja Q]

1. .

:applause:

:kick:

[Meldread]

2. LOL.

Might as well be considered an accurate news report.

[Kahuna]

3. LOL!

:rofl:

[IndyOp]

4. Warning: The following is exact opposite of our Howard - but funny!!

:rofl:

Dean reminded Democratic candidates to "stay on our unclear message, maintain a defensive, reactive posture, and keep an elitist distance from voters."

Political consultant and Democratic operative James Carville said that, if properly disseminated, the message of hopelessness could be the Democrats' most effective in more than a decade.

"For the first time in a long time, we're really connecting with the American people, who are also feeling hopeless," Carville said. "If we can harness that and run on it in '06, I believe we can finish a strong second."

[mdmc]

5. kick