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The George W. Bush version of the US Revolutionary War
The "colonies" were under the control of the evil dictator "The British". George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and other brave leaders had not yet emerged to lead our people to victory over "The British" and "The British" were still in control.
The British: Blimey, you american blokes have lots of good commodities to steal. Wood, corn, gold, everything we need.
Southerner: Dang, it sure do stink havin' these 'ere british controllin' our country. We should fight 'em off.
Northerner: Yes, you are correct. We need to be free.
French Soldier: Do not worry, we are 'ere tu help!
(1,000,000 French Soliders invade North America, obliterate the British, and take over)
Southerner: Whoo-boy! You frenchies sure do pack a whollop! Now we's free !
French Soldier: Oui, oui! You are Free! You can be your own democratic country. (starts loading french ships with wood, corn, gold, etc)
Southerner: Hey, thats our stuff. Why you takin it?
French Soldier: To restock, of course. We saved you, you are free, you owe us. Oh, and there is a curfew. If you are out too late, you will be shot.
Southerner: What? How do you call that bein' free?
Northerner: We're not, they are occupying us, you hick. (shoots a French Soldier and disappears into the woods)
French Soldier: Merde! The British are back!
Other Northerner: Did he just call us British?
Northerner: Yes, he thinks we're British hold outs.
Other Northerner: Stupid frenchie.
Southerner: Hey, y'all shouldn't shoot dem French, they are here to protect us from the British.
Northerner: No, you moron, the British are gone. They have occupied our country and are raping our resources. They have simply replaced the British, except they are much stronger and we cannot possibly get rid of them thru force. We need to conduct guerilla warfare to get them to leave.
Southerner: Gorilla what?
Northerner: Nevermind. (shoots a French Soldier)
French Soldier: Merde! The British are still resisting.
Southerner: You guys should stop shootin' the french.
Northerner: Make us.
Southerner: (shoots at Northerner)
Northerner: Stop shooting at us.
Southerner: Why?
Northerner: If the French do finally leave and we are fighting, then the Mexicans will invade and take us over.
Southerner: How did we get in this position?
Northerner: Well, if we were given a little more time, and just a litte assistance from the French, we could have risen up on our own, formed armies, and wiped the British out ourselves, forming our own country and our own legacy - a sense of purpose, with homegrown leadership and a sense of pride in our fight for freedom on our own terms. And we would have been strong enough afterwards to fend off the Mexicans.
Southerner: I think I see...
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