I bit my tongue last night...(a confession and a question)

[Jamnt]

Had my brother-in-law over with his girlfriend. Playing cards and the topic came around to the asshole. Asked for my opinion I replied that Bush should be hung up by his thumbs for the world to see as partial compensation. My wife and her brother both stated they didn't think he was doing a good job, by his g/f said she thought he was. A least twice during the rest of the evening I wanted to go off on her, ask her if she ever even picked up a paper or watched the "news". I wanted to get her opinion on Katrina and whether the poor people in NO think he was doing a good job. I wanted to find out if she even knew about selling control of ports to an Arab nation. I wanted to find out if she knew that the balance of power is in jeopardy, and if she ever heard of the phrase "unitary executive". I wanted to ask if she thought mortgaging the country to China was a good idea. I could go on...there's just so much damn ammunition it boggles the mind.
I wanted to but...I knew if I started I might start out slow, but that it would soon escalate. So, in the name of peace and an otherwise fun evening, I deferred. Between last night and today I've been thinking that this phenomenon, this avoiding of confrontation for the sake of peace, may be contributing to the stagnation. Now I feel guilty because the stakes are just so damn high. I know every votes counts (at least in theory) and if I don't do my part then I'm at least not part of the solution, and perhaps part of the problem. And I want to be part of the solution.
In retrospect I should have assumed the role of teacher, respecting her opinion but at least attempting to get her facts straight. Past that only a shrink or a few years of compassion training might help. So I'm hoping to learn from this omission, and to find a way to talk without anger. I believe if my anger becomes apparent I will have lost before I begin. After all, even imbeciles can dig their heels in as well as I can. I'm posting this because I also feel that I'm not alone. There is a lot of anger on the board, and I believe it's justified. But I modestly suggest that becoming angy during political discourse is counterproductive. I doubt we'll ever really know all the forces that shaped an individual with either "hive mind" mentality or greediness and uncaring attitude toward their fellow humans, but I don't think that's necessary. What is necessary to change those individuals thru education and perhaps some other ways of which I am not aware.
So a question arises now. What ways and techniques have you found effective in changing the attitudes of others?
(Sorry, this ended up being longer than intended.)

[matcom]

1. don't bite your tongue

educate. educate. educate.

calmly, rationally. ask the questions. be specific. cite policy. make THEM defend THEIR positions. they won't because they can't. occasionally, one of them will realize it. most times they won't but it IS worth a try.

and welcome to DU :hi:

[PuraVidaDreamin]

2. At least your bro hasn't married her yet!

Perhaps he's scratching his head right now too!

You showed a lot of maturity last night.

[PCIntern]

3. I often (but not always) say

as your man Reagan used to inquire: "Are you better off now than you were four years ago?" If Ronnie could get elected on that logic...

then I start throwing things around the room and they have to unpack the defibrillator...

[Quakerfriend]

4. Well, in a calm voice, I often say, "Yeah, I used to think that too-

until i read "Worse than Watergate by J. Dean" and "The Price of Loyalty" by P. O'Neal. Then I mention that they were both conservative repugs.

And, I always tell them to google PNAC if they want to truly understand what's behind all of this admin.s seemingly idiotic moves.

It true in part, and it gets the ball rolling. Makes them feel like they are not completely stupid.

It works pretty well. My repug family members have all watched F911,now!!

[babylonsister]

5. You have a great post here! Different people handle thie problem

differently, and it also depends on who you're discussing with, how close you are, and your mood at the time. "Becoming angy during political discourse is counterproductive": you said a mouthful there.
I have 'lost' three friends, one of them a brother, for getting angry at their tiny little uninformed minds. On the one hand, I had to stand up for myself, but on another level, especially with one friend of 20+ years, I wish I had never said a thing because our friendship is damaged beyond repair. She got hurt but her ignorance hurt me; it's a draw. :-(

[mzteris]

6. You could have asked her

- nicely and sincerely - to elaborate on just what she thought he was "doing a good job" ON.