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Mister Johnson wakes up early one fine morning in 2085. Republicans have been in control of Washington for the last 85 years. He steps out into the day, but quickly turns around. He has forgotten his SPF 500 sunblock you see, which he must apply every day since there is no longer an ozone layer. Every environmental law on the books was repealed around 2020 under the authority of the "Clear Water Bill", the "Blue Skies Act", and the "Beautiful Forest Bill". Mr. Johnson turned 72 just last month, but he will not be up for retirement for quite a while yet. His generation is still paying off the $20 trillion debt of which Republicans have been vowing to "reduce the increase of" for the last 8 decades.
Mr. Johnson gets on his bike and starts pedalling to work. Being that there is not a drop of oil left on the planet, bikes have become the most reliable means of transportation.
Once Mr. Johnson arrives at Wal-Micro-Donalds, his place of work, the chip that was implanted into his skull shortly after birth tells the employee entrance to open. Wal-Micro-Donalds
is a fine place to work thinks Mr. Johnson. In fact, it's the only place to work, since Wal-Mart merged with Microsoft and McDonalds around 2030, creating a mega-monopoly that now sells over 90% of the food and retail goods on the planet.
When Mr. Johnson's shift is over, he takes his bicycle to the Halliburton Memorial Library. Mr. Johnson is careful not to check out any books that deal with anything violent or questionable, as this may allow the FBI to search his home or detain him indefinitely without pressing charges. No sense taking risks: Mr. Johnson checks out My Pet Goat instead.
Mr. Johnson gets home and turns on the television. The chip in his fridge sends a message to the chip in his TV, and the TV runs ads for everything Mr. Johnson is out of. On the TV is a presidential address from President Alejandro Lopez. Mr. Johnson has always admired President Lopez. His family was one of the 6 million Mexican families that illegally came to the US in 2040, but an enterprising young businessman let the Lopez family build houses for 25 cents a day, not report any of his workers, and still collect tax breaks. Not to mention Mr. Johnson loves to snicker when President Lopez speaks ill of those who didn't fight in the US's last war even though President Lopez never served in the military.
President Lopez says that America remains at Terror Condition: Chartreuse. "What a relief!" Mr. Johnson thinks aloud. Mr. Johnson thinks aloud rather frequently because the chip in his skull also has a built-in microphone as an extra measure to keep Mr. Johnson safe. Mr. Johnson would not want to be accused of differing from his "elected" officials on anything. One of the stories on the news station suggests that stem-cell procedures could save lives. Mr. Johnson scoffs at the liberal media since science is clearly wrong, and even when it's right, it's evil.
As Mr. Johnson thinks this, he also thinks of his late wife. Mr. Johnson's state governor diagnosed his wife as not having permanent brain damage a couple of years ago. Hence, her living will to be euthanized was not respected and nearly drove Mr. Johnson to bankruptcy. This didn't seem right to Mr. Johnson, but he sighs, tells himself it is all a trick of the liberal media, and goes to sleep.
Mr. Johnson dreams sweet dreams that night of things that used to be, but are no more. He dreams of rainforests, small businesses, petroleum, affordable medication, whales, and $20 per gallon gasoline. In the morning, Mr. Johnson will wake up and go to church. He will spend that hour agreeing with his pastor's sermon speaking about forgiveness and charity, and the next 23 hours agreeing with FOX News extolling war and greed.
...Where at least I know I'm free!
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