Baghdad Bob named pentagon spokesman
Muhammed Saeed al-Sahaf, who became famous around the world for his rosy pronouncements when he served as Information Minister to Iraqi strongman Saddam Hussein, staged a stunning political comeback today by being named the chief spokesman for the Pentagon in Washington.
Mr. al-Sahaf, who made headlines as "Baghdad Bob" three years ago by repeatedly proclaiming that the Iraqi army was demolishing invading U.S. forces, appeared at a press briefing at the Pentagon this afternoon with a beaming Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, who called the former Iraqi Information Minister "the right man for the right job at the right time."
Explaining his decision to tap Mr. al-Sahaf as chief Pentagon spokesman, Secretary Rumsfeld said, "I realized that our spokesmen have been trying to do the same thing that Muhammed did three years ago, only they aren't as credible as he was."
Stepping up to the microphone, an ebullient Mr. al-Sahaf said that conditions on the ground in Iraq "have never been better" and that the insurgency was "all but vanquished."
"Democracy is flowering in Iraq so fast you wouldn't believe it!" Mr. al-Sahaf added. "People think the new constitution is awesome!"
When asked by a reporter about the burned-out cars that litter the streets of Baghdad and other cities, Mr. al-Sahaf was unfazed, explaining, "Their engines overheated."
Elsewhere, President Bush acknowledged that prewar intelligence about Iraq had been false, and said that the U.S. would discontinue its practice of ordering military intelligence from Costco.
Elsewhere (2), after Belarussian President Alexander Lukashenko called President Bush "terrorist No. 1 on the planet," Osama bin Laden said that the ranking should be determined by a tournament and demanded that he be included in the Final Four.
Elsewhere (3), in what Washington insiders believe is an attempt to mend fences with an increasingly contentious White House press corps, Vice President Dick Cheney today invited veteran journalist Helen Thomas on a quail-hunting trip to Texas.Satire by Andy Borowitz at
http://www.borowitzreport.com
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