Finally Freepers get their Movie of the year

[obnoxiousdrunk]

Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector (2006)
movie review by Brian Orndorf, eFilmCritic.com
Rating: ROTTEN (F)

That's how awful this picture is. It can't even come up with new diarrhea jokes.
For those playing at home: about 85 minutes. That's how long it takes to hear the first and last "Git-R-Done." And it's not even smuggled in with the rest of the dialog, but announced loudly to the 4th wall at the very end, as if it was the reward for having to sit through this rotten, excruciating mess of a film.

In the first five minutes of the redneck comedian's film debut, we see Larry urinating on himself in the shower, flashing his butt crack, having a flatulence attack in front of his boss, and referencing the smell of "strawberry douche." At this point I turn to America and ask: why? Why Larry the Cable Guy? We had something sweeter and slightly funnier in the Jim Varney character Ernest years back, but that franchise was quickly ignored by audiences. This must be the cinematic gods making us all pay for our sins.

There's a plot to "Health Inspector," involving dim-witted and grotesque Larry and his butch partner Amy (Iris Bahr) trying to crack a ring of deliberate food poisonings the week before a local cooking competition. But if it's a plot you're after, then "Health Inspector" has not done its job properly. Directing novice (and I hope it stays that way) Trent Cooper is only there to keep the movie in focus (he even fails that at times) and to make certain there are enough fart jokes to keep the overlong running time rumbling. Seriously, you could make DVD chapters out of the number of times Larry, or anybody really, makes with the southern thunder. It culminates to a sequence where Larry fights a diarrhea attack in his love interest's bathroom that, and I can't believe I'm writing this, is stolen from a better, extraordinarily more clever film ("Dumb & Dumber").

That's how awful this picture is. It can't even come up with new diarrhea jokes.

[MadHound]

1. I can't even stand the previews

What's sad is that even this POS will find an audience, and then guess what. In a year we'll have Larry the Cable Guy II:scared:

This isn't even good redneck humor ala Jeff Foxworthy. This is just plain dumb, gross humor. Sure, ten year olds and their mental equivalents will love it, but the rest of us find it plain revolting.

[RufusEarl]

5. Ron White

He's a Texan that got his big break from Foxworthy, he was the comedy channel last night doing his stand up routine, and he was flat out funny. He's not political, but i found him to be very funny.

[zbdent]

10. Ron White's got a few RW attitudes, but is more moderate-leftish

(if his comedy is any real indication).

He also echoed the sentiment of Jeff & Bill - Larry is not an act.

Ron also mentioned that Larry is one of the biggest homophobes on the planet . . .

[RufusEarl]

12. I don't know anything about Larry

I saw him once on the tube, but quickly hit the remote. You just can't fix stupid! per Ron White.

[Geoff R. Casavant]

17. "They call me . . . "

". . . Tater Salad!"

[Richardo]

19. I don't get Ron White...

My wife thinks he's hilarious, I don't even smile. His delivery sucks, and the cigar and scotch is an obvious affectation.

I know I'm in the minority here (right, Bunny?) but I put him on the same non-funny plane as Larry TCG. :boring:

[underpants]

30. I *HOWLED* laughing at that

the part about the scooter especially.

Ron doesn't look like he is on the edge of a stroke anymore either.

Good for him. I love the thanks he gave at the end.

[Dolomite]

2. Gotta be better than "V"

143 minutes. 10 of which were actually interesting.

[movonne]

4. I have not seen the movie V but most of the reviews on here have

been good..I presume that you were not as thrilled...Why?

[Dolomite]

6. I should have known better -

when the reviews go on and on about how well directed a movie is, and how super all the production values are, how the stylish costumes are the real stars - you can bet there won't be a very interesting story behind it.

Sure, it bashes the RW, and that's cool - but the old "kidnap and torture the girl until she falls in love with you" shtick was just as fucked up in "Tie Me Up! Tie Me Down!" as it was in this piece of crap.

And the dialouge - good christ - it's like two straight hours of The Architect from the second Matrix.

[joefree1]

8. Guess the Right wing bashing was enough for many

"Falling 52% in its second weekend was the Natalie Portman actioner V for Vendetta which grossed an estimated $12.3M falling one spot to second place. The Warner Bros. release has taken in $46.2M in ten days and looks headed for the $70M m"
http://www.boxofficeguru.com/weekend.htm

[mattclearing]

14. V will do great on video and cable.

It will be remembered fondly in years to come. One more notch in the Wachowskis' careers. They will have made more thought-provoking entertainment than any other filmmakers with the possible exception of Spielberg and Spike Lee if they keep it up for the remainder of their careers.

[mattclearing]

13. LOL at your architect comment.

V was great. I bought the characters and the story.

The torture thing was a bit of a reach, but the point it made was effective.

Mentioning V in the same sentence with Larry the Cable Guy's movie makes me question the validity of the First Amendment. :D

[RaleighNCDUer]

21. What I have to put up with ---

I work PT at a theater here. We opened 'V' at our two big screens (300 seats each), and never filled more than 25% of the house.

We opened 'Larry' at our 2nd biggest screen (240 seats) and got 75% capacity. It did better than Denzel did, here.

If it wasn't for the free movies I get to see...

[mattclearing]

22. I'm in downtown DC, and it didn't sell out opening night at the suburban

theatre I saw it at. No cheers for the credits. People just got up, zombified, and left.

[Dolomite]

28. the ending credits for V were really, really cool

again, sorry for being in the minority here - but being that's one of my favorite Stone's songs - the ending credits were one of the best parts of that movie.

[mattclearing]

29. Yeah, I dug that too.

:)

[Geoff R. Casavant]

16. If I had to guess

I would say you have not yet read the original Alan Moore graphic novel, written in the mid 80s. If I am correct, I would urge you to to do so at your earliest opportunity, then rent the movie again on DVD -- the graphic novel is worlds better, but might also give you some additional perspective on the movie.

[AlCzervik]

3. it's pretty bad--the numbers

Domestic: $7,050,000--that gives me hope for America.

[zbdent]

9. That's right! It's out!

and I didn't hear it mentioned in the "numbers" . . . and I was listening to a radio station this morning where the main DJ was a huge 2004 Bushbot . . .

[zbdent]

7. If they include (on the DVD) all the out-takes where he messed up

his lines, you'd have a freepturd documentary . . .

Even Mrs. ZBDent, who has no idea of Larry the poopy jokes Guy's political leanings, and is fairly apolitical, has said she doesn't even want to see it, even if she was paid to borrow it from the library on a dare . . . not her exact words, but in that vein . . .

[ProudToBeBlueInRhody]

11. Funny enough......

There is a website advocating boycotting this movie (As well, as just about every other movie out this week) as a knock against liberalism because the studio making it is considered "Liberal" somehow.

[Radio_Guy]

15. I haven't seen it

But I'm willing to bet this will be the worst movie ever. I hate Larry and the rest of their crew. They take a racial stereotype of rural Southerners and overexaggerate it for nothing but monetary gain. And the rest of us who live in the rural South suffer because of it.

[mcscajun]

18. And the best is, "Larry" is a fiction. Daniel is well-paid & educated.

He may have been born in Nebraska and raised on a farm, but when he was 16, his family moved to tony West Palm Beach, Florida. He went to (and graduated from) the Baptist University of Georgia. Best information says he never worked as a cable guy, but created that character well after he began doing stand-up comedy, to call into radio shows.

Comedian David Cross has an "open letter" to Larry posted on his website:

"He's good at what he does. It's a lot of anti-gay, racist humor -- which people like in America - all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.' He's in the right place at the right time for that gee-shucks, proud-to-be-a-redneck, I'm-just-a-straight-shooter-multimillionaire-in-cutoff-flannel, selling-ring tones-act. That's where we are as a nation now. We're in a state of vague American values and anti-intellectual pride."

http://www.bobanddavid.com/david.asp?artID=183

[Maru Kitteh]

25. From Nebraska eh? Great. First Tricky Dead-eye Dick and now Larry

I didn't know either of these clowns were from Nebraska. Crap. What hath we wrought?

[Katherine Brengle]

20. I was sure it was gonna be "Snakes on a Plane" lol.

[Bukowski Fan]

23. After seeing this movie

Go home, and pop in Bill Hicks' new DVD, and breath a sigh of relief.



Go back to bed, America, your government has figured out how it all transpired. Go back to bed America, your goverment is in control. Here, here's American Gladiators. Watch this, shut up, go back to bed America, here is American Gladiators, here is 56 channels of it! Watch these pituitary retards bang their fucking skulls together and congratulate you on the living in the land of freedom. Here you go America - you are free to do what well tell you! You are free to do what we tell you!


I'm so sick of arming the world, then sending troops over to destroy the fucking arms, you know what I mean? We keep arming these little countries, then we go and blow the shit out of them. We're like the bullies of the world, y'know. We're like Jack Palance in the movie Shane, throwing the pistol at the sheepherder's feet.

"Pick it up."

"I don't wanna pick it up, Mister, you'll shoot me."

"Pick up the gun."

"Mister, I don't want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don't even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain't looking for no trouble, Mister."

"Pick up the gun."

(He picks it up. Three shots ring out.)

"You all saw him - he had a gun.

[Rocknrule]

24. I think the movie that reflects them the most

is Freddy Got Fingered

[Ufomammut]

26. No different than when I saw a trailer for "Dukes of Hazzard;"

Just one more sign that the apocalypse is imminent.

[Craig3410]

27. Well, IMDB's voiced their opinion...

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0462395/

User rating: 1.4/10 Bottom 100: #1

[underpants]

31. Okay folks this is like an "SNL movie"

Like Deuce Bigalow and the Ladies man (both produced by Sandler). Everyone makes some money everyone has some fun no harm done. An afternoon cable staple after it is released.

[stanwyck]

32. But what does Michael Medved think?

He's always whining about liberal Hollywood. So..where's his outraged, really foaming at the mouth outrage, now? Or is Medved embracing Larry's homespun "Amurican" values?

[Ishoutandscream2]

33. Larry is a right wing piece of shit

going off on the favorite hates of the radical right - Hilary Clinton, the Dixie Chicks, etc. Fuck him. I hope he's investing his money well. He will soon be a postscript to this horrible decade of right wing insanity.