Church of Scientology to buy Cleveland Browns.

[Dr.Phool]

http://browns.scout.com/2/515555.html

(snip)

In a follow-up to a story first broken by internet website Pro Football Talk in early 2004, TheOBR.com learned Friday evening that Browns owner Randy Lerner has elected to sell a portion of the Browns franchise as part of a strategy to exit his "custodial role" as owner of the Cleveland Browns.

It has been reported exclusively to this corner that Lerner intends to sell 23% of the franchise to a consortium headed up by actor Tom Cruise and believed to be backed at least in part by the Church of Scientology. The agreement allows the consortium to purchase the team in full after one year of what is termed to be "due diligence".

(snip)

NFL Sources tell the OBR that the year-long "due diligence" time period will be used to thrash agents of Xenu out of the organization while ridding the team of negative engrams caused by sources as diverse as misguided thetans, overuse of psychiatric techniques, and the "resonant aura of Dwight Clark screwing up drafts like Brooke Shields on an anti-depressant bender".

While the cross-marketing of football and Scientology (Brownsintology) at first seems an odd coupling, the ability to selectively target fans for $5,999 courses to put themselves into an Operating Thetan state could have considerable appeal to individuals who have been conditioned to pay $8 for a beer and eager for another purpose in life after watching a 41-0 loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers on Christmas Eve.

(snip)

I woke up this morning swearing at my computer. Then, I remembered what day it was.

[GrumpyGreg]

1. Scientology is non-profit---How can this be?

[megatherium]

2. if you believe that, you'll believe the original post was actually serious

:)

[GrumpyGreg]

4. I did---gullible old me !!!!! LOL

[CanuckAmok]

3. of course it's a joke. ....Who would buy the Browns?!

...

[Dr.Phool]

5. In a related follow-up

Butch Davis Eaten
Davis in Pre-Edible Days
Davis in Pre-Edible Days

By: Jane Smith

Date: Apr 1, 2006

The Browns ex-head coach reportedly devoured by variety of wild animals

In a sad and sudden news item on what is otherwise a positive e-meter day for all Brownsintologists, published reports relay the unfortunate news that ex-Browns head coach Butch Davis has been eaten by wild animals following a plunge into a deep ravine located in a mountainous region of Colorado.

While news reports are currently sketchy at best, reports indicate that Davis' fall was prefaced by an aborted attempt to escape an unnamed group of assailants who were chasing the ex-head coach, who was in Colorado to evaluate college prospects in his role as draft expert for the NFL Network.

Following the fall of a considerable distance, Davis was reportedly shot several times as rescuers attempted to fend off a grizzly bear, mountain lion, and the rare carnivorous Poison Scary Frog with sniper rifles. Ultimately this long-distance rescue attempt proved futile as the ex-coach was messily devoured.

Reactions were mixed among players who had experience with Davis, with many choosing not to comment on the reports. DT Gerard Warren did talk to the OBR, however, while on his way to a "memorial service" at a Denver-area all-you-can-eat buffet. While noting Davis' role as the man who drafted him, Warren also took the time to praise the animals involved in Davis' demise, noting accurately that "They ate Butch's guts out."

- J. Smith

http://browns.scout.com/2/515556.html

[Redstone]

6. Suppose they'll have aliens jumping out of volcanoes at halftime?

Redstone