The Masochistic Thrill of Self-Loathing

[Katherine Brengle]

Okay, a little background--I am the "good" grandchild in my family--the one who went to college first, and got married to a good man, and has an amazing beautiful child and a rewarding (if not lucrative) career. My family (mother's side) is pretty messed up, but made up of generally alright types.

However, one of my aunts has a habit of sending out these mass emails, usually jokes (as I told her to stop sending me her right-wing propaganda months ago), but today it was an email about how to avoid rape, including such sage advice as:

Avoid grocery store parking lots at night

Rapists tend to go after victims who have long hair--short haired women are victimized less often

Rapists look for victims whose clothing it will be easy to remove

and other gems...

So I "reply-all"ed, and said that there is another option, other than living in fear, which is refusing to support our cultural standard of accepting violence against women. I suggested reading a little Inga Muscio for empowerment and I linked to an article I wrote a few weeks ago about the prevalence of rape in our culture.

I got back the following two messages so far:

one of the points of awareness is so that you may not live in fear everyday.
I certainly don't.
Was a smart move that my Mom made when she sent us to self-defense class.
Not to kick ass - but for awareness - how to carry yourself with confidence. There's no such thing as being too cautious.
It's a fact that the world is a different place for females than for males. Yes it's ridiculous - but it's also reality.
This country is YEARS ahead of third world countries. Count your blessings that we are not living in the Victorian age and that thousands - millions of woman (AND men) have been working toward the end goal of equality. To not "support" what has become of our American culture is a step backwards and could be considered anti-American.
So - - - no thanks, I don't need to read Inga Muscio.

and

Ya know, you're right. Tomorrow, I'm wearing my hot pants and halter top to all the places I need to go. I may even go to a few i shouldn't just because i SHOULD be able to....No need in making an extra effort in being safe. It should just be expected. WORSHIP ME WORLD and don't hurt me for I am just a simple woman. After all we are all the same creature...aren't we?



WAKE UP!

Why do women insist on hating themselves and each other? (I am also wondering, at this moment, how I was spawned from the same gene pool as these people... The second I already know is a neocon, so I wasn't that surprised, but the first one shocked the hell out of me...)

[XanaDUer]

1. Ever read, "Against Our Will" by Brownmiller?

...

[Katherine Brengle]

2. I think I ordered it from Amazon a couple of weeks ago --

but if not, it is on my list.

Blech on accepting the status quo!

[Name removed]

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[pitohui]

3. you're indulging a little yourself

they have provided a block option to obnoxious emailers for quite some while

i never get an email from a right winger and haven't for years, you know why, one "mass" email and they are w.out notice, discussion, or argument placed on my list of blocked emails and i never have to hear from the bigot again

yes if the bigot is a relative she can still call me on the phone, but guess what, when they have to spend $$$ to do it, they only call me for important family matters and not to spam me with racism, chauvinism, and hate -- so it really IS that easy

by the way, snopes and even cosomopolitan magazine refuted the short hair/easily removed clothes spam over five freakn years ago so not only are your email correspondents buttheads and morons they are eerily sending around an email last active in the late 90s

you could tell em to grow up or you could accept they have some mental disease and just block their crap and go on w. your life

i vote block their crap and go on w. yr life, you are not going to change the mind of a prodromal alzheimer's victim who thinks it is still 1997

christ ain't heard that short hair bullshit in years!

[undergroundpanther]

4. I really hate the macho crap

I hate when men oogle. I hate when men grab. I hate their eye-fucking selfishness. Their greedy egotistical lord of the manor type of attitude implication that I exist to please them or I exist for taking care of them is sickening. Guys like that are treated as worthless scum by me by default. And if they dare touch me without my permission they will get hurt, and I will leave scars so they will think twice before treating a woman as an object to consume... If they oogle and hoot they will be publicly humiliated.And I don't care what male is offended by my self defense and my self esteem.I'll knock his balls to the roof of his mouth to make my point crystal clear ..if he insists on it,he will be educated very painfully about respecting my self sovereign body,mind and personal space.

More women need to get acquainted with using their fists teeth and knives and big shit-kicker boots and develop a cruel tongue to stab the heart of selfish visual rapists with well directed anger... It's great to learn verbal and physical self defense. It is very important for taking care of 'entitled' men that interfere with your freedom ,who think it's ok to violate your boundaries and your self esteem because they believe you are an object to be used ,not a human being who is respected by default like "the men " are. I think feminists need to take the socially dominant and show them how it feels.And keep demonstrating it to these assholes until they know what they do to women is wrong and it is evil and inexcusable.

[Name removed]

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[REP]

9. Those Aren't Safety Measures - They're Fear Measures

A book like Gavin DeBecker's "The Gift of Fear" goes into length why "tips" like those in that email are useless; the long hair-short hair thing, for example, is bullshit. DeBecker's book offers some useful advice (and no, it isn't "dress modestly and live in fear").

[Neil Lisst]

7. KB, I enjoy your posts, even though I don't always agree.

I'm a dad. I have grown kids, as well as grown nieces and nephews. I worry about them and warn them of dangers like a mother hen tending her chicks.

It's about awareness primarily. Be aware, not afraid, but not oblivious. Be ready and planned should a situation occur. Think ahead what you will do, then rehearse it in your head, just like you rehearse those serious conservations you will have with husband, mother, boss, or friend.

The only time I ever respond to those rightwing mass emails that all my rightwing relatives love to send around is when I feel an overwhelming urge to show what a fraud their president is, like when I sent them all this the week of Christmas:


That got me off some mailing lists!

[magellan]

8. Boy, your aunt's cynical

Sure, do what you can to avoid unsafe situations, but modify yourself so you aren't a target? Cut your hair and wear a chastity belt?? Gawd. Women aren't raped because they're beautiful or wear halter tops. Women are raped because the rapist judges them to be an easy or otherwise desireable target for their power trip, usually for a reason only known to their own sick minds. It could be the length of your hair...or its color...or simply because you aren't paying attention.

Being alert to your surroundings and carrying yourself as someone to be reckoned with are much more effective defenses than what your aunt's selling. If she follows her own advice then she's the loser.