It could be worse: Saparmurat Niyazov ... (I'm just saying)

[jsamuel]

The Daily Show had a small segment about Saparmurat Niyazov last night. Scary as all hell. He makes everyone read his personally written book every Saturday. He is the self-proclaimed President-for-life.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saparmurat_Niyazov

Here are some of his decrees:
* banning news readers from wearing make-up as Niyazov had difficulty telling male and female readers apart
* banning lip syncing when performing songs
* In December, 1999, that every school pupil, student, soldier and military officer in Turkmenistan is to be presented on New Year's Eve with a watch bearing the picture of President Saparmurat Niyazov
* In April, 2001, banning ballet and opera, describing them as "Not a part of Turkmen culture"
* In 2001, forbidding young men to wear long hair or beards
* In June 2001, requiring foreigners wishing to marry a Turkmen national to pay a $50,000 fee.
* In 2002, renaming bread from chorek, the traditional Turkmen word, to Gurbansoltan edzhe after his mother
* In August 2002, redefining the stages of life, with adolescence extending to 25 and old age beginning at 85 (detailed below)
* In 2004, insisting that all licensed drivers pass a morality test
* In March 2004, dismissing 15,000 public health workers in wide-ranging cuts that particularly targeted nurses, midwives, school health visitors and orderlies<1>
* In April 2004, urging young people not to get gold tooth caps or gold teeth, suggesting instead that they chew on bones to preserve their teeth<2>
* In February 2005, ordering the closure of all hospitals outside Ashgabat, saying that if people were ill, they could come to the capital; also ordering the closure of all rural libraries of Turkmenistan, saying that ordinary Turkmens do not read books anyway<3>
* In November 2005, ordering that physicians swear an oath to himself instead of the Hippocratic Oath
* In December 2005, banning video games, stating that they were too violent for young Turkmen to play - PS - Joe likes this one :evilgrin:

* In January 2006, Russian media reported he had ordered to stop paying pensions to 1/3 (more than 100,000) of the country's elderly people, cutting pensions to another 200,000, and ordering to pay the pensions received in the past two years back to the State. This has supposedly resulted in a huge number of deaths of old people, who may have had their pension (ranging from $10 to $90) as the only source of money. The Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Turkmenistan strongly denied <4> these allegations, accusing the media outlets of spreading "deliberately perverted" information on the issue.

[MADem]

1. But.....but....but...he's an ALLY in the war on TERRA!!!!!!

Speculation about the possibility that the Khanabad base would be replaced by a Turkmen one has been fuelled by the visits a number of senior US officials have paid to the country in recent months.

On August 23, the head of US Central Command, General John Abizaid, visited Ashgabat where he met Turkmenbashi - an honour not bestowed on every visitor, even of high rank. On October 5, Robert Joseph, Under-Secretary of State for Arms Control and International Security, also met the president to discuss cooperation in the global “war on terror”.

Much of the speculation revolves around an airbase in the southern city of Mary, conveniently close to Afghanistan.

According to a Turkmen defence ministry source who asked not to be named, “The Pentagon decided that it made sense not to put bases, in the old sense, in Central Asia but instead to set up mobile military support points, which are divided into various categories…. A category-two support point is to be stationed at Mary-2, from where troops can be moved efficiently if the need arises,”.

This same source added, “If an agreement on using Mary-2 is signed, then it will not contain the words 'military base', thus allowing Niyazov to say that Turkmenistan does not station foreign military bases on its territory.”... http://www.iwpr.net/?p=rca&s=f&o=257342&apc_state=henirca2005

Of course, energy assets have NOTHING to do with this relationship:

12:39 - 27 March 2006 - US and Turkish Ambassadors in Ashgabat, Turkmenistan, Tracy Jacobson and Hakki Akil, met together with Turkmen President Saparmurat Turkmenbasi right after the Turkmen leader’s meeting with Russian President Vladimir Putin.


Turkish sources revealed that this American-Turkish joint demarche took place a month ago and its aim was to suggest to Turkmenbasi an alternative proposal to Russia’s offer of developing the capacity of the existing pipelines between Russia and Turkmenistan.
The US and Turkish ambassadors re-launched the idea of the establishment of a trans-Caspian natural gas pipeline.
...
http://www.reporter.gr/fulltext_eng.cfm?id=60327123919

And the fact that the RUSSKIES like to be the big DAWGS in the region vis a vis gas distribution surely has NOTHING to do with the recent carping about PootiePoot "I look in his eyes, and see his soul" Putin, now, does it???

In an attempt to preserve control over energy exports out of Central Asia, Russia is taking a two-track approach to opposing the possible construction of trans-Caspian Sea pipelines. While Russian diplomats argue against an undersea pipeline on environmental grounds, Moscow is beefing up its military presence in the region.

One or more pipelines stretching along the Caspian’s seabed would effectively break a Russian monopoly over export routes between Central Asia’s key energy producers – Kazakhstan and Turkmenistan – and Western markets. Kazakh diplomats have expressed interest in a trans-Caspian oil pipeline that would enable Astana’s oil exports to link up with the existing Baku-Tbilisi-Ceyhan (BTC) route. Azeri and Kazakh officials have announced that they hope to reach an agreement by mid-April on the volume of Astana’s exports via BTC.

At present, Russia enjoys a controlling interest over export routes for Central Asian energy. The Caspian Pipeline Consortium route, for example, connects oil fields in western Kazakhstan with the Russian port of Novorossiysk. Gas from Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, and Uzbekistan is similarly funneled through Russia.

OK, now, forgive the source, here, but the info is valid:

...while Russia is still uneasy about launching the Baku-Tbilisi-Ceyhan main export pipeline (MEP), Gazprom is livid over the forthcoming Baku-Erzurum gas pipeline, which in the future may allow Turkmenistan and even Kazakhstan to export gas to Ukraine and Europe, bypassing the Gazprom pipeline network.
http://www.heritage.org/Press/Commentary/ed033106a.cfm

And just in case there isn't enough of a brouhaha out that way, let's toss CHINA into the mix:

The leaders of Turkmenistan and China announced April 3 that the two countries plan to construct a pipeline between them to ship Turkmen natural gas to China. Though any such project could hardly be described as "imminent," it likely will be realized within a few years, despite the Turkmen leader's eccentricities.
http://www.stratfor.com/products/premium/read_article.php?id=264305

This whole business could get VERY messy in future...

[Monkey see Monkey Do]

2. A spot of satire

This is a transcript of an improvised sketch by the British satirists John Bird and John Fortune (known as "The Long Johns"). Bird, playing the Turkmenistan Defense Minister is being interviewed by Fortune:

--

(...)

JOHN BIRD: Yes, yes he changes all those things, and, for, calls them after himself like you know, things after him Turkmenbashi, but also after his mother.  His very, his late mother, he was very fond of his mother, well we are all fond of our mothers, but we, yes but we don't go mad about it do we? But he, he, for example, we now have no word for bread in Turkmenistan is now called Dictator?s Mother. 

JOHN FORTUNE: You're making this up. 

JOHN BIRD: No, no, no.  No all this is true.  All this is true, so now you say would you like another slice of Dictator's Mother, please?   

JOHN FORTUNE: Really yes. 

JOHN BIRD: The well known saying, "I know which side of the Dictator's Mother is buttered". 

JOHN FORTUNE: Yes, yes.  "Man cannot live by Dictator's Mother alone".  This is obviously true, but I mean in what sense, in what sense is it an advantage for? 

JOHN BIRD: Well, no, also, the other thing is that, er, the months, the months of the year are called? He calls January after him, Turkmenbashi.  

JOHN FORTUNE: Oh of course. 

JOHN BIRD: But also, April is now called Dictator's Mother. 

JOHN FORTUNE: Really? 

JOHN BIRD: So you have to say "I'll see you at the end of Dictator's Mother." 

JOHN FORTUNE: Yes. 

JOHN BIRD: And "Dictator's Mother very wet for time of year." 

JOHN FORTUNE: Yes.  Yes.  Um, but in what sense is this, having this somewhat eccentric leader, in what sense is that an advantage? 

JOHN BIRD: Well if you have nuclear weapons and leader who is, you know, a little bit, then people are very careful of you, you know, they don't say, we don't call his bluff because you don't know whether he is bluffing, and he doesn't know whether he's bluffing. 

http://www.flashboy.org/turkmenbashi.html

To see them in action, check out the "Between ..." and "Beyond ..." links here:
http://www.indybay.org/news/2006/01/1794821.php

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Bird_(actor)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Fortune

[name not needed]

3. Yeah. At least bread is still called bread here.