Cat Scans Suck

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

First, there were no cats in the room.

Second, they made me drink unnatural substances.

Third, they put an IV in me.

Fourth, the IV caught my balls on fire.

Fifth, it's all the Republican's fault.



Seriously, the fact that I had to "pick lettuce" at way less than $50 an hour while between jobs to keep a roof over my head totally fucked my back.

I spent two years at a temp agency and did landscaping, dishwashing, construction cleanup and other jobs while having a degree in English and twenty years experience in sales and computer programming.

Now, I am at the doorstep of becoming disabled. I can't bend down, my med bills are about to eclipse my insurance and I'm gonna have nightmares about smoking balls.

What to do?

Suicide?

No.

Push for a Government that might take the working man into consideration again.

Hope is all we have.

(especially after you balls have caught fire).

[helderheid]

1. I've had one. You're right. The stuff you drink... uh, omg. Barium whatthe

and I had to drink it TWICE because the techs screwed up. Sorry to hear you had to go through it.

[benburch]

7. Thalium imaging stress tests are no fun either.

And don't get me started on Lithoscopy!

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

13. Please, I'm headed there. Don't spoil the surprise!

They didn't tell mee all the shit they put into me was going to request immediate evacuation in fifteen minutes.


I live 30 minutes from the Hospital.

Do the math.

(I made it home, though!)

[fortyfeetunder]

23. Can you use a hug?

I can't imagine your pain, sorry you had to go thru that!

:hug:

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

24. Thanks, bud. I needed that.

:hug:

[madokie]

46. upper gi, lower gi, colonscopy, they all suck.

the va has put me through most all in the last four years. as my sister said one day, she's 72, getting old ain't for wusses. but it sure beats the alternative.

[Duer 157099]

2. Hey me too

(except the balls part, haven't got those)

I didn't mind the scans so much, it was the needle to inject the dye into my discs (can you say ouch?)

So not only are we in similar situations, we have the same avatar :-)

[helderheid]

5. I am balless too. And my uterus was ripped out a few years ago. *sigh*

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

9. OMG! You lost your balls and your uterus? That's SO wrong!

can't believe we are posting this in GD

[helderheid]

11. LMAO!!

Never had balls. Still got my ovaries so WATCH OUT!!

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

14. LOL!!! Come on, my bud. This is my forum and buds!

:toast:

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

10. Ouch! Doublesucks!

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

8. LOL! Damn right, kid! And it sounds as if it is for the same

problem.

[DanCa]

3. Preaching to the chior here bro.

I gotta go for an mri every once in a while for my PD. At least I have the option of an open mri. BTW I am not prying but I hope your okay and am sending lots of white light your way.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

16. It seems as if several disks in my back have gone South...

The other ones are swelling and are giving me indisciminate cattle prod type shocks to my legs at whenever they deem the most inappropriate time in my life.

It really sucks.

[DanCa]

32. Tom your my bud

If you need anything let me know. If your going to go on disabilty let me know if you need help filling out the forms. Hang in there my friend, I am in your corner. :hug:

[tocqueville]

4. people like you are the real heroes

and despite your problems, you can still joke about them. Hope you can sort them out.

hat off

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

6. Having dye shot into you and having a spinal fluid leak is worse

I promise. Felt like water was going up my nose every time I bent or tilted my head for a year.

[CoffeeCat]

12. Congratulations...

...You've lived through quite a lot in the past hours.

I'm sorry your balls caught on fire. I'm a female, so I can't say that I know how that feels. However, I do empathize.

I have had an IV several times. I do know how that feels and I'm glad that it's over for you. I have to say--the IV that had a steady dose of Vicodin in it---wasn't all that bad. Weeeeeee!

I do think you need to complain to someone about absence of those cats. I mean really. We pay so much for healthcare. If these jackals want to rob us blind, they need to include the cats in the scans!

Thinking of you, and hoping that everything is ok.

I'm sending you loads of sparkly karma and an ice pack for your burned....well, you know.

:)

[Duer 157099]

15. And speaking of cat scans...

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettably, is dead.

The man is clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, and demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat, and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead, too."

The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a Black Labrador. The Lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead, too."

The man, finally resigned to the diagnosis, thanks the vet and asks how much he owes. The vet answers, "$550."

"$550 to tell me my dog is dead?" exclaimed the man!

"Well," the vet replies, "I would only have charged you $50 for my initial diagnosis. The additional $600 was for the cat scan and lab tests."

[doc03]

17. You think a Cat Scan sucks, try a MRI it really sucks.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

19. Been there, done that.... before. Two hours in a tube with noise

that I ended up trying to make a tune out of.

The bitch of the whole thing is that the shocks come at points to where I can't sleep but for minutes at a time and the next day at work I'm a zombie.

[doc03]

25. This one is 10 minutes, this one will be 12 minutes, this one

is going to 6 be minutes, this one is 8 minutes, they had one that was 20 minutes I thought it would never end I actually fell asleep with that machine gun noise in my ears.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

26. I spent at least an hour in the damn thing.

No fun.

[Swamp Rat]

18. I know how you feel.

:hug: I wish I could afford another one, and an MRI, etc. Hell, I'd be happy with some cannabis to ease the pain, but this republican controlled government says I am to shut up and suffer until I die.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

21. LOL... "God" sent me some herb when I helped an accident victim

, I let her use the bathroom and she left 20 minutes later. I didn't find it until weeks later.

Thanks, stranger! It has come in handy.

[KoKo]

20. That's a really bad experience....

They told me to watch for a "metallic taste" after the IV and the damned thing took so long that I got claustrophobic having to "breathe and hold....breathe and hold" I thought I'd jump off the table any minute and run screaming out of there! Also kept holding when the damned computer thing told me to breathe and figured I would mess the test up. I hate having some computer voice telling me what to do!

No balls to catch on fire...must be terrible...but read the joke by Sparkly and that might help the pain....

Sorry you had to go through that...it's a bummer even without balls...:-(

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

22. Thanks, Koko.... I just remembered the "metallic taste" warning.

Thanks again, you're a sweetheart.

[amitten]

27. Sorry 'bout the balls. n/t

[pansypoo53219]

28. pfft

try a few MRIs. not that i had ball worries.

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

30. I had to do those before the CT's

They were long and patience trying, but the gastric experiences just weren't there.

[NYC]

29. Not all cat scans are painful.

I'm saying this for the benefit of people who may have cat scans in the future, so they won't be unnecessarily fearful.

It depends on what you are having scanned. If you have bones scanned, there are no injections, no liquids to swallow, etc. You are simply scanned.

[Jane Austin]

31. They suck, but thank God for them.

They are just such a great diagnostic tool.

My heart-dog even had one and they found a brain tumor.

Treatment seems to be going well so far. (Knock on wood, prayers, etc.)

Meanwhile, consider yourself cyber-hugged. :)

I ruined my back gardening, too, but it was voluntary.

[northofdenali]

33. I've "picked lettuce", too, Tom. No fun. And as to your

predicament, one fellow had it worse:

One morning, Kevin wakes up to find his dog dead, lying next to his bed. He can't quite believe it, so decides to take him to the vet. The Vet takes one look at the dog and says, "Kevin, I'm truly sorry, but your dog is dead."

"No. He can't be dead. I demand a second opinion!" replies Kevin.

The doctor nods and agrees. He goes into the back room and brings out a cat. The cat jumps all over the dog, bites it, looks at the vet and says, "Meow."

The vet again says, "I'm sorry but your dog is truly dead."

Kevin says, "No!, I don't believe it, I want another opinion."

The vet nods and brings out a Labrador Retriever, which then begins to jump all over the dead dog, tugging at it before barking, "Woof roof woof!"

The vet says, "Sir, your dog is dead. That will be 400 dollars."

" $400 to tell me my dog is dead?" asks Kevin.

"Well," the vet replies, "I charge 50 dollars, the cat scan is 200 and the lab test is 150 dollars..."


:evilgrin::spank::blush: sorry........... At least it wasn't a balls on fire joke..


I note derivations of this elsewhere. Will it become a brazillion? Who knows.....

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

35. LOL! Good one!

Now if we can figure out a way to get flaming balls into the joke, it's a killer!

[Lost-in-FL]

34. CT Tech here...

Yup. I'm one of those that shoot stuff in your arm so your ass feels like it cought on fire and give you that nasty stuff to drink.
And if you see one of us walking towards you with a glass of Barium don't ask me "Do I have to drink that??" DUH!!!! Do you really think I would give you that crap for the heck of it?? :P :crazy: :silly: :spank:

[ScreamingMeemie]

43. Do you also say all innocent like,"This may make you feel slightly ...warm

Knowing all the while that you are lying? ;)

[Lost-in-FL]

55. Actually, I picture the worse case scenario

And my patients seem to appreciate that. Also, when I start IV's I won't say "little stick". That is Bull Shit... IV's hurt like hell and I HATE needles. I care to know what patients feel. :hug:

[ScreamingMeemie]

56. I am sure you are wonderful! I was teasing because they always

tell me that. Last year, when I was getting a scan on my lungs after the OR staph infection, I told the tech that my catheter was getting pulled out while the bed was moving...and he said,"No, it just 'feels' like that because of the iodine, Sweetie". The catheter was pulled out by the movement of the bed. It was tangled up. :) :hug:

[Lost-in-FL]

57. Some CT Techs...

Had never had a CT Scan and they don't know how the contrast feels like. I had one and I though I was having a reaction and was scarred shitless. They never told me in school how it would feel like so I learned then to educate my patients. The more educate about their procedure they are, the better the test since they will have certain expectations. By telling patients what is "really" going to happen make then at ease and after the test they tell me that it wasn't that bad. :toast:

[ScreamingMeemie]

59. One tech was really super. Before she injected the dye she told

me,"It's going to get really warm in spots...like your hoo-hoo.." She was hysterical. :hi:

[Tesha]

60. Well they did in "Lethal Weapon 3"!

> Do you really think I would give you that crap for the heck of it??

Well they did in "Lethal Weapon 3"! Or at least
Riggs did (by modifying the medical orders).

Tesha

[petronius]

36. I may be a bit gullible, but please reassure that "balls on fire"

is not literal - a euphemism for something?

Anyway, I'm really sorry you're going through it all - hope it turns out for the best...

[REP]

37. Iodine Contrast for KUB Scan

I assume, since I have them so often and that's what it sounds like; there's an iodine-like contrast that is injected so the kidneys, ureters and bladder and be visualized on CT. Same contrast is used for an IVP (intervenous pyelogram). Makes the crotch feel warm (or the arm feel like it's going to explode if the contrast is injected improperly and the vein blows out - been there, done that).

[Alamom]

42. My experience as well.....it's the contrast dye and it does set the

lower region on fire (literally for a few moments, although it seems longer .....)

I have this "test" at least once a year due to ovarian cancer 8 years ago. More often if I have an unusual pain. I hate them, but they can your life.....saved mine and may again.

Being female, it is really bad. I can only imagine being male.

"Burning Balls" sounds about right, Tom.

So sorry, but taking it all with a dose of humor helps. :hug:
I hope you're able to find help.



I also have never seen any cats which has been a great disappointment.

[Lost-in-FL]

58. For females is different...

Females feel like if they are weting on their pants, really! But it does feels very warm down there. Some even say it feels like a small... orgasm!! I don't know about that one but I had people actually liking the injection of iodine. Now I wonder why. :crazy:

[Hekate]

38. Gods, I love you all for keeping your sense of humor in dark times

So many of the responses here made me laugh, and I know you've all been having a really bad time of it, and it's wonderful you can keep a wry sense of humor. Please accept a :grouphug: and hang in there.

Yours for better days SOON,

Hekate

[H2O Man]

39. One of my favorite parts

of physical disability is how my children view it. My boys, both older, remember me as healthy, fit, athletic, and active. My daughters were younger; the youngest really has only known me as disabled. A couple years ago, at the evening meal, she said (out of nowhere), "No one wants Dad on a sports team. Last one you'd want on soccer. Can't run. He is so slow!" And, by gum, not a single soccer team has invited me to join since.

[Neil Lisst]

40. I can see you've had fun with Scans, but you really MUST ...

... get one with your head screwed down to a board so it can't move.

now THAT'S fun!!

the fiery IV gave me some idea of what people who shot drugs intravenously must feel ... ugh!

[Tracer]

41. I just had a CT scan on Monday, and ...

... I thought it was easy and simple.

Sure, I had to drink the barium (tastes like liquid yogurt with a dash of chalk), but it really wasn't THAT bad.

And yes, I had the IV that ---- for 5 SECONDS --- gives you a jolt of heat.

Anyone who complains about the above has gotta be some kind of wuss.

[madokie]

44. If you'll remember they said that when they start the IV that in some

people there would be much pain in others not so much. been there, done that ;-)

[madokie]

45. I say we keep pushing, we got the wheels slowly turning

[lonestarnot]

47. Damn dude, sounds serus.

48. your spine needs to be in correct alignment

you may already know this, but yoga is good for exercising the spine, those big plastic balls are good to sit on for keeping your spine in correct alignment and strengthening your abdominal muscles helps too.

Doctors rarely talk about yoga, but it is great for you. Lumbar problems are very common. And neck problems are increasing too from people sitting in one position while using computers.

[Bridget Burke]

49. I knew a doctor from India who'd learned yoga from his father.

But he was too busy to continue in the USA--patients, research, a family! Then he had dreadful back pain & finally got medical help. (No, MD's do NOT rush to see other MD's!)

He ended up paying big bucks for physical therapy. He recognized the moves as the yoga he'd learned, once upon a time.

When you're in severe pain is NOT the time to begin yoga. But yoga (or less formal stretching) is great prevention.

50. Yes, I am not an expert on back pain

but don't expect to hear a lot from doctors on prevention or on yoga. I did bring myself back from medium pain of my back by getting books, and eventually tried yoga for stress relief but found out it is good for all kinds of upkeep for the body. And overall stretching at regular intervals is good, take a look at animals - they always stretch every time they get up from a nap.

[Bridget Burke]

54. I had a pinched nerve in my back a few years ago...

OUCH! Muscle relaxants "cured" it, but my MD gave me a list of exercises.

Every time I start feeling stiff, I get off the couch/away from the PC & start using my muscles.

[The Flaming Red Head]

51. You keep working till you fall over ( what I'm doing)

Poor you and I mean that.

They don't give disability to people who have spent their lives trying to better themselves (that's the biggest strike against you). They're going tell that your desire to improve yourself means that you can find something else (your history of hard work and obtaining an education only proves that), when you turn to the health care system for relief, (if you can afford to see a doctor at all/ most won't take cash patients anymore) they'll tell you that you only want drugs (NO, you just want your back to quit hurting so that you can keep working and paying your bills because no one else is going to do it for you)

The ones that turn you down for disability, pain meds and access to health care etc are going to be some of the biggest twits that you'll ever meet in your life.

As you watch your crack head or tweaker neighbors collect their monthly checks, access health care through Medicaid insurance, and hold daily barbeque's with their food stamps you are going to question your entire existence (I do that all the time)

BTW your screen name is so appropriate for your situation.


(I had an ACF on two levels with incomplete filling and I have bulges in every lumbar disk with a nasty herniated disk at L3-4 and I do a lot of lifting while working as a nurse for a quadriplegic, but I can't quit because it pays better than any job I've ever had (no bennies though) and I am dedicated to the people that I work for)


Edited one more time to say that I have heard that steroid injections into the bad disks work wonders. I can't afford one, but if you still have insurance you may want to try it, it beats the hell out of taking pain pills.

[wordpix]

52. goodness - gracious- great balls of fire!

[entanglement]

53. Very sorry to hear that, TYJ

:hug:
I hate it when good guys suffer.

[benEzra]

61. I sympathize...

I had a couple of CAT scans in June and July to rule out a nasolacrimal tumor. Had to do it with the contrast--yeah, that's a wierd feeling. And you have to hold STILL...

My 7-year-old son had a CAT scan at Duke last week, to evaluate him as a candidate for pharyngeal flap surgery (sigh); the position of the carotid arteries in kids with 22q.11.2 deletion is often atypical (his are), so they need to know the placement exactly. He was out on fentanyl for the scan, but getting the IV in was tough; they needed a really large-bore needle for the injector, and he's a small 7-year-old who has seven years experience wiggling out of needle sticks...