Predict what Bush's speech on war with Iran will sound like

[Rocknrule]

and what kind of bullshit justifications he will use

[tridim]

1. Terra terra terra

Keepin' Merika safe. Same old shit.

[livetohike]

2. "Eye-Rak possesses weapinz of mass distrucshion", etc.

etc. Terra, terra, terra.

[eShirl]

3. evildoers, 9/11, we were attacked, 9/11, spreading democracy, 9/11

blah blah blah

[C_U_L8R]

4. It will sound like

the last gasp of democracy and liberty
(at least in this country)

[Rocknrule]

5. "We must blow up the entire world, as it is the only sure way

to completely eradicate terra"

pun intended

[Generic Other]

6. They won't bother to tell us anything

We see those low poll numbers and read them as meaning people are fed up with a corrupt man and his stupid lies. He probably reads them as meaning he needs to be tougher and more violent because it will bring up his numbers. He is swollen with pride and feeds on the idea of being the preseident who left the largest footprint. Too bad its going to be on our collective necks.

[Taxloss]

7. Hmmmm ...

"Generic appeal to patriotism ... tired reference to being at war ... complimentary and schmaltzy words about American character ... transparently false claim to have 'learned' ... inappropriate, inapt and irrelevant use of historical precedent involving Lincoln, Washington, FDR, Churchill or all of the above ... September 11 reminder ... warning of present grave danger ... imminence ... pre-emption - barrage of overcooked and misleading 'facts' ... plea to retain resolve in face of aforementioned non-existent imminent danger ... undo plea to stay calm with spectre of nuclear and/or domestic terrorism ... vague, unsettling hint that he has seen intelligence too disturbing and sensitive to share with the public ... infuriating damnation of multilateralism with faint praise ... praise of American characteristics ... praise of remaining allies (Micronesia, Hawaii and T Blair) ... false concern for Iranian people ... something about operations having begun ... 'we will prevail' ... soundbite for headlines ... Thank you."

Thunderous applause from hand-picked audience.

[TallahasseeGrannie]

8. click....... click.......... click

click...click..click.clickclickclickclick



(geiger counter)


Do you have to be a Boomer to know what that is?

[Rocknrule]

9. Like this:

except replacing Iraq with Iran

THE PRESIDENT: My fellow cowboys: WHO, WHO, WHO LET THE DOGS OF WAR OUT?! BOO-YA! RAQ AND ROLL!

Tonight, having grown tired of waiting for Jesus, Big Daddy and The Spook to get off their high horses, I have decided to act unilaterally to speed up the slow-as-a-Tijuana-hooker-on-a-meter pace of the fulfillment of Biblical prophesy, and start making all the crazy stuff in the Bible happen so we can get on with the apocalypse. I mean, if we waited on the Jews – a pack of folks who took 40 years to cross a desert the size of Baltimore – we could be waiting forever. And I'm not about to let all the fun stuff happen when Jeb is president. I don't have to tell you how fucking "A" awesome this is. I say jump, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff cock and lock!

Jogging, beer, hording ill-gotten wealth, fixing elections – those are all pretty cool rushes. But nothing beats being able to call down a cloudburst of hot, throbbing JDAM missiles to crash onto the brows of uppity, mud-colored sons of bitches who got a little too big for their girly sarongs, dig? WOW. Man – after this, I can tell you, I'm gonna pound the old lady but GOOD!

Tonight, on my orders, Christian forces have begun moving against Osama bin – no, wait, no, that's not right – the other guys, Saddam Hussein, striking selected mosques, evildoer orphanages, and hospitals to undermine his ability to continue festering ineffectually in his impoverished, eunuch-like desert cesspool. We are also targeting Saddam's new Ford F150, rusted tank husks, Ho Chi Minh's grave, and the French Embassy.

These are opening stages of what will be a media-drenched and politically invigorating campaign. More than 35 countries – including some you all have even heard of, like the invaluable Nicaragua – have been handsomely compensated to suppress the will of their peoples and offer up insincere hosannas of support to me, the Supreme and Imperial Ruler of the World. Each of these nations has chosen to bear the duty and share the honor of extorting your tax dollars to provide me with the politically necessary illusion of international backing. As a present to myself to masterfully collecting this ragtag pack of international groupies, I have just signed Executive Order 87333, which completes my deification. As of Tuesday, any mortal who looks me in the eye will be immediately killed.

To all the men and women of the United States Armed Forces now in the Middle East, by putting your innocent lives in jeopardy, I exact personal vengeance on a tin pot dictator who made my feeble old man – and by extension, the whitebread pyramid scheme that is the Republican party – look weak. Furthermore, by exploiting your skill and your bravery, I will ensure that my family's petrochemical stock portfolio is not only protected, but is also vastly enhanced. And by awarding billions of dollars to Dick Cheney's company to rebuild what the taxpayers will spend even more billions of dollars to destroy, I can shut him and Lynne up for a little bit while they are kept busy getting hot and moist over their well-worn calculators – and toasting their good fortune to be able to use the lives of America's servicemen to triple their retirement fund.

We come to Iraq with respect for its citizens – the ones we're not killing - and for their great subterranean natural resources and their ability – like all humans – to be convinced into accepting Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior, or die the gruesome death deserved by all Christ-denyers.

Dudes and my fellow middle Americans: the dangers to my re-election prospects will be overcome. We will pass through this time of peril and carry on the work of fearmongering while the United States economy continues to implode. We will talk of peace while we wage war. We will talk of fiscal restraint, while we use the treasury like a Negro on payday. We will talk about defending our freedom while decimating our civil liberties. We will bring freedom from taxation to affluent white males and we will prevail.

Thank you, and good night. LET'S KICK SOME RAGHEAD ASS!

www.whitehouse.org

[Richard D]

10. Just like this.

My fellow citizens, at this hour American and coalition forces are in the early stages of military operations to disarm Iran, to free its people and to defend the world from grave danger.

On my orders, coalition forces have begun striking selected targets of military importance to undermine Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's ability to wage war. These are opening stages of what will be a broad and concerted campaign.

More than 2 countries are giving crucial support, from the use of naval and air bases, to help with intelligence and logistics, to the deployment of combat units. Every nation in this coalition has chosen to bear the duty and share the honor of serving in our common defense.

To all of the men and women of the United States armed forces now in the Middle East, the peace of a troubled world and the hopes of an oppressed people now depend on you.

That trust is well placed.

The enemies you confront will come to know your skill and bravery. The people you liberate will witness the honorable and decent spirit of the American military.

In this conflict, America faces an enemy who has no regard for conventions of war or rules of morality. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has placed Irani troops and equipment in civilian areas, attempting to use innocent men, women and children as shields for his own military -- a final atrocity against his people.

I want Americans and all the world to know that coalition forces will make every effort to spare innocent civilians from harm. A campaign on the harsh terrain of a nation as large as Iran could be longer and more difficult than some predict. And helping Iranis achieve a united, stable and free country will require our sustained commitment.

We come to Iran with respect for its citizens, for their great civilization and for the religious faiths they practice. We have no ambition in Iran, except to remove a threat and restore control of that country to its own people.

I know that the families of our military are praying that all those who serve will return safely and soon.

Millions of Americans are praying with you for the safety of your loved ones and for the protection of the innocent.

For your sacrifice, you have the gratitude and respect of the American people and you can know that our forces will be coming home as soon as their work is done.

Our nation enters this conflict reluctantly, yet our purpose is sure. The people of the United States and our friends and allies will not live at the mercy of an outlaw regime that threatens the peace with weapons of mass murder.

We will meet that threat now with our Army, Air Force, Navy, Coast Guard and Marines, so that we do not have to meet it later with armies of firefighters and police and doctors on the streets of our cities.

Now that conflict has come, the only way to limit its duration is to apply decisive force. And I assure you, this will not be a campaign of half measures and we will accept no outcome but victory.

My fellow citizens, the dangers to our country and the world will be overcome. We will pass through this time of peril and carry on the work of peace. We will defend our freedom. We will bring freedom to others. And we will prevail.

May God bless our country and all who defend her.

[Rocknrule]

11. "We enter this conflict reluctantly..."

the biggest bullshit statement Junior has ever made