"Dilbert Quotes" Contest Reaps LOL Funny Biz From Corporate America

[wordpix2]

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. These were voted the top ten quotes from the Dilberts we work for in corporate America, circa 2004: :crazy: :applause: :rofl:

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA)

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)

"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it." (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

:crazy: :applause: :rofl: :crazy: :applause: :rofl:

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

1. Glad to see Delco made it

I wonder if the rest of those companies will share their fate?

[AwakeAtLast]

4. I knew who it was before I read the company name.

Scary, huh? Oh, and BTW, the last Delco plant leaves my city next year.

Whooo's next? ;)

[ClintonTyree]

2. All great.....

and unfortunately, all too true! :rofl: No wonder jobs are getting outsourced to other countries! :rofl:

[wain]

3. "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say"

At least the Delco plant manager is honest about it. It's the team building, everyone participating charades that turn me off.

[spinbaby]

5. In 1994...

...the CEO of the company I work for said, "We don't want to be putting any money into the Internet because it's a passing fad."

[wain]

6. Some visionary!

An important part of the CEO's job is to blaze the trail and plan for the future. Looks like your former CEO missed this one!

Did he reverse his decision? Is he still there? Is the company still there?
:rofl:

[spinbaby]

7. The company is still there, the CEO is not

We still haven't recovered from our late entry into the Internet. And, mind you, this is a tech company.