http://www.guardian.co.uk/Columnists/Column/0,,1748275,00.htmlZoe Williams
Saturday April 8, 2006
The Guardian
The silent birth is a detail so freakish that it almost sounds as if the Scientologists concocted it with the sole aim of giving themselves a USP. ("Yes, I know we're weird, Scientology brother, but how do we distinguish ourselves from the weird Mennonites?") Their theory is that babies pick up, like, negative energy, and this is likely to come from the mother, especially if she's swearing at the moment of their arrival. I thought it must be one of those commandments to which religious people allude but take no notice of - such as the Jewish one where if you want to have a milky coffee and a steak, you have to drink the coffee first, despite the fact that civilised society clearly states the coffee has to come after, and to reverse this would be mortally wrong.
It turns out, though, that serious adherents to the Church of Scientology do, indeed, like their womenfolk to stay silent through birth. We know this because Tom Cruise has been having signs delivered to the house he shares with Katie Holmes. They say things like "Maintain a peaceful silence", and everyone feels a bit sick, for all the reasons you'd imagine would attach to this horrid little fanatic, observing his wifelet at the farthest reaches of physical endurance and then taking the opportunity to bully her and deny her drugs. In the normal run of things, I would take this chance to get into a feminist stew about it, apart from the fact that a) we can't assume that Holmes is entirely the creature of Cruise - to make that assumption would be misogynistic in itself; and b) before we even get on to the sexism, do you have any idea how racist this religion is?
Honestly, it isn't racist in an oblique way that only the over-sensitive would notice. Ron Hubbard's Scientology: The Fundamentals Of Thought clearly states: "Unlike yellow and brown people, the white does not usually believe he can get attention from matter or objects. The yellow and brown believe for the most part that rocks, trees, walls, etc, can give them attention. The white saves people, prevents famine, floods, disease and revolution ... the yellow and brown races are not very progressive." And when you ask a Scientologist about this - which I did, although I couldn't find any of the famous ones, so had to make do with an eerie, pasty lady on Tottenham Court Road - they don't even have the grace to refute this bilge. They kind of simper at you, and say, "Well, people are a lot more spiritual in the far east." Ha! There you are, you browns and yellows - you might not be very progressive, you very rarely prevent famine and flood, but you are a lot more spiritual. I bet that gives you a nice warm feeling.
With their silent births and vitamin injections, Scientologists - and there are tonnes of them, not just Squeaky and his missus - mask aspects of their belief that are openly vile. Before we give any consideration to the logistics of not screaming during childbirth, we should be boycotting their cinematic endeavours and pelting them with eggs.