From a phone call with my Republican father: it's RED HEIFER TIME!

[Plaid Adder]

DAD ADDER: I see Bush 'has not ruled out the nuclear option' re Iran.
ME: Man. If we take the lid off that, there's no telling what's going to happen.
DAD ADDER: I know! He goes into Iran and pretty soon you might be looking at a red heifer.

(a few moments of mutual hilarity ensue)

ME: How do you know about the red heifer?
DAD ADDER: I read one of those books by the evangelical guy, you know, with the rapture.
ME: The Left Behind books?
DAD ADDER: Yeah, them.
ME: Yeah, from now on whenever I hear him talk about hte 'nuclear option' I'll be like, "Oh no! It's red heifer time!"

It's not funny, of course...but you have to understand, my dad is a mainline Protestant, he doesn't know from Revelations. He's been educating himself about the Christian right because they scare the crap out of him (the intelligent design thing particularly bothers him because he has a sciences background). So he knows about the red heifer from Tim LaHaye, and I know about the red heifer from a SF series called Archangel Protocol written by Lyda Morehouse which sort of spins the Apocalypse in the opposite direction (it's now been discontinued, and some of the books are out of print, which is a damn shame). So, what, the family that mocks the Christian right together, stays together?

Once my dad gets a hold of a funny he likes he clings to it with deathlike tenacity. So probably, from now on, in my family, whenever something particularly crazy comes out of the foreign policy wing of the Bush asylum, it'll be, "Oh no! It's red heifer time!"

One must laugh somehow,

The Plaid Adder

[MountainLaurel]

1. Is the red heifer

One of the signs of the apocalypse in the books? I've never managed to get within 10 feet of those books without having the urge to vomit: Thanks to my fundamentalist childhood, the Rapture gives me panic attacks.

[Plaid Adder]

2. Apparently, yes, it's one of the signs/preconditions of the Apocalypse.

A perfect red heifer has to be sacrificed somewhere--I think somewhere in Jerusalem, though I can't remember exactly.

C ya,

The Plaid Adder

[MountainLaurel]

33. Thanks!

:hug:

[Iris]

5. yes - what is a red heifer exactly?

And, honey, I know about the Rapture and panic attacks - I didn't even go to a fundie church; just grew up in a fundie town and even peripherally, it scared the shit out of me.

[Plaid Adder]

12. A heifer is a cow. A perfect red heifer is a SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE!

A red heifer, I assume, is a cow with red hair (I suppose they're fairly rare). The sacrifice a of a red heifer "without defect" is supposed to be part of the preparation for the Apocalypse, according to some traditions.

Wow, Google "perfect red heifer" and you find some crazy shit:

http://www.keyway.ca/htm2000/20001010.htm

http://rapturewatch.cephasministry.com/306%20The%20Futility%20of%20the%20Red%20Heifer%202002.html

http://www.nationalreview.com/dreher/dreher041102.asp

That NRO piece is about a calf born in 2002 which apparently got some buzz about maybe being THE red heifer. Calf would be 4 years old today, which I guess woudl qualify it as a heifer.

BEWARE THE RED HEIFER!

The Plaid Adder

[Iris]

16. lol - BEWARE THE RED HEIFER

Maybe we should start a new discussion category - HEIFER WATCH!

[Pirate Smile]

20. I googled and just read that National Review article which seems

to be a decent summary.

:wtf: :wow: :scared:

Has anyone heard anything about the red heifer born in 2002? Does Bush have her in protective custody? eeeckkkk.

[jbnow]

39. The heifer has to be 3 years old

when it is sacrificed, so the 2002 one must not have stayed "perfect".

What makes this creepier is that it is Texas ranchers that are helping with the breeding program. I heard about that years ago and have vaguely followed it. They keep trying.

Here is one that mentions the Texas part, but there are many sites that mention it.
http://www.100megsfree4.com/farshores/ncalf.htm

In 1996, thanks in part to a cattle-breeding program set up in Israel with the help of Texas ranchers who are fundamentalist Christians, a red heifer was born.

[Kali]

25. Technically a heifer is a young female bovine -

cows are older and usually have given birth.



sorry I can't help myself.:blush:

[China_cat]

30. A heifer is an unmated female bovine.

Doesn't matter the age...just as long as it's a virgin. The one that piece was talking about developed some white hairs on its chest which disqualifies it as being the one of prophecy.

[Plaid Adder]

32. Oh my God, so it has to be a VIRGIN cow!

That makes it even better.

C ya,

The Plaid Adder

[leftofthedial]

3. what the hell is the red heifer?

[kentuck]

4. Thanks for that tidbit of info, Plaid Adder...

I did not know that! :)

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

6. So... Tell us about the Red Heifer

since I would rather stick knitting needles in my eyes than read another one of those idiotic "Left Behind" books. I made the mistake of buying the first one (in paperback, of course) without reading the cover blurb because I needed something to read on an airplane. It was so awful I couldn't finish it, so I never got to find out about the Red Heifer. Is it a mutant that occurs after a noo-ku-lar war, or just one of those Signs of the Apocalypse?

[Warpy]

7. You might have explained for us heathens out here

exactly what that means, because we're utterly befogged.

I've read a few excerpts from those execrable wastes of time and paper and only been able to determine they're loving and poorly worded descriptions of the torture of ordinary human beings the Calvinists love to hate.

You can't make me read those books. I read Rand. That was all the penance I needed to do in this lifetime.

[seabeyond]

8. wish i had link with scientist talking about biblical 2 lites. gotta tell

your dad this story. i am with dad on educating self on far right religion, being a mellow christian, wink. but last weekend a scientist saying bible a bit off two lites. greater lite and second lite? he said well, sun is a star, and moon not really lite seeing it is a reflection of lite. the religious got pissed and walked out.... cause it didnt conform to bible. i mean wtf

dont know the red heifer story though

funny dad

[Devlzown]

9. I was just wondering how you knew

about the red heifer when I saw your post. I was raised a fundy, so I heard about the red heifer in church. I thought it was a silly idea too.

[Bigmack]

10. Them Red Heifers is good eatin'....

... and kinda cute, too...

My Uncle Clem was a breeder of Red Heifers... until they caught him at it.

[soleft]

11. Would thi s be her?

[soleft]

14. Here's a Red Heifer with coffee

[Fleshdancer]

13. A little more info about the Red Heifer:

http://www.antiwar.com/justin/j041502.html


PROVOKING ARMAGEDDON

Okay, so now we get to the part about the red heifer: it turns out that, although no religious Jew is allowed on the Temple Mount, there’s a loophole – it’s okay if he or she is first purified in the ashes of a pure red heifer. These creatures are exceedingly rare. One was born a couple of years ago, in Israel, but it soon began sprouting white hairs on its tail and was deemed insufficiently pure by the rabbinical authorities. Ah, but science found a way around the fickleness of God’s creation, and through the modern miracle of genetic engineering – and funding provided by “Christian Zionists” in America – a red heifer has been bred, and pronounced pure. As Dreher points out, the world media covered this as a joke, but in reality the red heifer is the theological and political equivalent of a suitcase nuke waiting to go off. Dreher cites Richard Landes, a professor of history at Boston University and director of the Center for Millennial Studies:

“These kinds of circumstances are exactly what people are waiting for. We could be starting a war. If this is a real red heifer, and strict Orthodox rabbis have declared her worthy of sacrifice, then a lot of Jews in Israel will take that as a sign that a new phase of history is about to begin. The Muslims are ready for jihad anyway, so if you have Jews up there doing sacrifices, talk about a red flag in front of a charging bull.”

Rod Dreher, by the way, is the only writer I know of to catch the significance of this red heifer business, because the media tends to not take religion seriously, and yet I can’t help thinking that he perhaps unintentionally underscores another overlooked reality: that the problem of fundamentalism is not limited to the Arab world. The Islamic brand brought down the World Trade Center, but the Judeo-Christian varieties may succeed in starting World War III.

[Plaid Adder]

17. Here's a link to the Dreher piece that site is talking about:

http://www.nationalreview.com/dreher/dreher041102.asp

Scary stuff,

The Plaid Adder

[lonestarnot]

19. Yes that's it. But did they sacrifice it and keep its ashes?

http://www.direct.ca/trinity/ashes.html

[lonestarnot]

21. Apparently it sprouted some white tail hairs and made itself ineligible

http://www.100megsfree4.com/farshores/ncalf.htm

[Fleshdancer]

28. but there's a genetically engineered successor:

and this is when it gets insane:

But now there's a successor, and rabbis who have examined her have declared her ritually acceptable (though she will not be ready for sacrifice for three years). She arrives at a time when Israel is fighting a war for survival with the Palestinians, who are almost entirely Muslim, and a time in which Islam and the West appear to be girding for battle with each other, as Islamic tradition predicts will be the state of the world before the Final Judgment.

"These kinds of circumstances are exactly what people are waiting for," says Richard Landes, a Boston University history professor and director of its Center for Millenial Studies. "We could be starting a war. If this is a real red heifer, and strict Orthodox rabbis have declared her worthy of sacrifice, then a lot of Jews in Israel will take that as a sign that a new phase of history is about to begin. The Muslims are ready for jihad anyway, so if you have Jews up there doing sacrifices, talk about a red flag in front of a charging bull."

______________

This article was from April 11, 2002 and it says that the heifer will be ready to sacrifice in three years which means was ready this time last year. :shrug:

[Fleshdancer]

26. these people are freaks

They supposedly have faith in Armageddon but they don't leave it to their god to create the signs. Instead they take it upon themselves to play the role of their god and yet they can't fathom why I would believe that man created god instead of the other way around. Just wow.

This would be hilarious if these people had no power.

[Javaman]

31. So isn't genetically engineering a red heifer sort of like...

Loading the deck when playing cards? Yeah, you may win but it's cheating and wouldn't "god" frown down upon that? I mean, if there is a god, wouldn't be the least bit pissed off that these boobs are trying to rush "his plan"?

All so foolish. Once it is understood that man created god, the rest is easy.

[lonestarnot]

15. The red heifer was hefted a couple of years back.

http://www.direct.ca/trinity/ashes.html

[yellowcanine]

27. What if someone accidentially puts the red heifer in with a bull?

Oops.

[leesa]

18. The red heifer part will be easy. They've been working on the genetics

on that little perfect beast for a while. It's getting Israel in control of Jerusalem that's the bitch!

[muriel_volestrangler]

22. "One must laugh somehow"

It's plot by them damn Frenchies, I tell ya!

[Javaman]

23. But not to be confused with red bull....sorry couldn't resist. nt

[Horse with no Name]

24. If you reallly want to give him a laugh

Tell him it is a "free-martin" red heifer.:)
This is a term I learned many years ago growing up on a farm.:)
(Free´-mar`tin
n. 1. (Zool.) An imperfect female calf, twinborn with a male, which is sterile as a result of exposure to masculinizing hormones.)

[trof]

29. The (bizarre) parable of the Red Heifer:

Once, a Jew became impoverished and was forced to sell his plowing heifer to a heathen. The heathen used her to plow for six days, and when the Sabbath arrived he took her out to plow as well, just as he had done on every other day. But on this day, the heifer seemed possessed. She struggled under the yoke, and refused to move. The owner kicked her and hit her, but the heifer would not budge from the spot.

The heathen went back and told the Jew, "take your heifer back; perhaps there is something wrong with her. As much as I strike her, she will not move." The Jew understood that the heifer was accustomed to resting on the Sabbath. He bent down and whispered into the animal's ear, "Heifer, heifer, I know that when you belonged to me, you would plow during the six work days, and rest on the Sabbath. But alas! I have had to sell you, and now this one possesses you. He does not recognize the sanctity of this day. Please go and plow for him."

The heifer began to plow immediately. The buyer stood spellbound at this sight, and when he sufficiently recovered from his shock he grabbed hold of the Jew and demanded "I asked you to take her back. Now I won't let you go from here, until you tell me what it is that you did in her ear! I struggled with her and hit her, and she wouldn't stand!

The Jew began to calm and appease him. "I did no magic or spell," he explained. "I just told her that she must come to terms with the fact that she must now work on the Sabbath... "

The man stood thunderstruck. Trembling with awe, he whispered "If this cow, who cannot speak and has no understanding, recognizes its Creator....what of me, whom that same Creator made in His own image, and bestowed with intelligence?! Should I not become acquainted with Him?"

That man embraced the G-d of Israel, and eventually became a great and respected scholar.
http://www.templeinstitute.org/red_heifer/introduction.htm

[lonestarnot]

34. Wonder what's with the G-d?

[trof]

38. I believe orthodox jews can not say the name of their diety.

[lonestarnot]

40. Really?

[Coastie for Truth]

35. Numbers XIX-XXII - which is a logical mystery. NT

[blm]

36. Hey Plaid - Have you informed your dad that Tim LaHaye has a longtime

relationship with RevMoon?

Back in the late 70s they were both considered mind control experts - Moon's was for real, I think LaHaye was still a wannabe expert then. Moon kept LaHaye and his wife funded for years until it became difficult for LaHaye to explain and he hit on the Left Behind book idea to sway believers into accepting its theopolitical scenarios.

[spuddonna]

37. Your dad sounds just like my father-in-law...

He's a Republican Protestant, and a physicist. He's very freaked out by * and the fundies. I'm planning to push that "Faith over Science" button hard the next time we get a chance to talk politics. :evilgrin: Anytime I hear "God speaks to me" quotes about *, I jot down notes...

Gotta seek that common ground otherwise 'the discussion' descends into a donnybrook really fast! lol And he's 2.5 ft taller than me so I need my verbal ammo! :)