Breaking: Ghosts of War Past, Present, Future visit Bush, Get Nowhere -

[politicaholic]

Purgatory Dispatch
Crawford, TX - During this Easter holiday, the time when Christians reflect on Jesus' teachings, his death for man's sins, and resurrection, the Ghosts of Wars Past, Present, and Future during their weekly texas holdum game last week had the not-so-bright idea to visit President George W. Bush. The Ghosts attributed the bad idea to a mixture of beer and processed nacho cheese. This reporter agrees.

"So I took him to the Crusades first to shock him by the senseless death over an ideal...boy, was that a mistake." said the Ghost of Wars Past, an eternally weeping Roman soldier who died in a conflict against the Huns. "He just stood on the hill yelling, 'Git some, git some! You couldn't suck any Moor...get it...Moor?', it was embarrassing to say the least. What, with the stream of dead spirits filing past on their way to be judged. He got some pretty nasty looks."

"I tried to get through to him," the Mr. Past concluded, "but by the time we got to Hitler and he started mimicking his hand gestures I was done man. I just sent him back to his room to wait for the Ghost of Wars Present."

The Ghost of Wars Present, a mass of fresh blood in human form that grows by the second, went to visit him. "Usually people are pretty freaked out when they see me, but he was just like, 'Stop dripping on my carpet jerk!', my first thought was that that was totally odd behavior."

Mr. Present, of course, took him to Iraq. "I couldn't even keep his attention. I'm there trying to show what happens when a Humvee passes an IED and he's just staring like a zombie at the oil wells in the horizon. I was like, 'Are you gonna watch?' and he was like, 'Yeah, yeah, yeah...just a sec...how much oil do you think those suckers produce per day?'. I was fed up, me, an ever expanding mass of blood, was fed up."

"Of all the ghosts I was sure that I would make him see the error of his ways." said the Ghost of Wars Future. "All I did was leave at the end of the night with a self esteem issue. Either this guy's totally oblivious or I'm loosing my touch!"

With his mechanized envirosuit that makes him look more like a scary futuristic robot than a human, the Ghost of Wars Future took the president through the radiated wasteland that was once central-western India. He showed him the results of his escalation of the War on Terrorism to Iran resulting in a complete breakdown of diplomacy in southern Asia.

"I couldn't fucking believe it. He was smiling...well...smirking more like it. I asked what that stupid grin was about and he just started howling and jumping around like a cattle rustler that just got laid. He kept on yelling, 'America's safe! America's safe! I'm the greatest president that ever lived!'. I thought I was gonna crap my suit. That is one sick son-of-a-bitch right there."

Before the Ghost of Wars Future concluded the interview by fading into a bright vortex of light he said, "You guys are totally screwed, but what ever you do, don't impeach him! I just don't have the wear-with-all to go through this with that crack pot Dick Cheney. Yeesh!"

[AndyTiedye]

1. Truely They Are the Warped Residents

[readermostly]

2. Good read. Even though it's a fantasy, that's like I would imagine it

happening. Thank you.

[politicaholic]

3. Thank you...

It's a crazy vision that I just had to get out of my head.