The divorce rate has doubled in the last 50 years

[serryjw]

Now I am sure there are many reasons for divorce. I have a theory that diverse has gone up as plastic surgery has become more 'affordable'. The quest for the perfect woman is unattainable. Men see woman in Hollywood of all ages with perfect bodies and perfect faces. Growing old gracefully is gone. Everyone is now in the 50's and 'they look 10 years younger'. 50 years ago 'average' looking people fell in love and got married. Now, you have to be a financial/professional success, perfect body & face & extreme athlete. I read the online personals, regardless of whether they are true or not, and everyone seems to be looking for Barbie & Ken of all ages. Is happiness possible any more?

[Yupster]

1. The number of kids

growing up in single family homes I'm sure has more than doubled too. Any teacher will tell you it's a real problem today. Senator Moynihan warned about it 40 years ago.

[lovuian]

2. Yes it is... but I know many Americans are looking for perfect

and there is no such thing for human beings...

Your seeing the sick society we have... disposable and stressful...

Kids nowdays have so much stress on them its horrible...

It means for tough times for our children...

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

3. It's Really Only Because It's Far More Socially Acceptable Now.

That's my take on it anyway.

[Hobarticus]

4. My parents divorce in 1970, and no one talked about it even then...

Mom said it carried quite a stigma, even hot on the heels of the '60s. But, she was a good Catholic girl, too.

I think it's lost that stigma and people are more willing to discuss it and proceed with it.

[MadisonProgressive]

5. Partially my fault. Sorry...

[MercutioATC]

6. I hear ya, but I don't think that's the reason...

I think operationmindcrime has it right in his post below. Divorce doesn't carry the same social stigma that it did 50 years ago. Neither does homosexuality. I don't believe there are more gay people now than there were 50 years ago...I believe that there's less of a social stigma involved and more people feel comfortable living their lives as they see fit.

Divorce itself isn't a bad thing. It's merely the dissolution of a contract. Sometimes, that's the most positive course of action.

[Warpy]

7. I once read a bit put out by the Chinese government chiding their

bachelors for expecting a wife to look like a film star, cook like a chef, produce only a male child, and earn a fabulous salary while making sure the house was run to perfection, so it's not just here.

My feeling is that the divorce rate is rising because of the antifamily policies of conservatives: low wages, disappearing benefits, gutted social services, and the lack of community forcing families to become two paycheck families created.

Adding to that is the fact that women aren't killed off by childbirth by the time they hit their low 30s and less than half the men in the country are motivated to stick with the love of their lives once age and childbirth ruin her looks.

I read the personals for a while after my divorce 20 years ago and got incredibly sad. Women were ready to settle for any nice guy. Men wanted someone up to 30 years younger and all specified "thin.

It took me two months of reading those things to give up any idea of ever finding anyone again. I wish them luck. They're going to need it.

[meow2u3]

17. On top of that, many "adults" never grew up

Many Americans are still children at heart, or at best, perpetual adolescents. They want the privileges of adulthood: sex, drinking, driving, voting, etc., but shirk adult responsibilities, such as self-discipline; self-control; faithfulness (yes, that is an adult responsibility), especially in hard times; accepting the reality that your mate is not an image of your fantasy life, but a human being with real flaws; facing problems in life instead of running from them; etc.

These overgrown kids live by the adage that when the going gets tough, they get going--far, far away.

[seabeyond]

8. yes it is possible. further i experience. after 12 years i fall in love

more and more. i wouldnt have thought it to be true, but it is. we respect each other more. enjoy each other more. it is great, absolutely great. i was talking to him a couple days ago, because of something and i said, you know, no other woman will put up with your shit. i was teasing but that got me thinking. my husbands things are a shrug of shoulder for me. i know it is part of him. i dont need to change it. i dont get bothered or pissed. it is the non perfect of him. and it doesnt bother me. mine dont bother him either

i think what a lot of couples do, is allow themselves to be irritated by the negatives or non perfect. and they want to change them. they say, you need to work on these things. and i personally just do not have to/ will not,. we are all allowed our imperfection. and if i want my imperfections to be allowed (and i do cause i like it just fine) then i must allow his too

yes, happiness in marriage is awfully good. or i would have no desire to be married at all. i dont need to be with a person. this is the only way, for me. and it is just grand

we dont fight. we have no desire to fight. we dont argue. he allows me to be and i him. he does not want my power. he does not want me to do him. and vice versa. and it is a kick ass environment to raise kids

we just really really like each other and he makes me laugh

[BlooInBloo]

9. You seem to think the increase is due to men dumping women....

... I'd be inclined to think exactly the opposite. That, within the last 20 or so years, women have become more empowered both socially and economically than they used to be, and now they are dumping men in much greater numbers than they used to.

Could be tolly wrong though.

[serryjw]

11. As I said on my original OP

I think there are many reasons. Woman are more impowered than 50 years ago. I think woamn are more interested in a nice guy and we accept the imperfections more than men do. I don't see millions of woman leaving there 50 year old husbands for a guy 20 years younger like men do.

[BlooInBloo]

13. (shrug) All I saw in your OP was men-want-this-and-that....

... I must have missed the part where you talked about women being *empowered*, and exercising their power to be discriminating. My apologies.

[serryjw]

14. Did my LAST post not say

that there are many reasons? Did I not say that woman are more empowered? Do you see woman dumping men at the same rate as men do in their 50's for YOUNGER partners??

[Yupster]

16. I believe women file for divorce much more

than men do.

[pitohui]

19. no blooinbloo i think you are correct

it has been awhile but last time i checked the stats the drive in divorce rates was a great deal driven by women who had tired of PMS (putting up w. men's shit)

[walldude]

10. Ever since gays have been coming out of the closet

that's why they shouldn't be allowed to marry. :sarcasm:

Maybe it's just me but I find perfection a big pile of shit. What I see in Hollywood is too much makeup and too much plastic surgery, and not just on women. Anyone seen Kenny Rogers lately? He looks like... someone else. Between the facelifts and the botox people are starting to look like Katherine Helmond in Brazil. I can't understand why these people think plastic surgery is attractive. Is their self esteem so low that they will mutilate their faces thinking it's making them more attractive? I for one love older women. Always have, my first wife was 6 years older than me, my second(and final, honey) is almost 10 years older than me. Give me a woman with some character any day.

edited for puncuation. , !

[FreakinDJ]

12. Thats not all

63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes
--U.S. D.H.H.S., Bureau of the Census

85% of all children that exhibit behavioral disorders come from fatherless homes
--Center for Disease Control

80% of rapists motivated with displaced anger come from fatherless homes
--Criminal Justice and Behavior, Vol. 14, p. 403-26

71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes
--National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools

70% of juveniles in state operated institutions come from fatherless homes
--U.S. Dept. of Justice, Special Report Sept., 1988

85% of all youths sitting in prisons grew up in a fatherless home
--Fulton County Georgia jail populations & Texas Dept. of Corrections, 1992

[Lexingtonian]

15. The rate bubbles

In my Northeastern coastal state the rate run up to stratospheric levels in the Seventies and early Eighties, then declined throughout the Nineties to one of the lowest, if not the lowest, national rate. During the Seventies and Eighties we were taunted by Bible Belt conservatives as immoral, hippies, the result of atheism and free love et cetera smug chauvinism.

The Bible Belt states are in the ascent phase or at their peak at the moment. About a generation later. And all the crap shows up there that was going on in mine at the time- "fathers' rights" activists, abuse and rape accusations, stalker problems, the litigate-until-the-other-party-has-no-money-left divorce proceedings, the shame, the psychotherapy, the leaving of churches, divorcees falling into drinking and drugs and bad next relationships. The anti-feminism and embittered feminism of the very badly treated.

So the bubble period is where there's local cultural change in equality and expectations.

Don't believe everything you read in Personals. Everyone there knows they have to settle for who and what's actually in the market, and in order to bargain you have to mark up your assets and demands the standard 30%. Most people there are sadly used goods or damaged goods, by default. But that's not how to advertise.

Margaret Meade once said "Women marry good providers. Men marry...anything." Over age 30 or 35 the number of women in search of partners exceeds that of men, so the gender that gets to be picky level inverts from what it was at 20 and 25.

The best situation in these circumstances is...not to be in these circumstances.

[pitohui]

20. best post ever

fay weldon, is that you?

[pitohui]

18. sure happiness is possible

i'm happy, i might be a dweeb but i'm happy

if you don't have and you are advertising, it just makes sense to ask for the moon, it's a bargaining situation, sure you're going to have to settle, so start the bid high and you don't have to settle for an ugly drug-addicted stalker crazy, right?

divorce doubling in the last 50 years is a GOOD thing, when i was a kid, no one divorced in the south, and as a result people made each other's lives a living hell and said they were doing it for the children, hello, don't do me no favors!

[SoCalDem]

21. Money problems, mobility, and media

People used to stay where they were raised.

The Boomers were the first generation to head to college en masse, and we all know what happened in the 60's.. People started to "live for today". They saw their parents, often stuck in loveless marriages, but too scared to make a move..and they saw too that if they did split up, Mom would probably never be able to make it on her own..

When young people move away from their hometowns because of jobs or cheaper housing, it's easier to ssplit up because they are not where their parents and family are..The stigma is gone when you are living with people who don't know you..

Marriage is the most difficult thing two people will probably do in their whole life. It's hard work to keep a marriage going forever, because the people you are when you marry, are soon "gone", and the real people emerge..They change all the time, and as we age, not everyone goes at the same pace. marriage can be incredibly boring, if you married to get out of the house, or to gain financial security, or because you "had" to..

Marriage is not for everyone, and because the media shines a bright light on everything, it;s not hard to see "how other people live", and if your own does not measure up, more and more people bail out. Women today can often support themselves better, and just go for it. (Sometimes it does not work out)..

Money problems cause many divorces because way too many people fight over spent money.. Things get said, and all the hurt comes pouring out.. Once said, evil things can never be "taken back"..

We have been married 36 years, and early on we decided to never fight about money.. at the end of the day, you just end up hating each other for things said,and the money is still gone :)

I know lots of people who get divorced and end up marrying people LESS attractive than the ones they left behind, so I'm not buying the plastic surgery thing.. I think it's more about people taking ach other for granted, and then maybe finding someone who takes the time to make the other one feel good about themselves again.. It's the "newness" factor.. The old wife/husband knows all the stories, has acatalog of all the faults, and some people long for a person they can start over with..

the rub?

You always take your problems with you ...they stay be packed away for a while, but they always get unpacked eventually, and lots end up with "different"..not "better"