Fun sex tips from Rev. Moon!

[Dr.Phool]

Thay're not just for whack jobs any more!
(snip)
Recipe for love

There is, as Moon sees it, a profound sex crisis in America. "Satan," the Times publisher said in 2004, "is clinging to our sexual organs." Women are a "line of prostitutes," who should be punished for selfishness. "The concave organ should be sealed with concrete."

"The women are the problem in history," he said in 2004. "Women who don't want to have children should cut away their breasts, bottoms and love organ because the purpose for those was first for the children. If they don't fulfill that purpose, then they are not needed."

"Woman's sexual organ is like the open mouth of a snake filled with poison," he said in 1996. Men don't get off any easier. Keep pliers in your pocket, he says, "and when you go to the bathroom, once a day, pinch your love organ. Cut the skin a little bit as a warning."
(snip)

http://www.alternet.org/story/34072



:yoiks: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[DesertRat]

1. Yikes

:crazy:

[bunkerbuster1]

2. Filed under "Stuff I won't be reading in the Washington Times"

wow.

[warrens]

47. They should be forced to publish it every day on page one

Just in the interests of full disclosure, mind you. Not because it would make me wake up laughing every morning. Although that is a true statement as well.

[Ganja Ninja]

3. Eeeewwwwwww!

"After the act of love," read the instructions from the Rev. Moon's conservative Family Federation, "both spouses should wipe their sexual areas with the Holy Handkerchief. Hang the handkerchiefs to dry naturally and keep them eternally. They must be kept individually labeled and should never be laundered and mixed up."


:puke:

[jimshoes]

16. What does one do if it's

just a solo effort? Do they need to be made of cloth or will tissue do? I have so many questions.
:crazy:

[Ganja Ninja]

24. I don't understand the "never wash them" part?

Unless maybe you're suppose to burn them.:shrug:

[spuddonna]

52. Do you get the feeling that Moon owns a handkerchief factory somewhere?

That article is just... disturbing! :wtf:

[SpiralHawk]

4. "Pinch the male 'love organ' daily with a pair of pliers..."

What is it with these republicons?

They are all freakin perverts.

Everyone knows the Bush clan and Moon are in bed together, figuratively speaking (wink, wink, nudge, nudge).

May I suggest to any and all Freeper readers that you "get a grip" on your sexual peccadilloes.

And also "get a grip" on the MOON-Bush clan connection.

This really is quite beneath basic human dignity.

[MindPilot]

20. Channel-locks? Slip-joints? Needle-nose? Vice-Grips?

What kind of pliers? Does the brand make a difference? I don't want to mess up and piss off god!!

[cali]

5. OMG

That's one of the most disgusting things I've ever read. What a sick fuck.

[Dr.Phool]

14. It gets even worse-Same article.

Sock yer cock with a rock or hit yer dick with a stick. These people are really crazy!


(snip)
Not so fast. At some date prior to the lovemaking, Moon's "indemnity stick ceremony" is used to paddle Satan's spirit from your lover-to-be. The evil spirit is present, according to one church testimony, because "men and women misused each other's sexual parts, for selfish purposes, it gave birth to this resentment ... So we receive three hits of the stick."

According to the Family Federation website, Satan will not be purged until newlyweds carry out his "Three Day Ceremony" in specified sex positions, in Holy Gowns, in front of his photograph. You're to meet at a location that's "as holy a place as possible" -- one of Moon's churches is OK. You should have a number of items on hand, according to the instructions available online, including a Holy Handkerchief, a church-supplied cloth, and a photo of the Washington Times publisher and conservative benefactor with his wife, Hak Ja Moon. By now you have embraced them as your True Parents, maybe even replacing your biological mom and dad. Next the room must be sanctified to ward off any potential Satanic comeback, with prayers, a candle and the sprinkling of holy salt.

Over three nights, there must be three acts of sex. The first night, the woman is on top. The second night proceeds much the same as the first. But this time there is emphasis on the idea the man-on-bottom has progressed to "Growth Stage Adam."

Night three: time for the "man to restore dominion." Missionary positio

[ContraBass Black]

38. And let me guess: you can buy all of those sacred supplies

From "Rev." Moon.

[Nimrod2005]

44. No foreplay?

[Fridays Child]

6. I remember reading somewhere that couples are to keep a rag...

...handy for post-coitus genital clean-ups. This rag is never to be washed.... Puke-us Maximus

[notadmblnd]

19. never to be washed? what do you do with it once it's good and crusty?

leave them in a pile in the corner? stuff them in a drawer to stink up the place? burn them in a ceremonial ritual?

[Fridays Child]

23. I dunno. It reminds me of the Monty Python song, "Every Sperm is Sacred."

Moon probably subscribes to a similar view of sperm. I wonder if he also worries about the thousands of ova women lose during their lives.

[immoderate]

58. Sounds like parody to me, too. Landover Baptist, or Sister Taffy.

--IMM

[YOY]

41. At that point it might walk away on it's own! Glory be!

Even the creation of mould and bacteria is sacred don't you know!

[katty]

48. Moon is a total, pervfreak, super, super rich asshole cultist

[TallahasseeGrannie]

7. Mary Jesus and Joseph

that is one disturbed MF*er.

[jeff30997]

8. That moron is even crazier than I thought!

[phantom power]

9. I'd laugh harder, except Moon gets big funding from the Feds...

for his abstinence-only sed "ed" programs.

[NewJeffCT]

12. and, he funds a lot of RW causes as well

a lot of them... and, his Washington Times & UPI help spread the RW propaganda.

[NewJeffCT]

10. I think we need the Holy Hand Grenade for Rev. Moon

and, 3 be the number of the counting.

[sam sarrha]

11. not uncommon, it's the woman as a Hollow Shell belief, only to produce men

to serve gOD. not too uncommon.

[unblock]

13. then why call them "LOVE organs" if they're only for procreation?

:rofl:

[Sinti]

15. Oh My!! This would be funny, if he didn't have the ear of so many reps R&D

At the March 23 ceremony in the Dirksen Senate Office Building, Rep. Danny K. Davis (D-Ill.) wore white gloves and carried a pillow holding an ornate crown that was placed on Moon's head. The Korean-born businessman and religious leader then delivered a long speech saying he was "sent to Earth . . . to save the world's six billion people. . . . Emperors, kings and presidents . . . have declared to all Heaven and Earth that Reverend Sun Myung Moon is none other than humanity's Savior, Messiah, Returning Lord and True Parent."

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A61932-2004Jun22.html

Scary!! :scared:

[DRoseDARs]

17. That's not Satan, those are "crotch critters" aka crabs...

...might want to see a doctor rather that a priest. :shrug:

[MindPilot]

18. Get yer church outta my crotch!!!

There is something really really wrong with Moon, and even more wrong with his followers. At least the sex education I got from my Baptist/Catholic upbringing didn't have any complex procedures; the one and only rule was simple: DON'T!!

[ContraBass Black]

39. The sex education I got from my Methodist church was thorough.

Paraphrase:

"Respect the other gender. This is what's going to happen to your body. This is what your organs are for. None of this is anything to be ashamed of. It's natural and sacred. However, if you have sex before you're married, you'll regret it."

[TexasLawyer]

21. Moon has concave organ envy

His convex organ dried up and fell off a long time ago.

[meow2u3]

59. Moon's convex organ is so small....

he uses a strap-on dildo for a rubber! :evilgrin:

[lukasahero]

22. Yeah, that stuff just never stops being funny, huh?

:grr:

[On the Road]

25. I Hate the Thought That His Followers are Responsible for

most of the sushi I've ever consumed.

[IsIt1984Yet]

55. Really? What's the Moon/Sushi connection?

Color me ignorant. Going to Google...

[IsIt1984Yet]

56. Wow, I missed that.

Some find sushi, and Rev. Moon, hard to swallow
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/ericzorn/chi-0604130084apr13,1,2706541.column?coll=chi-news-col

Sushi and Rev. Moon
How Americans’ growing appetite for sushi is helping to support his controversial church
http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/specials/chi-0604sushi-1-story,0,3736876.story

[Warpy]

26. Impotent old religious farts always hate sex

ever notice that?

They especially hate women, but they always did. My guess is they project their own latent homosexuality onto women and then despise anything female because that's the part of themselves they despise.

In any case, anyone who spews hatred at the parts of the body used for the creation of new life is sick.

Shun him.

[chiffon]

27. "Woman's sexual organ is like the open mouth of a snake

filled with poison"


Oh blessed boa constricter rattling my python.


:P

[Freedom_Aflaim]

28. makes me wince

yikes. Keep that bastard away from me and mine

[MercutioATC]

29. I WONDERED what that was, clinging to my love organ...

Apparently, it's Satan.

...glad we got THAT straightened out...

[lonestarnot]

30. WTF?

:rofl:

[Mandate My Ass]

31. As of yesterday I've been a mom for 26 years....

and I can assure you it would come as big a surprise to my son as it does to me that my "bottom" contributed anything to his upbringing, except a couple of times when he got out of line and I told him to kiss it. :*

[Nimrod2005]

45. ROFL..I thought you were going to say you sat on him....

[geniph]

32. "Women...should cut away their breasts, bottoms, and love organ

because the purpose for those was first for the children"

Um. Bottoms? He wants me to sever my ass because I didn't procreate? How would I shit?!

:eyes:

WTF does the fundament have to do with procreation? Just because HE's a piece of shit doesn't mean that's true of actual humans.

[Jara sang]

33. That dude is obviously into bondage.

[Coexist]

34. this guy's just a barrel of laughs, eh?!

[sellitman]

35. The Moonies are HUGE * fans yanno?

And visa versa.

Not surprising if you ask me.

[jokerman93]

36. Fun with Moon?

Sounds more like "Feel the Trance" to me. Stepping back from the "perversion", which is just a red herring, this looks like a manual for conditioning slaves - i.e. associate sexual pleasure with constriction - wash, rinse, repeat - every step of the way. These practices are bizarre, but there's apparently already a percentage of the population that opens their minds to this garbage. I'd even bet the LeHaye cult is somewhat hooked into this kind of thing.

I remember the moonies back in college. That was the seventies. I actually used to go over to the off-campus moonie hive with this girl who was recruiting me. They had good free meals and, yeah, I was stringing her along cuz I wanted to do the hokey-pokey with her...

:evilgrin:

Anyway, looking back on how the movement has evolved since then, it almost seems as if Moon was experimenting and perfecting his group-mind control techniques back then while raising lots of cash (using free labor) for his current big career move: enabling global fascism and assuming considerable influence over control of the world's fresh water supply. --In bed with Bushco, who incidentally has aspirations of capturing the world's oil supply - country by country.

This stuff sounds like science fiction but it's all a matter of easily accessible public record!

The only logical reason a power-broker and demagogue like Moon would suggest this stuff is that in some way he sees it as furthering his grip on power.

J.
P.S. And sadly, the pretty moonette and I never did get to go to that gym dance together... :nopity:

[davidthegnome]

37. Shit

What a lunatic. I couldn't help but laugh my ass off as I read this shit. Having been celibate for two years, it's a wonder Satan isn't clinging to my testicles.

[Notoverit]

40. Wow! A Holly Handkerchief! Didn't I read of it in the Hitchhikers Guide

to the Galaxy? There was apparently this race of aliens who thoight they were created out of a big sneeze from their supreme being...They were terified of the Holly Hankerchief coming to whipe them all off. Now I am understanding the drama of it all!
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=364&topic_id=949398&mesg_id=950638

[Canuckistanian]

42. I wondered what that thing was on my sexual organ...

I was going to see a doctor about it.

Thanks, Rev. Moon!

[Rex]

43. Moon was crowned Messiah V2.0 in OUR Congress Dome.

Sounds like Moon has a teeny, tiny, itsy-bitsy, micropeni. JMNSHO.

[undergroundpanther]

63. He ain't no messiah

He's a sociopath.

[Nimrod2005]

46. Praise the good Lord...

[robinlynne]

49. so, how is his congregation doing these days?

[Iris]

50. so first a child, then sex?

I guess it's the same old questions "which came first, the chicken or the egg?"

[spanone]

51. Uh, no thanks reverend, huh, huh, he said organ...

If he's a reverend, I'm Einstein.

[rateyes]

53. Now, there is one

guy just like Pickles....fucking idiot. :rofl:

[jmowreader]

54. You rinse out the Holy Handkerchief

http://www.tparents.org/library/unification/topics/traditn/3-dayceremony.htm

This shit is truly strange.

[undeterred]

57. Wow. Almost makes Scientology look reasonable by contrast.

:shrug:

[BlueStorm]

60. No wonder the Bible says to beware of false prophets...

God has to be laughing his ass off...

""Woman's sexual organ is like the open mouth of a snake filled with poison," he said in 1996. Men don't get off any easier. Keep pliers in your pocket, he says, "and when you go to the bathroom, once a day, pinch your love organ. Cut the skin a little bit as a warning."


So my sexual organ is like a snake? Cool!!!!

[Deja Q]

61. The guy's a nutter.

Who believes him, and how come so many fall for his "multiple matrimony" schemes; which are otherwise the cheap stunt of so many radio djs?

[undergroundpanther]

62. Has Moon cut off his own "snake" yet?

'Cause if he hasen't I'd be more than happy to"liberate" him from it.
And fill his mouth full of venom up with quik dry cement.

Whatta Asshole. Sociopaths like him should've been aborted.

[Amonester]

64. So that's what having way too much money and not payin'

enough income taxes does to these nut$? Ab$olute in$anity...

Mental institutions R in need of a lot more staff with all these sick pukes...

[MisterP]

65. oh my Gor!

this is the guy our Congress Members (Harold Ford among them) crowned the Second Messiah and King of the Third and Fourth Jerusalem ('coz Jesus didn't cut it--he didn't have any children--so God the Father sent his SECOND Son)