Washington: Pentagon Janitor Calling For Rumsfeld's Resignation, Restroom-

[politicaholic]

Washington D.C. Little Nickle
April 17th, 2006
Washington D.C. - In a bold and unprecedented move, Cynthia Tillbiter, a long time Pentagon sanitation expert, joined generals in the armed forces by calling for Donald Rumsfeld's resignation today.

Mrs. Tillbiter, retired as of Friday, spoke on the phone with us from her home in Alexandria, Virginia. "I been a sanitation expert for 45 years, through lots of different Secretary of Defenses. I didn't think there would ever be a worse Secretary of Defense than Donald Rumsfeld in '75 until Donald Rumsfeld '00 showed up. He left a jerk who would pour a whole cup of coffee in the wastepaper basket and came back with a newly found prick-ocity."

She went into even more detail of his habits, "Sure, I can handle him telling me how to vacuum his office every damn night for the past six years like he's been a janitor before or something. I can even handle mopping up after he makes his aides eat the pages of unfavorable reports from Iraq until they puke, but this pressure for his resignation has made him Pope of the assholes."

Mrs. Tillbiter told of a particular incident when, "he goes to the bathroom, he locks the door and has the guys from his new personal spy agency standing there looking all intimidating just like he does everyday. The bathroom services the whole floor, but he spends an hour in there usually. Anyway, the other day, he must have locked himself in there for three hours. I was called in and the restroom was a complete disaster. Toilet paper and hand towels everywhere, urine on the stall doors, and writing on the walls in either scat or blood that say things like 'President Rumsfeld condemns you to death!' and 'Mommy will burn like the Middle East!'...wierd stuff I tell you."

"But on Friday night, when I found him hiding behind a plant in his office in full army fatigues, a painted face, and a wild look, I knew it was time that both of us retire..." the interview then ended abruptly with the sound of a smashing door, Mrs. Tillbiter screaming, and the phone going dead.

No comment was given from Sec. Rumsfeld's representatives.

[izzybeans]

1. That story sucks ya right in doesn't it.

Very funny stuff.

"Pope of the assholes" "writing on the walls in either scat or blood" :rofl: Excellent work!

You know it is funny because I had a similar run in with scatman Donnie himself.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=283x415

[politicaholic]

5. Excellent! I've bookmarked your thread. thx n/t

[izzybeans]

11. Thanks! Your spoof was classic Onion and then some.

:applause:

[Poll_Blind]

2. Disturbing. Funny. Beyond disturbingly funny- it has to be TRUE! n/t

PB

[BrklynLiberal]

3. VERY Dr. Strangelovian....

[cliss]

4. Too bad Ms. Tillbiter

didn't snag some of those HIGHLY CONFIDENTIAL papers about Iraq, Iran and the rest. We would have loved to see them.

Too late now.

[davidthegnome]

6. Either I'm confused or...

"Anyway, the other day, he must have locked himself in there for three hours. I was called in and the restroom was a complete disaster. Toilet paper and hand towels everywhere, urine on the stall doors, and writing on the walls in either scat or blood that say things like 'President Rumsfeld condemns you to death!' and 'Mommy will burn like the Middle East!'...wierd stuff I tell you."

She's saying Rumsfeld wrote these things? Interesting.

[politicaholic]

8. Its satire man...

There isn't a single true word in the whole article.

check out my journal if you like satire.

[etherealtruth]

7. Thanks, I needed this tonight

:applause: :rofl: :applause: :rofl: :applause:

[11 Bravo]

9. Classic!

Now, stand back and watch the number of people who start asking you for sources or links.

[libodem]

10. whata hoot

made my day:)

[Stinky The Clown]

12. BUT .... in other news, three former Janitors were on the radio talk shows

telling the REAL story of the alleged 'Ms' Tillbiter.

The former janitors, speaking only upon condition of having their voices distorted, claim that Ms Tillbiter is nothing more than a gay person planted specifically to discredit the Secretary.

[malaise]

13. Fall down funny

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: