Personal experience with rape?

[lukasahero]

Poll question: Personal experience with rape?

Please do not feel you need to expound upon the circumstances.

My suspicion is that the answers could bring awareness to the magnitude of the problem.

Some people here talk about this as some abstract concept. Others can't do that because it's not abstract to them.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

1. Male, former fiancee was raped.

It didn't happen while we were together, but it probably played the single most significant factor in us splitting up. Even after all the shitty things she did to me, I still feel horrible for her. Her life is hell because of that.

I'm anti-death penalty, but if we're going to have it, I'm fully in favor of making it an option for rapists. They deserve it and are most likely to do it again, whereas murderers are not.

[TechBear_Seattle]

2. Had to go with "some combination"

I have had several friends who were raped. I am also a rape survivor.

[Mabus]

42. Same here

I also just found out about a month ago that one of my sisters was raped by a "friend". She told me that the rape occurred right before her drinking binge that culminated in a life-changing event for her. She was out drinking one night and a new bartender came on duty. She and several others were kicked out of the bar because they were getting too intoxicated. She left and was walking down the sidewalk to another bar when another of the kicked-out but pissed off patrons took off across the parking lot. He hit her and threw her into on-coming traffic where she got hit by another car (going about 60 mph). She was left for dead on the road by both drivers. Even after the cops arrived they didn't call for an ambulance because they thought she was dead. She survived but her brain got pretty scrambled. Most of the time she's operating at the level of a ten year old. She's had surgery after surgery since then - first they had to put her face back together, most of her jaw and her teeth were gone. Then she her miscarriage from the rape. Lately they've been having to do a lot of work on her legs but it looks like she will be walking again.

The rape came up because she called me on the anniversary (yes, it was that traumatic) of my rape. In the middle of talking to her I started crying. She asked what was wrong and I told her. She opened up and told me about hers.

About her drinking, she hadn't put 2 and 2 together until we started talking. She said her therapist suggested it but it didn't really make sense until I told her how I had hit the bottle for a while after my rape. She's in therapy and has been since the accident. Until now she's only talked to her therapist and her twin.

[marions ghost]

3. when I was in college

the girls all called a good-looking English lit professor "the rapist." He would prey on the fresh crop every year. He had a Scarlet R on his back at that school, but he never was in danger of losing his job.

[havocmom]

4. Know several women who have been raped.

All of them were raped in their own homes by strangers. No way they were 'asking for it' as too many in our society still insist happens in rape. But, every one had an extremely difficult time dealing with someone in positions of authority in one agency or another. Five out of five... some clown(s) in police departments, hospitals and/or court systems made comments (some repeatedly) that the victims were somehow the ones responsible for their attacks.

Makes me think a lot of Americans are not that different from people in cultures where they insist women be kept veiled and sequestered.

I did meet one woman who was about to be raped outside by someone she knew. Her attacker backed down when he saw that my daughter and I were not going to stand for his treatment of the woman struggling to get out of his truck and away from him. (My thanks to Smith & Wesson for backup on that one)

edit - typo

[La Lioness Priyanka]

5. i was sexually abused by several different people in childhood.

i am sure i was an extremely sexy 7 year old :sarcasm:

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

6. Male. Former counselor. Dealt with many victims.

I was an Employee Assistance counselor. I dealt with many victims of rape usually as an adjunct to later problems. What was most difficult was trying to get them to deal with the obvious relationship between they're rape/abuse and the problems that they now had - alcoholism/addiction/anorexia/marital-relationship/etc.

As a "front line" counselor I would try to get them to a reputable psychologist or MSW. It's not something that can be dealt with in the short term. There are no quick fixes.

[Ohio Joe]

7. Male, known many women that have been raped

Several women i've dated, many that I am friends with. Almost all of them by family members.

[ContraBass Black]

17. Nearly half of my female friends have told me they have been.

And then there are the ones who haven't chosen to share that particular detail with me...

[GreenPartyVoter]

8. Sexually assaulted, had a friend who was sexually assaulted

[marions ghost]

9. kick

[woo me with science]

10. delete

[Mandate My Ass]

12. Drugs kicked in huh?

Wow, dude.. :eyes:

[woo me with science]

25. pardon me? nt

[seabeyond]

11. wow, look at how many more have been raped by family opposed

to stranger. this is an interesting poll.

[lukasahero]

39. This is probably why

you met with such resistence in that other thread. Many women and men are aware that these numbers play out in the community at large.

On some level, I understand that you were trying to suggest that women should do everything they can to minimize their risk. But these numbers suggest that the only way a woman could ever be truly without risk is to not be born a woman. Do we minimize our risk by not trusting our fathers, our husbands, our neighbors, our friends? Even a burqa can't protect against that.

[seabeyond]

69. no

it wasnt resistance, it was attack, and it was ugly and it was mean. and that is fine too, but call it what it was. damning me to hell? that is pretty tough. there was a lot of dishonesty in the attack too. i personally feel that dishonesty doesnt serve us well. again, circumstances, experience is all a part of it. if...... anyone would listen to me long enough to know i am not an evil horrible person, i am on theri side always, that would be a huge step, and not for me, but for those that are so desperate in protecting the dont blame, and deserved rape bullshit

family rape is hideous in and of itself. there are many factors in family rape, trust, security, an environment that is suppose to be safe, and youth..... how confusing and hard that is. one of the worst things about it is the child that "blames" themselves. and generally it is a dark hidden secret they keep that shames them. they say out loud they arent to blame, yet..... they hold it close in shame. and then someone like i am willing to "own" and all htey hear is their blame.

and in this it still allows pain, even decades later.

this is why i think what i am suggesting is so important. i never blamed. and .... i never felt the pain of rape, because i didnt own the rape at all. and the part that may of contributed to the rape, i acknowledge and ok'ed it with me, as it was, it happened. but the rape i had no part of

anyway, i guess on this i will have to disagree with the many? there are a lot more things i feel about rape that i cant dare say out loud because it will make women mad, because of their own expereince. so though i was raped, ...... i am not allowed. that isnt right either. i promise, to be able to talk all this out, from all different perspective not only would there be healing, but a lot of resolving. we just are not allowed, on this board anyway

[VelmaD]

90. you said it...

the only way not to be at risk is not to be born a woman :(

[TechBear_Seattle]

93. You may note that even men are not without risk

Being a man is no guarantee that you won't be raped.

[lukasahero]

94. Look at the results of this one poll

and compare the situations again for me please.

[TechBear_Seattle]

97. I am looking at it

As of this posting, I see that five people have responded that they are men who have been raped by a family member or an aquaintance. I see that three people have responded that they are men who have been raped by strangers. I am a man and a rape survivor; I responded with "Some combination" because I also have friends who have been raped. And there is no guarantee that all of the "family/friends who have been" respondants were talking about a female family member or friend.

The matter is not who is more likely to be victimized by a sexual assault. The matter is your assertion "that the only way a woman could ever be truly without risk is to not be born a woman." Being born a man may make it less likely to be sexually assaulted, but it by no means makes you "truly without risk."

[Nicole]

47. I doubt if it's all family members

The poll is worded "aquaintence/family member".

Acquaintance rape & family member rape, while both are horrible, are two very different things.

[salin]

71. I read the option to be acquataince or family

two different groups of types of incidents are mingled in that option. I had to select that one, but I am not a victim of incest. But I also was not raped by a stranger.

[seabeyond]

73. thanks for pointing that out the two of you. yes that does make a

difference and something i did not connect to. i appreciate it

[DemExpat]

13. I had to fight off with full force a date rape

when I was 19.

So I voted "other" in the poll.

DemEx

[Mojorabbit]

26. I picked the first as aquaintance was an option

and it was on a date. I thought it was my fault. That I must have done something. Funny thing is I would have slept with the guy if he had asked me.

[Catherine Vincent]

14. There may be some who has but blocked it out.

[Lisa0825]

16. or don't *define* it that way.

To be honest, I still wonder about my own situation. My first time was definitely in a situation of fear and strong coersion, and I did say no several times, but I never physically tried to stop the guy, and he was a huge high school football player, on his way to play for a college team, so I was very intimidated. I still have a hard time considering it rape, since I don't feel like I tried hard enough to stop him, and I am sure, considering the statistics on date rape, that many women out there have similar doubts.

[noonwitch]

27. It was rape, but if you don't see yourself as a victim, don't start now

If you said no, and he overpowered you, it was rape. Maybe it wasn't as traumatic at the time as being grabbed off the street and raped by a stranger, or maybe you weren't physically injured, but it still was rape.

I do think that it is pyschologically healthy for you to not see yourself as a rape victim.

I was sexually abused a couple of times by family members as a kid, and had a couple of close calls as a young adult. I think that the close calls would not have occurred if I had not been drinking a lot on those nights. But it's really hard once you've been encouraged to think of yourself as a victim to change the attitude. For me, it's really taken spiritual development for me to change my attitude.

[femmedem]

67. "No" was all you need to say for it to be rape.

I think one of the difficulties women have in pressing charges is that we mistakenly believe most women physically struggle. But sometimes it's clear from the get-go that the man is much more powerful. Other times we're so panic-stricken that we freeze. ("Fight or flight" should really be known as "Fight, flight or freeze.") I read a few years ago--sorry, can't remember where, but it was a scientific study--that which way we react is genetic, not under our control, nothing to be ashamed of.

[Lisa0825]

75. I've been told that by others as well.

But I am being honest about the way I feel about it. I haven't completely solidified the way I perceive it, and it happened over 20 years ago. Sure, anyone can tell me it's rape, but that doesn't remove the ambiguity for me. It's a conclusion I'll have to come to terms with for myself. Even thinking of it as rape is somehting that never occurred to me until recently, when someone else shared her story, so my comprehension of it is still evolving.

[femmedem]

82. I apologize if I wasn't respecting your history or your experience.

You're right, if a person isn't entitled to their own interpretation of their own experience, what are they entitled to?

[Lisa0825]

88. No apologies necessary!

I was just explaining my thoughts on it a bit more. :pals:

[Samurai_Writer]

15. I've been raped

The first time when I was 12, by a 19 year old neighbor. It happened in a friend's bathroom. I was a virgin at the time, and didn't even know what had really happened at first. I was too ashamed to tell anyone at the time.

The second time was a gang rape by three strangers when I was 19. I was taking the trash to the dumpster after my shift at work. I was beaten and raped, and left for dead inside the dumpster. I was married at the time, and became pregnant at about the same time the rape occurred. I went through the entire pregnancy not knowing if it was my husband's child or the rapists'.

The third time was last year, when I was 44, by a date. It happened in my house. My back was severely injured in the attack. He then started stalking me, telling me how I was 'his property' and he would come over anytime he wanted to 'have' me like the first time. I had to move 2000 miles away to get away from him.

I've known several women who have been raped as well.

[renate]

22. I don't know what to say...

... I can't leave a post like yours unanswered, but there just aren't words to express how I feel after reading it.

All the stories posted here so far are incredibly sad and infuriating, but yours and lionnesspriyanka's have affected me particularly, I guess because in her case and in your first rape, you were children. I'm sure others will post after this who were raped as children, too. It's so horrible on every single level.... Again, of course it's not possible to say some rapes are more or less horrible than others--is one nuclear bomb more or less horrible than another?--but when we hear about it happening to children, it's like a body blow to the heart.

I'm so sorry for what you and for what all women who have endured this betrayal and violation have had to experience, both during the attack and while going on with life afterwards.

[geniph]

55. RadFem...

That's ghastly. My own experiences, while traumatic enough to me personally, are not even remotely that horrible. I remember the attack on you last year and your back trouble. I wish I could say something more profound.

:grouphug:

:cry:

[Samurai_Writer]

61. *hugs* geniph

I remember you commenting in the thread about my rape last year, and I appreciate all your support!

:hug:

[wicket]

59. I'm so sorry you had to go through that

Thank-you for sharing sister :hug:

[Marie26]

18. Should there be an option for attempted rape?

Many women are sexually assaulted, even if the assailant doesn't actually rape her.

[mmonk]

24. Probably.

[lukasahero]

36. There should probably be another poll for it

I only had 10 options... I'm sure it would be equally eye-opening.

[TahitiNut]

19. The chances are almost zero (far less than 8%) that you know nobody ...

... who's been raped. It's a virtual certainty that someone of your (close) acquaintance has been raped ... and you're merely not aware of it.

[Theres-a]

21. Yes

People don't talk about it.

[TahitiNut]

51. Not when they don't feel 'safe' with the person they'd discuss it with.

Each of us can be a 'safe place' for others - an emotionally supportive, loving, and respectful 'heart' with whom others can find encouragement and trust. Each of us can ... but often aren't, or don't know how. It'd be nice if more would.

Funny. That "8%" has become "20%" - wow. :wow:

[geniph]

57. I talk about it

I refuse to be ashamed of it. Those who say any person who is raped must bear some responsibility for it are not taking into account those of us raped in our own homes, our own beds, by family members, or those raped in "safe" places like workplaces, schools, etc. I did nothing wrong. Neither do others who are assaulted. Women get raped in societies where they're wearing burkhas and not allowed out of the house without an escort. There is nowhere "safe" and no way to totally protect ourselves so long as some people feel they are entitled to harm others.

[ThomCat]

20. I volunteered for a group called the Anti-Rape Task Force

for years back in college. We did everything from safety escorts to help people get to their cars and off-campus apartments, to talks in classes, to sponsoring public events and programs. I have met and been friends with Hundreds of women and a few men who have been raped and/or sexually abused.

When people in my dorms found out about the volunteer work I was doing within weeks people would be seeking me privately for quite talks to find out what we were doing. Many of those people would share horror stories with me.

I did not know of anyone in high school who had been raped, abused or sexually assaulted but I found out later from a number of people.

Anyone who thinks they don't know anyone who has been raped or sexually assaulted simply hasn't been told.

[sojourner]

23. before I reply -- what is the intent behind selection "some combination"

-- a woman who HAS been raped, AND knows at least one (actually many more than just one) woman who was raped.

I didn't report. Rapist was family member. Many of my acquaintances who were raped also did not report. Shame and fear both huge deterents to reporting. (And I can just hear people saying...yeah, that's why we don't believe the ones who DO report it... to which I reply :puke: ) I'd ask them, if a woman has to be humiliated once during this horrific assault, and then is exposed to public humiliation AND villification once she reports it -- with her motives and her honor both put under the microscope by the rapist's defense team and nowadays also by the American public, why in the world WOULD she report it?

Those who participate in the victimization of rape victims are RAPIST enablers. :mad:

Anyway...how to vote?

[lukasahero]

31. That was the intent

I realized that without it, I was setting up an either/or situation which didn't seem realistic. Just wanted to have the option on the table.

As others have mentioned here, perhaps a poll on attempted rape or sexual assault would be even more revealing, but I only had so many spaces for the poll options.

I'm sorry for your experience. I did not report either and will not speak of it. As far as I am concerned that is our personal choice.

[bloom]

34. Those who participate in the victimization of...victims are RAPIST enabler

s...

I agree. :grr:

[femmedem]

84. I reported. It was awful.

When I think back on my rapist, I don't feel anything except sadness. He altered my life--more than he'll ever realize--but I believe that his life was a deeper hell than anything I'll ever know. I would bet anything he was sexually abused as a child.

But those cops. And that bail hearing judge. And the defense attorney. When I think about them, I still get angry, 25 years later.

And yet, I would still report, even knowing how it turned out. I can certainly understand and respect anyone's choice about this--there's no wrong answer here--but I wanted to try and prevent him from raping again.

[bullwinkle428]

28. My ex-gf went through the experience when she was 8 - it clearly

still affects her, and ultimately played a big part in what eventually led to our break-up. She's undergone treatment for depression, starting years before we met, and still continues to do so. I looked at some information about sexual assault survivors some time shortly after we split, and it was scary how many of the typically observed symptoms were things I saw in her over the time we were together.

[TygrBright]

29. With all due consideration...

...I have to say that I truly believe the reasonable penalty for aggravated rape (1st offense) or ANY rape after the first offense is to cut it off.

Yes, I know that rape is a crime of violence and power, not a crime of sex, but people who commit crimes of violence and/or power with guns have their guns taken away from them. Take away the weapon. Anyone who can't use it properly and appropriately deserves to lose it, they can do too damn' much damage with it.

I would certainly support a nuanced application of the penalty, and I know it wouldn't solve all serial rape issues, as many offenders sodomize or penetrate with other objects. Nor would it prevent predatory female rapists from exploiting vulnerable men or other women. Perhaps saltpeter or some similar treatment might be appropriate there.

But take away the weapon. Definitely.

adamantly,
Bright

[geniph]

58. I agree with the basic idea, Bright

but it doesn't do a thing about the rapist who uses an implement, or their hands. I do agree with the idea of castration, simply because (besides being appropriately punitive) it at least reduces the excessive production of testosterone.

But we'd better be damned sure of guilt before we snip. Chemical castration used to be used for rapists and child molestors, but too many people got all bleeding-heart about the "cruelty" of such treatments.

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

30. Seeing these percentage numbers. I don't even know what to say.

I guess they speak for themselves.

[lukasahero]

35. I sort of expected that when I posted it.

I think sometimes seeing the numbers laid out like this can kick you in the gut. What is it, like 44% of women responding to this poll have been raped. 83% of respondents know someone who has been raped. That hurts my heart.

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

45. What is so infuriating also is how the human filth that commit these

acts fell they'll get away with it because the women will remain silent any number of reasons. This makes it easier for them to do what they do.

[lukasahero]

49. Do they feel they will get away with it because

women remain silent or do women remain silent because they get away with it?

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

53. In my opinion (any of the sisters here w/ some experince can correct me):

The agressor feels it will be easier for him (men in this case) to get away with it because the victims will remain silent as has been the case time and time again. Especially children since these people feel the have power over them and have scared them or shamed them into silence. That's my 2 cents. This is what I've gotten from some females that have shared their personal incidents with me.

It seems to me there is athe element of excerting power over the victim and this may give the rapist, molester, etc. a sense of security. After all they are big bad ass men (again I know it's not only men) and they can get away with it. Sometimes it works and thankfully sometimes it doesn't.

Some of these people are mentally ill some are just rotten muthafuckas.

[lukasahero]

54. As one of the "sisters w/some experience"

who has already said in this thread that she remained silent, I ask you to consider the other side of the situation. Perhaps men do feel they can get away with when we don't come forward. And perhaps we don't come forward because we feel they will get away with it anyway.

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

64. That's pretty much what I tried to convey.

If that wasn't clear in my writingi t's probably because I'm keeping an eye out for my boss as I type. That's my opinion and I really don't know more on this topic than anybody else here.

[LostinVA]

100. And... I wasn't raped, but almost was

Date rape thwarted. I fought like a banshee and a guy on my hall heard and kicked in the door and stopped it. That should count, too.

I'm still squirrelly in certain situations.

(Of course, in the early 80's, date rape didn't "exist," so nothing happened to the guy... except my friend beat the crap out of him. For the record, I'm gay, wasn't dating this guy... he was just a guy I thought I knew ell)

[lukasahero]

103. Others have suggested polls

on attempted assaults, sexual assaults. I think it would be a good idea (but I'm tired and just trying to regroup at the moment.)

As for "I fought like a banshee" LiVA, somehow that comes as no surprise to me. :hug: and

:yourock:

[LostinVA]

107. *blush*

Thanks, lukeashero... I think you're kinda cool, too...

[never cry wolf]

32. Is penetration necessary for rape?

My best friend was abused as a child by her dad over 3 or 4 years but it was oral. She was told that all good little girls do that for their daddys. There was no penetration but the trauma was severe.

If he were alive and within my grasp, he wouldn't be for long, and I'm a pacifist and against the death penalty.

:mad: :grr: :nuke:

[lukasahero]

41. Not according to www.dictionary.com

rape:
"The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual intercourse."

That poor little girl.

[never cry wolf]

44. Thanks, #6 duly voted

She's not a little girl anymore. A 50 y.o. mom with 2 daughters but she still carried the scars from 4 decades ago. Her dad was also an alcoholic, her 1st marriage was to a druggie physical abuser, her 2nd, which she is still in, is to an alcoholic mental abuser. She has trouble sleeping and has had trouble with depression. She is also convinced that her dad's spirit haunts her, not in a scary way but just to let her know he's still around...

[femmedem]

85. "Submitting to sex acts" is an ambiguous phrase.

I think legally it would be rape, especially because it was statuatory as well.

BTW--thank you for starting this thread. I was thinking yesterday that I wished I had the technical ability to set up this very poll on DU.

[uppityperson]

33. female, first choice (exboyfriend)

realize that the first choice is family or acquaintance.

[intheflow]

37. I've been sexually assaulted on a number of occasions.

All were involving strangers, oddly enough. Don't know if any of my girlfriends have been raped, we've never talked about it.

But I remember one girl at the summer camp I went to in high school who was raped so bad by the tennis instructor she had severe vaginal bleeding. And I just had a pastoral care session with a young woman (22 years old) who was so scared by her best friend's rape when they were in 7th grade that she hasn't been able to enter an intimate relationship ever.

[DaveJ]

38. Damn that's a lot, 46%...

I know a lot has been said pertaining to the penalty, but I think more has to be done with prevention. I heard over half, maybe it was like 80%, of sex offenders on parole in our area have false addresses in the sex offender registry. I think sex offenders should be in the registry for life, and obviously we need to make sure they are all correctly registered.

[laundry_queen]

40. Date raped.

Although for years I didn't think that's what it was, even though I felt violated. Until I saw a show on tv, where the exact same thing happened to a girl and they did this whole show on date rape. I told dh incredulously, "that's exactly what X did to me." and dh said, "then you were raped".

I blamed myself. I drank too much that night. I didn't push him away hard enough or say no forcefully enough, or enough times. This was someone I'd known for years and years. There had been another incident with him before but not on this scale. We were both really young at that first time (13 and 14). I foolishly thought he cared for me, or I wouldn't have followed him to his basement. Sometimes I kick myself still, to this day, for being so dumb. Even though I know it wasn't my fault.

Later a boyfriend I had asked me about it (he was his friend, sort of and had 'heard') and said he was curious, because it was not the first girl this guy had 'taken advantage' of.
This guy is married now. I feel for his wife.

Edited for typo. That'll teach me for not previewing.

[Zynx]

43. There is a distant relative of mine who was raped and carried the child

to term because she was a staunch Catholic.

[choicevoice]

46. My daughter and a friend of hers were abducted at knife point and raped

I will never forget that 2:00 a.m. telephone call from the hospital. A man in a ski mask was hiding in the back seat of their car. He held a knife to my daughters throat and forced her friend to drive to a remote area or he would cut my daughters throat. He would take turns raping one while he told her that he would kill the other one if she didn't do what he said. As horrible as this was they both still had to endure the judgmental people at the hospital and then the ineptitude of the local police who I might add didn't believe them because they were coming out of a club when they were abducted. It is ironic that I worked for the City Prosecutor and knew and worked with all of these police officers daily. The fact that the girls were coming out of a club somehow made the rape SUSPECT.

If I can give two piece of advice one would be to always check the back seat before getting into your car and the other would be to have very frank conversations with your daughters when they are growing up about rape. My daughter grew up knowing that if you are raped you are the "victim" and it is in no way your fault, that it is an act of violence and not really about sex and never to think that you are lessened by it or should be in any way ashamed.

I was lucky that she lived through this ordeal. I am blessed that she took our talks to heart and KNEW that she was the victim.

[faithnotgreed]

52. a powerful & sad story choicevoice - thank you for sharing it

i know it cant be easy to talk about but it is important

[geniph]

60. I am thankful your daughter survived

what a ghastly experience - for you too. I can't imagine being the parent and having to deal with my own impotence in being able to seek justice.

[marions ghost]

70. they were so lucky...

the poll doesn't really cover those rapes where the victim was abducted and killed. In my experience on college campuses I have known of 5 young women students who were abducted, raped and killed. Didn't know 4, but one was a student of mine.

[Nicole]

48. How sad

that out of 167 votes, only 20 of us have not been raped & don't know anyone who has been. :cry:

[SmokingJacket]

50. I'm definitely in the minority, here.

Never been raped -- not even close.

Don't even know anyone who has -- or at least who's confided in me.

However, a neighbor I didn't know was kidnapped and raped repeatedly last year. And the crazy thing was, the story VANISHED from the paper. It seemed to me to be a huge story for our small city -- really scary and big, but it was almost like it was totally hushed up... weird...

[Ilsa]

56. I've been raped by a stranger AND date raped. The stranger rape

was far worse for me.

One of my friends went on a date with a cowboy here and he drove her out into the country and told her to put out or he would leave her there with the rattlesnakes.

What really scares the hell out of me for my girlfriends' daughters is that 40%+ of college men said they'd rape if they believed they could get away with it. How fucking sick is that?

[Chovexani]

62. I was molested at 14

By a much older man I met online. And like many other survivors, I went on to be raped again. That was at age 16 by another older acquaintance.

[riderinthestorm]

63. I was a rape crisis counselor for 4 years in college

I'm a woman and I did that for some volunteer work during school....

I manned phones, went as a companion to hospitals, police stations, therapists, abortion doctors, babysat - you name it, I would do it.

I toyed with the idea of getting into that kind of work after I graduated (running a shelter) but it is so stressful.

No, I haven't been raped personally but even now, 20 years after getting out of doing that kind of volunteer work, I keep in touch with a few of the children I worked with - there isn't a single area of their life that hasn't been affected.

So I voted "other" - these are friends I made because they were raped.

[fishnfla]

65. Other: My college roommate was falsely accused of rape

Despite true eyewitness statements and physical eveidence I gave to investigators proving the sex was consensual, the charges nearly stuck and almost ruined his life. The investigation was drawn out beyond what we both knew to be the truth, because of his ethnicity in a small midwestern whitebread city. He and I later both had to leave the school.

Later on, I knew of a man accused by his soon-to-be ex-wife of sexually assaulting his child during a bitter custody/divorce battle .

I must be in the abstract, because these options were not offered. Perhaps they never happen

[sojourner]

79. I'm sure they do...and I'm sorry that they do. Doesn't change the pain for

those who WERE violated. Actually makes it worse, unfortunately. Any kind of false charges should be treated with more severity than currently done.

[lukasahero]

86. Feel free to start your own poll

I'm sorry for what you and your friend went through.

[OPERATIONMINDCRIME]

66. I Know Someone Who Was, But Also Why No Option For Fraudulent Charges?

I know someone that had that done to them too. It would be interesting to see how many DU'ers know people who had fraudulent rape charges cast against them as well, but there's no way I'd post a poll on it exclusively as that would put the concept in the forefront far too much when it is only a fraction of overall rape accusations. Woulda liked to have seen it in this poll though just for curiosities sake.

[fishnfla]

80. ask harper lee

eom

[lukasahero]

87. Because that wasn't what I wanted to discover in this poll

Please feel free to start your own.

[windy252]

68. I don't know what to call mine

Mine isn't quite as traumatic as some others. I remember being told by my then-girlfriend at the age of 6 to pull my pants down and she would do this weird humping thing behind me. I was really uncomfortable with it but was told that it was something all boyfriends and girlfriends did. I broke up her with after she did it a second time.

[windy252]

77. I forgot to add male,

in case that was unclear.

[Arkham House]

72. I was abused when I was seven...

...by some older boys in the neighborhood...this only came back to me the past few years--I'm 52 now--but when I did realize it, suddenly my whole life made sense. What had been some shadows in my childhood became clear and real...I knew why, immediately after that, I became a butterball kid, and remained that way until my 40s--I wanted to become so unattractive that no one would ever want to do it to me again...it screwed me on lots of different levels, most of which, as I say, I didn't even realize until very recently...it badly messed my whole life up, in terms of relationships and even being able to cope with day-to-day skills...I never was able to discuss it with my family, especially my parents, and now they're gone, so I never can now... I'm sorry, didn't mean to sound this bitter, but I *am* bitter, and finally having a competent therapist, for the first time in my life, is only helping a little...thanks for putting up with this rant...

[flvegan]

74. Male. Present during attempted rape. Sent him to the hospital.

I wasn't THERE, I was downstairs at a party. My friend (female) that rode with me there, had an attempted rape encounter upstairs. Long story, short, there was a confrontation. He admitted it and tried to defend it. I made sure he swung first. The police took me, an ambulance took him.

This short, and at the time fat freshman had to be physically removed from that senior from the football team. It hurt physically, but hurt more after the bruises went away, considering that he lost his spot on the team and earned the reputation as a sexual predator and one that could get his ass kicked by someone in the av club.

I don't believe in violence now. However I have a couple female friends that have been victims. The anger I feel at the very thought...I hope I'm never in that situation again.

But then, maybe for her sake, I wish I was there every damn time.

[Lisa0825]

76. You're a good friend to have!

Violence is not a good thing, but sometimes it serves it's purpose well.

[Moosepoop]

104. I wish someone at least LIKE you was there every time.

Your post made me grin. I'm so glad you were there for her.

Question: You said the police took you away... Did you get charged with anything for defending this young lady? :shrug:

I surely hope not.

[lukasahero]

105. :hug:

Thank you.

[Ksec]

78. Yes, I do have experience

I actually stopped a rape from occurring by barging into a room where one was beginning to take place.

It was by an adult member of my "family" against a young girl of about 17. The man was in his early fifties. He didnt like the vengeance and violence I brought down upon him that night. She did.

[Left Is Write]

81. Yes. Age 17. Someone I dated.

[REP]

83. I Was 4. Not a Relative.

Attempted rape/kidnaping at 21, but I managed to jump out of a speeding car. Attacker was a paroled rapist; no charges in my attack; later successfully raped a 12 year old.

[_ed_]

89. No personal experience with friends or family, but

when I was an Army officer a few years ago, I had a terrible experience with rape. When you are an Army Lieutenant, twice a month you have all-night duty to keep an eye on your battalion while all the other officers go home. You maintain security, check on the soldiers in the barracks, etc. It's usually boredom.

One time, a private came running into our battalion HQ, found me, and said, "Sir, you need to come with me right now."

Evidently, four other soldiers in this kid's unit had gang-raped a young woman. I was the only person of authority on the scene for about 30 minutes until we got the MPs, counselors, civilian authorities, etc., on the case. I didn't know what to do or say to the young woman. It was horrible. It still haunts me.

I later had the pleasure of watching the four "soldiers" go to Leavenworth. It's hard to believe humans can treat other humans so cruelly.

[lukasahero]

96. Thank you for sharing this story

The situation of female soldiers in Iraq has many of us here concerned. I'm glad to know there are Lieutenants like you out there. (Or were... couldn't tell if you were still in or not.)

[_ed_]

102. Thanks,

but I'm gladly out of the Army now. Also, the woman was not a female soldier - she was a civilian brought back to the barracks by a soldier. Come to think of it, this must have occurred before 9-11... civilians of any kind are no longer allowed in the barracks (at least while I was still in).

[Name removed]

91. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Taxloss]

92. Other. Male, not raped, know no-one who has been, but

I was abused in a sexual manner when very young. Age about 10 or 11.

[IronLionZion]

95. What the hell? I had no idea rape/sexual assault was so prevalent.

I'm male and don't know anyone who has been raped...or maybe I'm just not aware if they had. It's not a topic that comes up in conversations.

Sorry to hear that it has happened to so many here. I can't even imagine what you went through.

[TechBear_Seattle]

98. Some 20% of all American women will be raped in their lifetimes

That is the statistic I was hearing in the mid 1990s. In addition, some 3% of all men in America will be raped or otherwise sexually assaulted in their lifetimes.

Yes, the problem really is that prevailent.


(Edited for spelling and correcting the statistic on male sexual assault victims.)

[LostinVA]

101. You do know people who have been raped

And you definitely know lots of people who have been sexually assaulted.

[Moosepoop]

99. Kidnapped and raped at knifepoint.

Just turned 18, only a few weeks from high school graduation. Saw my best friend's brother-in-law hitching for a ride, picked him up since I knew him and considered him a friend. He pulled a knife, produced a bunch of twine from his backpack, and tied my wrist to his so I couldn't jump from the moving car. Had me drive all over back roads until finally directing me to drive onto a rough path into some woods. He hog-tied and gagged me, put me in the car trunk and shut it. Laid out a sleeping bag a short distance into the woods, came back for me. Cut my clothes off of me with the knife. Raped me repeatedly, vaginally and orally. Made me masturbate in front of him. This part is hard to explain... he left me hog-tied to two trees. Drove off in my (parents') car. I'm pretty sure that I was supposed to die there, what with the noose around my neck that tightened, along with the twine around my wrists and ankles, with any fiddling with the ropes. There would have been nothing to link him to my disappearance, even if/when my body were found. Nobody saw me pick him up, and the car could have been disposed of.
I managed to get out of the ropes, and found my way out of the woods and to a house. I will be forever grateful to the lady who answered the door. Once the manhunt for the guy got underway, he heard about it and knew that I was found, and talking. So he turned himself in, confessed to it all, and pled not guilty by reason of insanity.

Even though his confession matched my story, and the only legal question at the trial was not whether he did it, but whether he was responsible for his actions, there were still attempts to discredit the story itself. That's the job of the defense, to help the client, and in rape cases sometimes that's the way it's done, even when discrediting the victim or the facts of the story are not necessary!

The attitudes of some people were unreal. Even though the coverage in the local press included the fact that the defendant had turned himself in and confessed, the first reaction by many people to me was "What were you wearing?" AS IF THAT MATTERED!!!!!! Or, "Were you a virgin?" AS IF THAT MATTERED!!!!!!! Or "Did he fuck you in the ass?" AS IF THE PEOPLE WHO ASKED THAT DIDN'T NEED TO BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE!!

Sorry for the yelling, it still pisses me off, and it was 26 years ago.

Six years ago, my house was broken into and my oldest daughter, then 17, was attacked in her bed in the middle of the night by a supposed "friend" of the family. He had a knife, he had binding material, he tried to tie her to her headboard. She fought and screamed, literally kicked his ass, and he ran from the house with her in hot pursuit. He got away, but of course was in police custody shortly thereafter.

My attacker's insanity plea didn't work out too well for him -- he got 40-60 years for rape, 30-50 for kidnapping, and 3-5 for car theft. He's got about five more years before he's eligible for parole. My daughter's attacker pled "no contest" to his charges, and got 10-20 years.

It took a long time to recover from that experience, but I'm fine now and my life is wonderful.
A good deal of my healing came from being believed by my family from the get-go, even before my rapist confessed. Another large advantage was being treated wonderfully by the police, the hospital, the prosecutor, and the court system. And especially the vindication that came with the rapist's conviction and incarceration.
I can only imagine what it must be like to NOT be believed by those you love, to be treated as the suspect or to be blamed for your assault by the authorities and/or the court system. I can only imagine what it's like to not tell at all, I think that carrying it around in my head unvented would have destroyed me. I was "lucky" enough to have such clear-cut circumstances surrounding my case that the rapist had no defense at all except for "the devil made me do it." Even so, the experience itself was beyond horrible, and took a great deal of time to move beyond. It's a sad, sad state of affairs when I have to recognize that it was the sheer extremeness of my rape's circumstances that makes me one of "the lucky ones," and that needs to change.

[lukasahero]

106. I am both humbed by the courage

and horrified by the experiences of the people who have posted here. I would not even answer the poll until someone else had lest anyone identify my answer. And yet there are so many here who so bravely stand up to those who would continue to brutalize them and say "No, you cannot have me again."

I had a sense of what the answers to this poll would be before I posted it. The facts are out there: 20% of women will have been raped in their lifetime. But I wanted people to see this is not some abstract number. These are real people, women AND men, who have been affected by the violence of rape. When we talk about it, as progressives, shouldn't the idea of caring for our sisters and brothers be somewhere in our consciousness? Shouldn't the idea that our *friends* here in the DU community deserve some sensitivity and respect? Or do we continue to argue about semantics and shout over the pleas of understanding?

My heart aches for each and every REAL human being who has had the courage to speak of that which I will not. I can only wish you peace.

[Kailassa]

110. Women all have courage, Even those of us who have not

found our courage yet.

What you are doing, getting people to come together in a place where we are free to talk about it, gives us a chance to both support each other and educate others who don't know about the situation.

I've told some of my stories in other threads, right now all I want to do is send caring to those others here who have been abused too.

And kudos for handling the trolls without getting sucked in.

[Raine]

108. First one, an acquaintance and also

know that my aunt was raped by her BIL. I was raped when I was doing catalog modeling by the photographer I worked with back in 1982. I never told anyone in-fact this is the first time I have ever made it public. I found out a few years ago that my aunt who died when I was a little girl had been raped by her husband's brother. :cry:

[Lars39]

109. ~~~

:hug:

[Nobody]

111. Two friends

One of whom was raped twice on the same day by two different guys in two different encounters.

There is something wrong with our society that this felony is so prevalent. I bet the number of people who know murder or attempted murder victims is not as high.

If it were in my power to do this, I would punish all rapists by making them relive the rape each day for the rest of their lives from the point of view of the victim.