McClellan's Email to the Next Press Secretary....

[Jade Fox]

by Bob Cesca

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/bob-cesca/exclusive-mcclellans-e_b_19393.html


If you're reading this, I've officially resigned from the White House Press Office -- Guckertland -- and you've been appointed to take over by The Great & Powerful Decider Who Hears Voices. Knowing that you're walking into a propeller, I thought I'd be a pip and help to ease your pain with some advice.


1) Helen Thomas. She appears shorter on TV, but she's actually a 12-foot-tall colossus with triceps of steel. She will crush your junk between her forefinger and thumb if you don't call on her at least three times a week. Trust me and my urologist on this one.

2) Remember these words: "I'm not going to comment on an on-going investigation." Someone asks you about Scooter's indictment? I'm not going to comment on an on-going investigation. Someone asks about Tom DeLay? I'm not going to comment on an on-going investigation. If someone finds out about The Decider's Vicodin habit and asks you about it? I'm not going to comment on an on-going investigation. If someone tells you that a bee just flew up your pants, you respond: I'm not going to comment on an on-going investigation.

-snip-

4) If David Gregory goes all bitchypants on you, cry. Don't sob or wail -- and definitely no hyperventilating. Subtlety is the key. A red face and a little extra wetness in the eyes is just enough to get Rush to defend you for at least 10 days. If you have trouble crying on cue, just think about something tragic. I like to imagine there's no donuts.

[windy252]

1. ...

:rofl:

[greekspeak]

2. Shouldn't Scotty tell his sucessor about adult undergarments

For all the times he pisses himself before Helen Thomas?

[Donkeykick]

3. :-)

1) Helen Thomas. She appears shorter on TV, but she's actually a 12-foot-tall colossus with triceps of steel. She will crush your junk between her forefinger and thumb if you don't call on her at least three times a week. Trust me and my urologist on this one.

Yep! You don't mess with Helen!!:headbang:

[grannylib]

4. ROTFLMAO....this is hilarious!!

Poor little Scotty...I almost feel sorry for the lying bastard.
Almost.

[uppityperson]

5. more from them:

If someone tells you that a bee just flew up your pants, you respond: I'm not going to comment on an on-going investigation.

3) Les Kinsolving is only faking. He's actually quite lucid.

(clip)

5) Outrage of the day. Brainstorm an outraged reaction each morning over donuts -- or whatever it is you eat for second breakfast. Then repeat that outraged reaction all day. Here's a few good ones to get you started:

-"I'm insulted you would even suggest that!"
-"You owe the president an apology!"
-"The media are whores!"
-"I can't believe you crushed my junk again, Helen!"
-"I hate you and I hate your ass face!"

[Brundle_Fly]

6. McClellan had 2 years ands nine months...

to make a connection and acquaintance of the press pool, his successor will have no such luck.

He will be walking into a daily barrage of press out for blood, and the more he stalls or lies or claims to not know, the press will turn on him.

Bush's walk in the park just left the white house today.

[Jade Fox]

9. I can't imagine who they will get to replace McClellan.....

Talk about a thankless task.

[AuntiBush]

7. Hysterical!

Gotta remember that line :thumbsup: when a nosy neighbor ask me something, like if the Termite guy found any... I'll just respond:

"I'm not going to comment on an on-going investigation." Since they're Bush-bots, I'll tell 'um I learned it from Snotty.

[Mr_Spock]

8. HAHAHA!!!

very funny