Okay guys, do you want your prospective bride to be a virgin?

[Ilsa]

I really want to know. Or would you rather she have a little bit of experience? (Or more than a little bit of experience?)

Do you want to have sex with her before you marry her, especially to make sure you are both reasonably compatible?

[ET Awful]

1. Honestly, I'm fairly indifferent.

I'd rather completely connect with someone on an emotional, intellectual and spiritual level . . . in my experience, if you're compatible in those ways, everything else just comes naturally.

[Ilsa]

29. Hopefully.

I will say that sometimes sex can be uncomfortable if the bodies are not compatible.

[Karenina]

45. The only thing worse

than discovering you're ALLERGIC to someone with whom you're involved would be marrying him before you knew...

[Bonobo]

2. no

[JHB]

3. Doesn't matter if she's a virgin, just as long as she's...

not virginal. The state of mind makes all the difference!

:evilgrin:

[TahitiNut]

4. What if she wants him to be a virgin??

:eyes:

[Ilsa]

25. Fine with me. I just want to know what alot of men think about this issue.

[TahitiNut]

37. I know. It's a goose/gander thing, imho. When I was a young man ...

... in the 60's and embarking upon my first marriage, I had all the ordinary insecurities that such creatures have but are rarely willing to discuss or admit. Men, the archetypal competitors, don't really seem universally comfortable with the specter of being subject to comparison in their intimacies. I kinda think it's projection to some significant degree. My first wife was a nurse and quite familiar with male anatomy - far more familiar than I was with the female anatomy for damned sure. As one might suspect from the fact that I still even make the comparison, I can easily recall my insecurities. I now fully comprehend the immature idiocy of such concerns. I do believe, however, that such insecurities are a huge part of the stereotypical focus on 'virgins.' It's sad. That such concerns would intrude on the development and commitment to the most trusting and loving voluntary relationship we can have is truly indicative of the shallow understanding we often have of love.

[Ready4Change]

5. I got married later in life.

I was no longer a virgin. Seems unreasonable to expect her to be one as well.

[Sammy Pepys]

6. Technically....

...my wife was not a virgin when we got married, but I was her first anyway.

[bryant69]

7. Hmmmmmmm

I don't know that it matters - the physical act of sex I mean - if she had done that in the past or not. I am religious, and I do hope to marry someone of my faith (assuming I ever marry at all), but my faith stresses repentence.

Well let me back up - if she had sex because she was married to some one else - there's nothing to repent of, per se, and If I loved her I wouldn't spend a lot of time worrying about what happened before. If she had sex outside of marriage, and she repented, than it's not my place to judge or dwell on that (rather it would be a sin on my part to lord it over her).

Let me note, just so there is no confusion, that these rules apply to me as a male in equal measures. If I had or have sex outside of marriage I would need to repent just as equally.

But as far as the experience angle (I want to be her first for ego reasons), I don't really get that. I guess if I was really insecure it would be nice to be the only man she ever had sex with, because then she would have nothing to compare me too. Actually, now that I mention it, I am pretty insecure . . . no I'm sticking with my original answer.

Bryant
Check it out --> http://politicalcomment.blogspot.com

[Lerkfish]

8. I fell in love with my wife as a person, not her sexual history, therefore

to me it made no difference either way.
My first wife was 12 yrs older than I and had been married before so virginity was never an issue. After I was widowed, I was lucky enough to find a second fantastic woman, and we were both in our 30's, so again, virginity was not an issue.
:shrug:

I don't have much respect for guys that make it an issue, especially if they themselves are already "deflowered".
It was a good thing my first wife had more experience than I did...I learned some things. :)

[CrazyOrangeCat]

9. I don't care.

At this stage, I'd like to find someone who's relatively sane.

Sanity. And good hygiene.

[BOSSHOG]

10. It wouldn't matter to me

If she had sex before we met that's her business. My wife and I had sex (with each other) before we were married; a rather clumsy pair at the start. But our sex life was very dynamic and exciting and often in the early years. 30+ years later we've slowed down somewhat.

A prospective spouses virginity (or not) would not be a criteria for my wanting to marry her. I was 19 years old and wackily in love with my girlfriend. 30+ years later she's still my girlfriend.

[seabeyond]

11. i dont want my boys(and applies to them too) to marry cause they

are horny. and that certainly means having sex before marrying. and i dont think it is a sin, so i dont have a moral dilemma. just be responsible, use a condom.

[Carni]

12. You mean there IS such a person in this day and age?

I guess I am showing my growing up in the 70's stripes!

[VelmaD]

13. I'm still living in the 21st century, right?

Why the fuck does this even matter any more? And why doesn't ANYONE EVER ask that question in terms of women wanting their prospective husband to be a virgin? :eyes:

[The Stranger]

15. Agreed. Somehow we ended up in a time warp.

Stop the world, I want to get off.

[The2ndWheel]

19. What kind of loser guy is still...

I'm kidding.

Because we still live in a male hierarchical structure?

[Ilsa]

26. Good questions.

It doesn't matter to me either way. I didn't have any expectations along these lines of my boyfriends or my husband, and we didn't ask one another.

[dysfunctional press]

14. absolutely NOT.

virgins are a total pain, and usually have some serious hang-ups in regard to sex.

experience counts!

[Catherine Vincent]

16. No sex threads. :)

Per Skinner.

[Ilsa]

27. This really isn't a sex thread, is it? It's about another issue on the

periphery of sex.

[liberalpress]

43. Never had sex on the periphery...

Is it uncomfortable?

[Protagoras]

17. If She wasn't I'd demand my 9 cows back!

seriously, the word itself is so curiously skewed in its use (always has been). Some of the "virgins" I grew up with in Utah were also some of the most sexualy active I ever dated. And that was 20+ years ago...in Utah. It wasn't something Clinton invented.

I'm guessing our grandfathers (and grandmothers god forbid) could say the same. Human sexuality (esp in that exploratory phase) is nothing new, even if there were hokey myths created around one specific act.

[TransitJohn]

23. Growin up in SW Wyoming

I can attest to that. It's true what they say about those LDS gals.

[Protagoras]

24. Lets be fair though...it's the pure little boys who are all participating

along with those pure little gals. Or with other little boys, etc. And I doubt we need to narrow it down to any one religion. The country is full of small town, conservative places where kids are immitating bunnies.

[Nimrod2005]

38. True about Utah and LDS girls

I spent few years there during college, the best sex I have ever had...They were all virgins, but the sex was awesome!!!

[bluerum]

18. This is an ignorant question. The only reason I am responding to it

is because of the deep sense of offense I feel at a question like this being posted here.

Why is this ANY of your's or anyone else's business?

[johnnie]

21. It's just a question

Why is it any of your business that the OP wants to ask it?

[mondo joe]

28. Why are you offended? No one is forcing you to reveal something

personal, and others are free to share or not as they choose.

[Ilsa]

30. Okay, I'll go stick my head in the sand.

It's a matter of curiousity about preferences. It wasn't meant to offend. Apparently alot of peole aren't.

[MercutioATC]

34. It's a social/anthropological issue, it's not about sex, per se.

I don't understand the objection.

[Vidar]

42. Only if she comes with a 100,000 mile warranty.

[mondo joe]

20. N/A since I'm gay. But I would never advocate to my 2 daughters that

they marry as virgins or marry a virgin.

I don't think it's a particularly good idea, though if they opted for it I'd respect their choice.

[mdmc]

22. i'd take a virgin...

i would wait until marriage...

[Squeech]

31. No

I think it'd be the height of folly to marry someone I hadn't already demonstrated compatibility with, in bed as well as out.

Married twice, both times I'd lived with my wife for five years before making an "honest woman" of her. (My fundie sister thinks I'm a sinner.)

On edit: maybe your question was, "is virginity in the abstract a desirable property in a bride?" And my answer to that is, never in a million years! I don't even see where it's desirable in the heavenly reward for a jihadist :evilgrin:

[Kailassa]

32. I've known 2 girls to marry virgins, only to have the girls distressed

later, gradually losing their self confidence, as they found they could not interest their husbands in sex at all. Later they both divorced, after finding out that their husbands were actually gay.

I didn't know the men well enough to know why they married girls, but I'd conjecture that their Christian backgrounds, combined with society's prejudices made it just too difficult for them to analyze their own feelings and realize they were gay until they had landed themselves in the position of having a girl expecting sex with them.

I have old fashioned ideas about marriage; I believe it is a very strong commitment to stay together for life. Not an unbreakable commitment, and it's no-one's business why anyone else divorces, all I'm talking about is the original intention. I also attach a lot of importance to sex, and think it's sad, sometimes tragic even, if people cannot be with someone they are sexually compatible with. I would advise anyone getting married to live together as though they were married first for 12 months, being very careful with birth control, to see if they could really be happy together for the long haul.

[Lochloosa]

33. I am so glad my wife speaks French. At least a few words of it.

}(

[Tari]

35. I am a woman; here's my $.02: It's not about the "purity", but rather,

that a man who wants/needs a virgin does not want to be compared to another man & be considered inadequate by the woman.

[MercutioATC]

36. In the abstract, I'd actually prefer a partner with some experience.

For a couple of reasons:

1) Sexual compatibility is a good thing in a relationship (with the usual caveats). It is possible for two people to be sexually incompatible. That's something I'd like to know before I got married.

2) As a grossly general statement, people with some sexual experience tend to be more comfortable with sex. Sex, in by estimation, is supposed to be an enjoyable thing. Being comfortable with it is usually a prerequisite to it being enjoyable.

[Akoto]

39. I want my prospective bride to be funny, laid-back, intellectual ...

Nope, I can't say that virginity has ever entered into my criteria. Then again, I am an evil librul heathen. :)

[madokie]

40. Hell no. but how would we know or they for that matter if we were

passing ourselves off as a virgin.

[catmandu57]

41. Virgins are overrated

I'll take a wfw anytime.

[Kailassa]

44. deleted cos I decided my joke was n bad taste. n/t

[taught_me_patience]

46. Previous experience is a must...

I'd never make it to marriage if I didn't have sex with someone. In fact, I probably wouldn't make it past the 10th date.

[ithacan]

47. no way!!

This whole obsession with virginity is about possession and purity.

it's a total power trip thing where the guy "owns" the woman and "his" woman has to be new, not used. It's bullshit.

[Karenina]

48. How is it that inexperience

on the part of a female is deemed "pure" where a male's orientation is questioned for that same inexperience? :shrug:

[frustrated_lefty]

49. Well, it's like with cars.....

Every guy has fantasized about motoring down the strip in a never before owned Ferrari, head held high with pride. In his fantasy, he waves to his Mom, pointing, “look Ma! I done good!” The fact of the matter is, the insurance alone on a Ferrari will kill you. You’re better off putting one of those babies in a showcase, maybe carry a picture of it around in your wallet. Of course, if you can afford the price to handle a Ferrari, chances are you’ll probably be an ass and treat it like shit.

Most guys would be thrilled to drive around in a well maintained classic, say, a ’67 chevy hardtop with one or two previous owners, but, realistically, the maintenance is just too demanding.

When you get down to it, men are usually content settling on a Ford or a Toyota with a few dings here and there and 50 or 60 thousand miles on it. They would, of course, really, really, REALLY prefer that it hadn’t been involved in any major accidents. Those are increasingly difficult to find these days, though.

Every guy, at least once in his life, should say ‘hell with it’ and go screeching off into the night on a Harley. Just be prepared for the inevitable scars when you have to lay her down.


-fl









(and, if you don't see a glimmer of tongue in cheek humor in this, then all I can say to you is: ptththhhhhpppppttttttttt :P )

[porphyrian]

50. I've never had sex with a virgin.

Some guys swear by it. Personally, the best sex I've had is with the women who had been around a bit more.

[aikoaiko]

51. Fvck no!

get it -- its a pun. ;-)

[nonconformist]

52. I've asked my husband before if he would have preferred if I were a virgin

Or that at least, he had been my only sexual partner. We had both had previous sexual experience with other people when we met, and had sex with each other before marriage. His answer? "hell no!" :) Both of us are happy that we had previous experience. There's no mystery, no real curiosity - we know what else is out there, and we prefer each other. When our sons grow up and marry, I wouldn't expect their new wives to be virgins either. If they are, that's cool... if they're not, that's cool too.

[Spirochete]

53. Of course not

I'd be marrying someone close to my age, and a virgin at that age would be too scary!