your feedback before I submit my first pro-labor ltte

[w8liftinglady]

...in the reddest anti-union area of Texas.I have fact-checked it with the AFL/CIO website.Does it sound effective,or too wordy?(p.s>-I do have it in paragraph form..just not showing up here)




President Obama's State of the Union speech covered many of America's issues..It was open and straightforward,reflecting concerns voiced by the majority of Americans.The most important area to middle-class America is jobs and shrinking incomes.The President laid out many ways we can encourage job and wage growth.I want to focus on one segment of America-the young adults age 21-31,and how the declining job market has affected them,as well as legislation which may benefit them.
Only 31 percent say they make enough money to cover their bills and put some money aside—22 percentage points fewer than in 1999—while 24 percent make less than they need just to pay their monthly bills.Consequently,seven in 10 do not have enough saved to cover two months of living expenses. They are also just as likely to live with parents as to live on their own.
Nearly two in five young workers have had to delay further education or professional development due to financial worries.One in five say they are over-qualified for their current jobs and 22 percent are working outside their chosen field.Workers younger than 35 are significantly less likely to be covered by health insurance or have retirement plans at their jobs, and are more likely to be unemployed. Today, 31 percent of young workers report being uninsured and 45 percent report having no sick leave or family leave.
One of the ways to help these young Americans is the passage of The Employee Free Choice Act(H.R.1409,S.560)This act,supported by a bipartisan coalition in Congress, would enable working people to bargain for better benefits, wages and working conditions by restoring workers’ freedom to choose for themselves whether to join a union.It would: remove current obstacles to employees who want collective bargaining,guarantee that workers who can choose collective bargaining are able to achieve a contract. and allow employees to form unions by signing cards authorizing union representation.This law is about restoring to working people the freedom to improve their lives through collective bargaining. More than half of people who don’t have a union say they would join one tomorrow if given the chance.People who have unions earn 28 percent more than people without unions and are much more likely to have health care and pensions.
It should come as no surprise that both sets of my grandparents were union members.Union representation enabled my grandparents,immigrants with barely high school educations, to buy homes and send their children to college,as well as receive the health care and retirement benefits that they earned.With the increased standard of living will come many benefits-increases in sales tax and local real estate,to name a few.This is a win-win situation for all concerned.If anyone would like to learn more about this current legislation,please refer to this website:
http://www.aflcio.org/joinaunion/voiceatwork/efca/whatis.cfm and contact your representatives.

[Orrex]

1. Too wordy. And what's the word-limit for the paper where you're submitting it?

Lots of papers set the limit at 300 words, and by a quick count I have your LTTE at about 480.

Good first draft, though--lots of solid info.

[w8liftinglady]

2. i was afraid of that...i get carried away..- new version

President Obama's State of the Union speech covered many of America's issues..It was open and straightforward,reflecting concerns voiced by the majority of Americans.The most important area to middle-class America is jobs and shrinking incomes.The President laid out many ways we can encourage job and wage growth.I want to focus on one segment of America-the young adults age 21-31,and how the declining job market has affected them,as well as legislation which may benefit them.
Only 31 percent say they make enough money to cover their bills and put some money aside while 24 percent make less than they need just to pay their monthly bills.Consequently,seven in 10 do not have enough saved to cover two months of living expenses. They are also just as likely to live with parents as to live on their own.Nearly two in five young workers have had to delay further education due to financial worries.One in five say they are over-qualified for their current jobs and 22 percent are working outside their chosen field.Workers younger than 35 are significantly less likely to be covered by health insurance or have retirement plans at their jobs, and are more likely to be unemployed.
One of the ways to help these young Americans is the passage of The Employee Free Choice Act(H.R.1409,S.560)This act,supported by a bipartisan coalition in Congress, would enable working people to bargain for better benefits, wages and working conditions by restoring workers’ freedom to choose for themselves whether to join a union.It would: remove current obstacles to employees who want collective bargaining,guarantee that workers who can choose collective bargaining are able to achieve a contract. and allow employees to form unions by signing cards authorizing union representation.This law is about restoring to working people the freedom to improve their lives through collective bargaining. More than half of people who don’t have a union say they would join one tomorrow if given the chance.
Higher wages and job security benefit the community in many ways-increased sales tax and real estate sales being two of them.Get the facts on The ECFA,and contact your representatives if you support this legislation.

[DKRC]

3. This one is better

tighter and to the point. :thumbsup:

Just my 2 cents.

[Orrex]

4. I agree with DKRC--this one is better

Still might be too long, though. Check with your paper to confirm the word-limit before submitting!

[Omaha Steve]

5. A thumb up on the revision

Thanks for sharing. Post a link when it gets printed.

[w8liftinglady]

6. I preceded it with 2 "feel-good" letters,so hopefully the editor will print in full

thanks,everybody :)