I know it's good Friday, but...........

[Uben]

...... a good buddy of mine found out today he has cancer, and the doc gave him about three months to live. Man, that's tough! He has been waiting on the pathology report for a few days, and got the news today. Some good friday, huh?

I'm no stranger to cancer. My dad died of it, my granddad died of it, and my wife is a five year survivor of breast cancer. I lost my best friend 5 yrs ago to cancer (he and my wife were diagnosed the same week and he passed away in about 30 days).

Still, I find myself at a loss for words when talking to him. He's 77 yrs old, so he's not a youngun, but I'm certain he wants to see 78. He lost his wife about 5yrs ago and moved to Texas where they had planned to move when she got sick. HE only has a couple of friends here, me and a lady friend that lives across the street. His son, whom I met last Saturday, only lives about 40 miles away. I have been doing things for him for about a year because I like the guy, and he is pretty much helpless when it comes to anything mechanical. I retired 8 yrs ago at age 45, mainly because I could do so financially due to a large inheritance.

I'm still not sure what I should say to my friend to make him feel better. The doctor said the kind of chemo he would require would kill him, so he told him to just live out his life the best he could. I've seen what chemo did to my dad, It aint pretty!
I'll be taking the guy fishing and we'll probably go to the casino and play some Hold Em together in the coming weeks, as long as he is healthy enough to do so. I know about hospice and how to get him hooked up to them when the time comes, and I have told his son I am here for any of their needs.

I moved to a retirement community about 13 yrs ago. We have a lake, a golf course and other amenities. Most folks here are older than I am, most at least 15-20 yrs older, so I have lost a lot of good friends over the years. It just kinda goes with the territory, I guess, but I like being around the older folks. They appreciate friendships, they're polite and caring, and I guess it makes me feel good to help them whenever I can. But damn, it's hard when they pass, but I feel priviledged to have made their acquantance.

I am comfortable talking about death, but I know my friend is not....afterall, it is his life and not mine, and this kinda took him by surprise. I've suspected for some time he had cancer due to blood loss he told me about. We didn't talk much about it because I could tell he was a little uncomfortable about it.

Anyway, thanks for listening to my story. It doesn't really require a response. I was just grieving a bit and had to talk about it. I know a lot of you have troubles of your own. Thanks


Uben

[Suich]

1. I'm sorry about your friend, Uben.

I don't know that there is anything you can say to make him feel better but being a good listener never hurts. He just might decide to talk, after all.

Go fishing and to the casino...enjoy your time with him. I bet it's a great comfort to him that he has a good friend like you!

:hug:

[flamingyouth]

2. Hi Uben.

I'm so sorry to hear about your friend's diagnosis. No matter your age, hearing this type of news is shocking. I'm sure your friendship will be a great comfort to him in the coming months. Sometimes a person with cancer can have his or her life consumed by becoming a patient and a connection to normalcy can be helpful.

I'm thinking about you and your friend, Uben. Take care. :pals:

[Longhorn]

3. My grandmother found out that she likely had cancer

when she was 84. She wouldn't even let them do a biopsy because she knew she didn't want to go through the treatment if it was cancer. She died at home under hospice care about six months later on her 85th birthday, with my mother and I each holding a hand. Her health didn't really decline until about the last month and the hospice people were able to keep her pain under control. There are worse ways to go. Of course, there's a big difference when you're ready to go, as she was.

I will say that hospice care offers much more than managing the physical symptoms. They can also help a patient achieve mental peace. For that reason, you might want to get in touch with them now rather than later. They also helped my mother, her brothers, and the rest of her caregivers.

You're a wonderful friend and I know just spending time with your friend helps him immensely. The world is a better place because of people like you. :hug:

[Uben]

4. Thank you

I totslly agree about hospice. My mother-in-law went much like your grandmother did, and she was about the same age, although she had baen in assisted living for several years due to Alzheimer's. She passed peacefully with all her kids there. We all had the opportunity to say our goodbyes, although she did not appear conscious at the time.

I personally know a lady who was a hospice nurse for twenty years. There are no better people on this earth! God bless them for doing what they do.

I do try to make the world a better placed for kids, too. My wife and I are involved in helping the kids in our community in many ways. I have been involved in getting kids fishing for years. We have held KidFish events for the past seven years, raising the money and putting on three per year. We also hold an event annually for mentally challenged kids. We raised $17,000 to build a fish pond that is handicap accessible for challenged kids. Some of these kids are in wheelchairs and so challenged they can barely hold a fishing pole, but the smile on their face tells the whole story! There is a group of about 15-20 kids we have out each year.

We have put on at least 4 or 5 dances for kids 15 and under, again raising the funds to purchase special lighting, fog machines, and equipment. We put on two carnivals each year as fundraisers, one on the 4th of July, and another around Halloween. We have volunteers man booths filled with games for the kids to play and win prizes. We raise about 4-5 thousand dollars a year doing this!

We do it because we can. My youngest child is now 15 and the oldest just graduated with her MBA last year, so we have more time these days, and I can't think of a better thing to do with it.

My reward? Friends. Lots of em! That and knowing I made my mark by helping others. We have been fortunate enough to have a life of priviledge handed to us, and it's my way of thanking the good lord for my good fortune.

[Auntie Bush]

5. Thank you from so many people you have helped over the years.

You are truly one of Gods angels! :grouphug:

[Uben]

6. Just paying my dues

The real angel is my father-in-law. When he died, he left us enough money to retire comfortably on, and after my wife got cancer, we decided to spend the rest of the time we have left here on earth together and helping others, and also being a good steward of the money he left us.

Last night, around 9 pm, the phone rang, and it was my friend that is the subject of this post. He and his son had just arrived home, and upon entering, they found the floors were flooded! Well, neither of them are very mechanically inclined, so they called me to come help get the water turned off. Somehow, a squirrel had gotten into the house and chewed holes in the plastic tubing that feeds the ice-maker on the fridge! Water everywhere! I got the water turned off, but the darn squirrel was still sitting behind the fridge. So I made a quick trip home to retrieve my snake catcher (a device I made back in high-school some 35 yrs ago). With that and a large fishing net, we were able to catch the squirrel and get him out of the house.

I just got back from his home this morning, after getting a plumber and a water extraction professional over to start cleaning up the mess and getting the leak fixed. Poor fellow, when it rains, it pours.

After receiving the cancer news last Monday and now this, he is understandably in a fog. He'll be better in a couple of days when things are back to normal and he has time to come to terms with his mortality. I assume most who read here have been down that road or have dealt with a loved one that has.

We find solace in helping those who have the unfortunate task of dealing with cancer. We have been there, experienced the fear and uncertainty, and can help answer those questions that everyone so desperately need answered. Or, just to lend an ear or give a hug to a friend. We just thank God we have the opportunity to do it!

[JohnnyLib2]

7. I'm glad you are there for him.

Your story makes me want to be a better friend when needed. And, if my turn comes with such a diagnosis, it would be great to have an Uben around. Blessings to you both.

[pecwae]

8. What a good and kind person you are.

You're doing exactly the right things for your friend. There may come a point when he wants to talk about death and your willingness to discuss it will be such a comfort for him.

Your post brought tears to my eyes for the compassion you are showing.

Many :hug: to you.