Hi Everyone, I just found out my aunt has secondary liver cancer.

[Avalux]

She is 50 y/o; diagnosed with breast cancer 2 years ago. Underwent a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation and had no signs of metastases. She was doing great and feeling good until suddenly becoming severely ill w/nausea, fatigue and jaundice. The tumor is blocking her bile duct and is inoperable. :(

She will undergo surgery for stent placement to open the bile duct and relieve her symptoms. She is being given marinol for her nausea/anorexia and will probably undergo chemo for the tumor.

I know the prognosis is poor; there is no hope she will survive much past a few months; I am trying to come to terms with it but every time I think about it I burst into tears (as I'm doing now writing this).

I have received all of this information from my mother - haven't called my aunt yet because I don't know what I will say and I'm worried I'll cry on the phone and I don't want to do that to her. I guess if anyone here can give me advice on what to say, it would be greatly appreciated. I am experiencing guilt because I haven't exactly stayed in close contact through the years since I moved away, of course that doesn't mean I love her any less. I just don't want to upset her; want to have a positive conversation in spite of the circumstances.

Thanks in advance for your help. I have been a member of DU for a very long time and have never ventured into this forum. I've been reading the posts for a couple of hours before posting this and want to say I admire your honesty and bravery.

:grouphug:

[emilyg]

1. I am so sorry.

You'll call her when you're more composed. Let her guide the conversation.

[Avalux]

2. Thank you. I called her today.

We talked about stuff we did when we were younger (she is 7 years older than me) and her new grandson. It was a good call. :hug:

[Tab]

3. I'm so sorry to hear about that

My aunt just passed away a few days ago from lung cancer (self-inflicted, unfortunately).

I don't think it matters what you want to talk about as long as you maintain contact. I'm not working now while I'm sick and I have times when I just want to talk to someone. I don't give a damn if it's about the weather or whatever, but I just need contact. You said you just called her - that's great. Call her, even every day if you are up to it. You'll treasure the memories, and she'll appreciate having someone to talk to. When you have cancer you don't need to have "cancer conversations" - if anything, you want to reimmerse yourself in reality. Talking about your kids, boyfriend, girlfriend, what you made for dinner - whatever - it's all welcome.

- t

[noiretextatique]

4. i think the important thing is to stay in touch with her

don't worry about what to say. i am sure whatever you will say will be fine. i'm so sorry :hug: