What if you think that you're close to Asperger's?

[hedgehog]

I took the quizzes and I was within a few points on all of them. My son is very similar to me in temperment; I'm wondering about him now.

On edit: I know I have trouble making eye contact, but I did score very high on being able to intepret what the eye photos meant. I'd have to say I've spent a life time in intensive study of people in order to fit in. It's exhausting.

[mzteris]

1. I was trying to explain the other day

I have to WORK at 'reading people'. If I'm tired or sick or just plain damn don't care - I don't do it well at all. And then - well - I get reamed for being 'insensitive'.


My son SEEMS "very social" - and he is sometimes. In certain situations. He can even be charismatic to some extent. When he's "on". When he's not - he's clueless. He's better with adults and little kids than with his same age range, though.


I think it's called a spectrum for a reason. lol

[hedgehog]

2. Spectrum makes a lot of sense.

I suspect the prevalence is a lot more common than anyone realizes; it's just that a lot of us are adept at passing as normal. Within the family, we do fine. It's interacting with others that causes the problems. I don't know how accurate the quizzes are, but the history and description of development seem familar. It's nice to have a name.

[eridani]

5. And the further away you are from the far end of the spectrum--

--the easier it is to "pass." I can easily read grossly obvious social signals, like hosts standing at the door stifling yawns and shifting from foot to foot, but I have a lot of trouble with the subtle stuff.

Me: "Why don't we ask A and B to work together on X?"
Neurotypical: "You're kidding, right? They've been sniping at each other all evening."
Me: Total bafflement.

[hunter]

3. Well, then you are probably close.

I score way down in the pit of despair, but the freakish thing is that growing up in my family such weirdness was normal, and only became a real problem if you could hardly talk or interact normally ever. Otherwise you were free to stare at the ants on the trees and not interact with people if you wanted to. My dad's family tree is littered with people who lived alone and never got married, or were only married a very short time, who lived mostly in their own worlds. But their were also doctors and engineers and other people in the family who could support the misfits, so that's how this crappy genetics works.

My wife is only recently understanding that some of the outlandish tales I've told about my various relatives are true.

I get where I am with a lot of scars. High school and junior high school were hell for me, I was asked to leave college twice before I graduated because of my bizarre behavior, and I really didn't have the least clue what the world was about until my early twenties. I thought everybody was living by the same elaborate rules that I'd painfully worked out by observation, and I didn't have any idea people were simply following their own nature.

[hedgehog]

4. I feel almost presumptuous associating myself with people with Asperger's

If I have it, I am way up one end of the spectrum so I can pass for normal with most people. Looking back on some encounters, it would explain a lot if I do in fact have the traits. Various people must have identified something and made my life hell over the years. Now that i can come up with something about me that triggered their behavior, it's easier to let go of it. I think there is something about Asperger's that attracts bullies of all sorts.

[idgiehkt]

7. me too

as far as the 'something' that other people identify. I think maybe it's a game, where there is a 'reward' to be had, and everyone is competing, but aspies are not as skilled, so we only get about halfway through the game whereas others go all the way to the end. Like we just don't have the skills to complete it. Also, I think our sense of justice and fairness is a bit different, or maybe it's that we actually have one, and this is some kind of resonance that mercenary or mildy (or not so) sociopathic people pick up on.

What I'm thinking, in regards to the statement you made about certain others 'making your life hell' is a quote that I can't attribute right now; I don't remember the source, but it's where a man says something like, "A man has a dog, and he looks down at that dog looking up at him, and he kicks that dog. Why? Because he knows that dog is better than him. Every time he looks at that dog it reminds him that that dog is better and he can't stand it, so he kicks it."

I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the same thing happens with aspies and bullies. Sorry if people think I'm saying that aspies are 'angels' or something, but I'm about at the point where I don't care, because I've paid hell for my aspie traits my entire life and I'm about ready to give us credit for the good things about us.

[idgiehkt]

6. this is deep

"I thought everybody was living by the same elaborate rules that I'd painfully worked out by observation, and I didn't have any idea people were simply following their own nature."

You mean there are not 'rules'? Wow. Their own nature? I don't know what that means, I'll have to meditate on it.

[lumberjack_jeff]

8. Brilliantly said

I hope I can help my son work out some of these norms and conventions with fewer scars than you've earned.

I share a strong affinity for him largely because of his innocence, honesty and lack of subterfuge.