Do you guys drive?

[tmlanders]

My son is an aspie. He went through driver's ed ok, but he scares the crap out of me when I go driving with him. He is currently 21, a junior in college, and his summer job possibilities are limited to where he can walk or take a bus. Same for when he graduates.

If you do drive do you have tips and tools you can suggest to hep my son? If you don't drive can you tell me how you get around to get to your job? This is really getting to my son, so all input would be very much appreciated!

[hunter]

1. I wrecked my car at your son's age.

No permanent damage, but damn, I had some awesome bruises. Good thing I was wearing my seat belt, and nobody else got hurt. The woman I hit was driving a monster old Lincoln, and I was driving a small car. She was surprised, but unhurt. Her car was still drivable too. I could hardly move for more than a month, and they had to scrape my car off the street.

After that I was really, really, careful, and I've not had an accident since.

I drive, but I can't really talk and drive at the same time, or listen to the radio. I drive mostly by good habit now, it's sort of a subconscious thing like riding a bike or figuring out where your feet go while running off-road, so if I am talking or listening to the radio I don't crash or even drive dangerously, but I do sometimes find myself driving miles past my destination, or to someplace I didn't intend to go -- which is especially embarrassing if someone is in the car with me. It's like, "Oh dear, how did we get here?"

I'm at my very worst when I'm alone and trying to solve some complex problem in my head -- a relationship problem, trying to puzzle out some geology or biology question, or a computer coding problem. Uh, oh... it will slowly dawn on me ...what the hell? This is Fresno...

Life's just full of surprises, ain't it?

I'm pretty good at tuning out my kids while I'm driving, but if they are fighting too much, I'll stop and wait 'til they stop. My wife knows better than to fight with me or have a complex discussion while I'm driving.

So here's what works for me:

1. Seatbelts, seatbelts, seatbelts!
   
2. A "just the facts" style of driving instruction until everything is ingrained -- stop lights, stop signs, brake lights, turn signals, an awareness of other cars and the road.
   
3. No distractions. No radio, no conversation, no fighting (especially!), no back seat driving, no cell phones, no driving under stress
   
4. Make a habit of watching the speedometer, fuel gages, and the warning lights. I don't tend to speed, but I have had some skin-of-the-teeth encounters with empty gas tanks, and I've messed up the engines of two cars letting them overheat. (Heh, how do you think I learned to rebuild an engine?)
   
5. Know your limitations, and strive to work around them. That's probably a good rule for anyone.
   

I don't think I'll ever stop worrying about my kids' driving...

[tmlanders]

2. Thanks, hunter

The thing that really threw me over the edge was once when he was driving and he took a left right in front of a big truck. When I asked him why he did that he said that he thought the truck driver had waved him across. I did not see that, but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. Now my son is really skittish about driving, probably in some part because of my freaking out. I will send him your post, and maybe reconsider my feelings towards him driving. My other, younger, non-aspie son has already totaled one car, so I am not sure my apprehension about Mike driving is directed towards the right son!

He did take the road test for his driving license once, but failed because he did not look over his shoulder when changing lanes on a highway. I don't know anyone who was even taken on the highway for their driving test, so I don't know why they did that to him.

I like reading your posts, by the way. You seem really happy and content, which is all I wish for my son. I am sure it took a lot of work for you to get to this place in your life.

[hunter]

3. Good therapy, good drugs, and a very patient family...

... I still have moments of utter cluelessness, but not like I did as a kid or young man.

:thumbsup:

[Kajsa]

4. Hunter, your tips are good for

all drivers, especially regarding the stress and fighting.

My son,( HS autism)23, hasn't learned to drive yet.

He's failed the written test twice so right now, he's discouraged.
Written tests are difficult for him at times.

I do believe he can drive, someday.

If anyone has any pointers on how to take the written test
and driving test, all will be greatly appreciated.

I've heard he could take the written test orally.
Is that true?

We live in CA.

Thanks. :hi:

[hedgehog]

5. "What the hell, this is Fresno..." I love it.

I've had my moments of heading to the airport to drop someone off at the train station not to mention heading for work instead of the mall. It's really weird how the brain can split up responsibilities, and if "you" don't tell the "driver" where "you" are going, the "driver" will select a destination !

[AndyTiedye]

10. Onboard Navigation Systems Rock!

A navigation system can give you turn-by-turn directions with plenty of warning for each turn, and a map display showing all or part of the route.



I think every parent worries about their kids' driving.

[sam sarrha]

17. only if you/he pulls over to read it...

[AndyTiedye]

21. Most Car Navigation Systems Will Talk to You

You set it up before you leave, and it will give you turn-by-turn directions.

[merwin]

16. I actually bought a radar detector to stop my speeding problem.

Seems counter-intuitive, but having that device attached to my windshield is a constant reminder for me to check how fast I'm going.

[ikojo]

6. I've had one car in my life. When I did drive

I always worried, did I hit anyone...my car died and I never replaced it. I now ride a scooter, much fewer worries, IMHO. It's not as big as a car for one thing.

I live in St Louis and before I bought my first scooter (a Vespa LX 50) in 2005 I got around using my bike in combination with the public transit system. Neither easy nor fast but I did make it to work.

[KamaAina]

7. Nope.

Of course, that shuts me out of about 95 percent of the country; I am basically constrained to live only in the larger metropolitan areas that have something resembling transit.

I have never understood why the ability to pilot a two-ton hunk of metal is essentially a prerequisite for citizenship, outside NYC, anyway. -- and NYC is so expensive you end up riding the subway even to get to decent shopping! :grr:

[Bryan]

8. I've been driving for a year

It took me two tries to pass the road test, but I've been getting much better at it with daily practice. At this point, I've confined my efforts to in-town driving, but I can get all of my normal errands handled.

I think I know a little about what your son is going through. When I started driving, I was endlessly flustered by the active combination of all the different sensory inputs-the lights, the signage, the other cars, the speed of my own vehicle-and the fact that the procedures I had carefully practiced often had to be carried out in varying combinations at the same time and at speed. I could turn, I could check the rear-view mirror, and I could keep an eye on the car in front, but all at once?

This confusion, along with the fear of getting into an accident, inhibited my ability to process everything with the necessary speed, so my first few months were characterized by a lot of slow driving and pulling over to the curb to take a moment to get my nerve back.

More than that, the rules of the road are one thing, while the endless variables in individual behavior while driving are something else. The scary story about your son's close call with the truck is familiar to me; unless he's got a marked difficulty with non-verbal signal recognition, I think it can be chalked up to everyday ambiguity and not active error.

If I were to give advice to your son, I'd tell him not to get discouraged about not passing the test right away. The complexity of driving is constantly dynamic and fluid, and if it were possible for even the neurotypical to master it, there would be no accidents. I'd recommend that he set up and practice set routes time and again, such as back and forth to the supermarket. If you're son's like me, orderly procedures take a lot of the frustration out of daily life, and a big part of getting a handle on driving is simply getting the actions of driving ingrained through routine, and becoming more familiar with local streets on a spatial-recognition level. I'd also recommend trying to take side streets and cut through residential areas where traffic is reliably low. It may require building more time into trips, but it builds confidence in handling all the operations with moving cars in the mix, but without the constant crush of busy streets.

[Deja Q]

9. As an Aspie myself,

it's not easy and I too have played bumper cars (and lost) with the best of them.

Here's what I try to do:

Try to get a telecommuting job. With the power of broadband, if they can offshore, they can allow teleworking too.

If he does better driving during off hours, any job that isn't 9-to-5 rush hour territory is essential.

When driving, I have a CD of two or three songs that keep playing over - this allows me to concentrate on the road and the immediate traffic. Distortions are a weakness yet I can't stand silence either. (I also drive alone and avoid conversations with people in person or on the cell phone during this time.)

I drive the speed limit, avoid the fat left 'fast' lane, and keep a lengthy distance. I take extra time when turning because I don't alway see the other car right away and experience has taught me, getting hit (or hitting on) is bad. I do see people passing by me, and sometimes honking or using their high beams. I can only ignore it as I am looking out for not only their lives but my own. No, it's not fun to endure, but one's got to. Pity more neurotypicals don't... (how's that for hubris? :D )

[Odin2005]

11. Nope. I'm too much of an absent-minded klutz.

[KamaAina]

12. Nope.

Although, to coin a phrase, "I'm an excellent driver" :-) , the issue becomes that there are all these typicals out there driving on the same road, and I'm supposed to be paying attention to them and stuff.

Bear in mind that I frequently get deadlocked with typicals while walking down a hallway or sidewalk or whatever; they zig, I zag, and then they zig right back into my way! This can go on for several seconds before I finally figure out how to get around them.

Now try this with us both in two-ton automobiles...

As to getting around, it's all up to Mr. Bus. 45 flippin' minutes, on average, for the three-mile journey to the cubicle. This in a place that has twice been voted "America's best Transit System"! Uggggggggh.

[A-Long-Little-Doggie]

13. Thank you all for your insight!

My son did get his license -- yippee! He still isn't crazy about driving, but wanted to have his license just in case. I think I left out the part about his first road test -- the mean instructor actually took him on the highway, and failed him because he changed lanes without looking over his shoulder. He did look in the mirror, though. Now, who takes kids out for road tests on a highway!!!?? Very mean, I say.

My younger (typical) son literally almost hit a guy on a bike when he was exiting the DMV parking lot. I am in the back seat saying "well, he'll do better next time". But the guy has him drive to a quiet side street, back up, turn around and go back.

So, my older son doesn't look over his shoulder and gets failed, younger son almost hits someone and passes. Sometimes I think that my older one just has bad luck sometimes.

getalonglittledoggie (formerly known as tmlanders)

[SheilaT]

14. My oldest son, age 24

has Asperger's. He had little to no interest in driving until he was at least 19, and then only because the only way he was going to be able to attend the local junior college was to be to learn to drive and get his own car.

We are a family of stick-shift drivers. My son was unable to learn to drive on a stick shift. Too many things to do all at once. We acquired a car with automatic transmission, he matered the basics of driving and passed his written and driving tests after only two tries each. But he was a terrible driver.

I think the essential skill of driving is to be able to pay attention to everything that his happening around you all at once. That's VERY difficult for someone with any kind of attention deficit disorder, which Asperger's certainly is, in part. But after driving for a few months my son came back to me and asked if he could try driving my stick shift car again. And he nailed it. Didn't stall out, could drive, shift, stop at a stop light or stop sign, pay attention to the speed limit, and all those things that go into driving. Every chance he got he'd drive my car, even though that wasn't very often. About two years went by, and he said he really wnated to trade in his automatic transmission car for a stick shift car, and we did that. Much tomy amazement, now that he's full time driving a stick shift car, he's a MUCH better driver than he was on the first car, the one with automatic transission. I think that the requirements of a standard transmission helps focus him, and he's able to concentrate on all the other skills of driving . Now, I'll admit, I'm powerfully biased in favor of standard transmissions, but even I'm amazed at this.

Driving is a much more complex skill than we usually realize, because in this country "everyone" drives. There is NOTHING wrong with never learning to drive, unless you live outside of a metropolitan area with good public transportation, which means if you live almost anywhere in this country.

On a side note, today while I was in the grocery store I saw a women with three young adults with Down's Syndrome. I suppose they live in some kind of a group home because she was clearly instructing them in how to shop, how to look at the prices, and so on. Later on, it occurred to me that the one thing those young adults will probably never be able to do is to learn to drive, which means their independence will be severely restricted. I'm not entirely sure they could manage on public transportation all that well. At least those with Asperger's, even if driving is beyond them, have so many other ways of coping, and are almost always so smart and so capable in other ways, that they will be able to go through life with a lot of independence.

[merwin]

15. I went through many car accidents (~8 i think) up until i was 21 or so.

Luckily there were only a couple that were determined to be at fault, and those were because of getting lost in my head while driving.

Focus is the biggest issue, and with me listening to music or Air America while driving actually helps me concentrate on the road, since I'm not getting lost in my own thoughts. However, I wouldn't recommend that for everyone :) Aside from focus, the only other advice I can give you is to get a car that has a good safety rating and air-bags!

For me, a lot of it was the other driver doing stupid things that I didn't pick up on quickly enough.

[sam sarrha]

18. me too..3, but i have driven busses and semi's for years, not any more,, i have unbelievable ability

concentrate on specific tasks.. microscope work.. technical things

encourage him into an urban lifestyle, live simple and cheap.. so he can do things he enjoys

[AndyTiedye]

22. City Living Requires Much Better Social Skills Though

encourage him into an urban lifestyle,

Living in the city does require much better social skills, and it requires their constant use, which can be exhausting.

live simple and cheap..

Cheap? Not in any city you'd want to live in.

[KamaAina]

23. What about college towns?

Many have good transit (in Chapel Hill, for instance, it's free), they're smaller and less expensive than cities, and obviously, they're full of intellectuals.

Any suggestions from the floor?

[htuttle]

19. I've been in the taxicab business for 20 years as of this year

I drove for about 10 of those years. The rest have been in the back office. When I drove, I imagined that I was ENTIRELY invisible to other drivers and tried to pay strict attention to every moment on the road.

In other words, I fixated on traffic, just like any other topic I've gotten interested in over the years. I don't think there's anything about AS that precludes safe driving. It's just a matter of caring about it enough to pay attention to the nuances of traffic.

As a side note, I've recently begun to realize that I've learned almost everything I know about people from observing the passengers in the backseat of my cab. For better or worse...

[TrogL]

20. I tell the passengers to shut the fuck up and stay out my mirrors

The only time I have the radio on is for the commute so I can check traffic conditions.