Colbert Report on the Faux State of the Union Address: Alternate Universe White President

[SemiCharmedQuark]

*snip*

Colbert: "My friends, last night our Alternate Universe White President connected with the average American with compelling personal stories."

McDonnell: My dad told me, "Son. If you want a good job, you need a good education. Dad was right."

Colbert: That was such a good story. It reminds me of when I was a kid and my dad said "Son." Dad was right. I was his son. But it wasn't all gripping yarns folks. White president McDonnell provided concrete solutions for America's problems."

McDonnell: ...and our solutions aren't thousand page bills that no one has fully read. In fact, many of our proposals are available online. At solutions.gop.gov.

Colbert: Now like many of you. I raced to solutions.gop.gov and I downloaded the GOP solutions to all of America's problems. here it is, just 19 pages. Well actually this is a cover page so that doesn't count. And this is the table of contents so this doesn't count. And half of this is actually what the Democrats' plan is so that doesn't count. And for some reason, the last page is blank. So the complete GOP guide to saving the American economy, reforming healthcare, creating energy independence and keeping the nation safe from terrorists is 9 pages. But folks, it is packed with information along with stock photography and the kinds of generous margins usually reserved for 8th grade term papers. And, my fellow Americans, despite the stereotype of Republicans as scrooges, it has some compassionate solutions for the unemployed. For example, the Republican plan would extend federal unemployment benefits through December 2009. Merry Christmas!

*snip*

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/262626/january-28-2010/stephen-s-state-of-the-union-speech

[quiet.american]

1. Funny, but also scary because every damn word is true. nt