A difficult conversation

[madamesilverspurs]

So, I just got off the phone with an old friend. The final straw having met the camel's back, she's in the process of separating from her SO; seems he took advantage of the rebate program and 'surprised' her with a real estate purchase, a small fixer-upper that he planned to rent out. Turns out, the terms of his loan require 'owner occupancy', and there was something that made him ineligible for the rebate; he's now blaming her for the mess because she's refusing to bail him out of his ill-advised purchase, and she's blaming Obama for the housing mess AND her separation.

Anyway, I'd already invited her over for dinner and conversation, everybody needs somebody to talk to when they're going through rough times; and I'm not ready to throw away a 20+ year friendship over some remarks made out of hurt and anger of the moment. But it's going to be challenging to listen to the 'blame Obama' long enough to let her calm down. Now I'm wishing I'd promised something other than pizza, as I suspect that having something crunchy to chew on would help block out the diatribe...


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[Cha]

1. It's too bad when someone has to blame President

Obama for their personal problems, silverspurs, but if there's anyone she needs to talk with to open up a better perspective it's you.

Good Luck..maybe thin crust? :)

[FrenchieCat]

2. Let her know that Obama wasn't elected to become the savior of us all.....

only to try and reverse some of the damage that took years in the making.

When everyone thought their homes were worth twice as much as they are now,
and were borrowing money on the equity, that some now have problems paying back,
they weren't blaming anyone. They profited based on a fiction, and now they
continue the fiction thinking a President can just fix everything, and that's all
needs to be wrote.

[canetoad]

3. Maybe you need to

read up on the specific regulations that have created her husband's situation; when they were put in place, what the intent is etc. Then you can calmly inform her of the facts.

Best of luck, I'm glad it's you not me. I always find that when people want to 'talk over' their personal lives, it usually involves you doing the listening. :)

[treestar]

4. That's odd; usually people blame the SO when those kinds of problems

crop up! The SO becomes the most evil person in the world!

[madamesilverspurs]

5. Whew!

Dinner actually went fairly well. It helped that when she arrived I was in the middle of telephone conversation with the cable people who were trying to remotely get the teevee working. After witnessing my exasperation she recalled when her dish was installed and wound up screwing up her lights and phone for a couple of weeks.

When she got back onto the real estate thing I mentioned that I had been approached by a couple of realtors who presented a number of avenues for home ownership and that I had turned them down. She was astonished when I explained that that had happened in 1991 (well before Obama), that the realtors had come to my apartment to try to sell me a house, seeing as how I was bed-bound and in a body cast while awaiting the disability settlement. My point was to remind her that the easy access to housing loans was nothing new on the scene; she actually agreed that she'd been a bit hasty with her judgement. (!)

Now she's mad at the realtors who sold him the house, she's thinking that they took advantage of someone who does not yet have a full grasp of the English language (yes, he's an immigrant, still learning the language); she may actually have a point, it's happened quite a bit around here the last few years.

But at least the dinner went well, no cussing at Obama.

So, yeah. Whew.


And thanks for the input, DUers!

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[sandnsea]

7. Depending on the state, there may be recourse

Some states are pretty tough on realtors who don't make sure the buyer knows every details, and the bankers too. Also, there should be some kind of contingency on the $8,000 rebate. I would have her at least look into those kinds of legalities for him, regardless of her decision to divorce him.

[Cha]

8. I knew you'd be the one..lol!

Thanks for the update Ms. :)

[NJmaverick]

6. It's always tough to see people project their personal problems onto the President

good luck trying to explain that to her.:hi:

[Mira]

9. Tricky. But...

if you, my dear, speak half as well as you write, and can listen attentively (like Rachel seems to :))
you will both be way ahead after wards.

[Mimosa]

10. She's gone 'round the bend!

From your OP:

"Turns out, the terms of his loan require 'owner occupancy', and there was something that made him ineligible for the rebate; he's now blaming her for the mess because she's refusing to bail him out of his ill-advised purchase, and she's blaming Obama for the housing mess AND her separation."

I was a realtor years ago (and a good one). It seems to me that if there was an agent or a mortgage broker involved the buyer would have been informed of the terms of that program at the time he made an offer on the property. (The 5 to 8K credit for first time home purchase is now expired afaik.) Anyhow, at the closing table for any transaction the closing attorney reads each sentence, each term of the sales contract and the loan documents. The buyer has to understand and agree in writing to EACH term.

I think your friend's husband had to have lied at the closing table. It would have been explained at the closing table that the loan required the property to be occupied by the owner. If the buyer did not agree to that term or any other which would have been explained, line by line, the closing would have been canceled. So methinks the man LIED at the settlement in order to buy a rental property. That's a federal offense!

Anybody who's been to a residential home loan closing knows that at minimum the closing takes 1and a half to two hours (mostly 2 hours) because each provision of the loan agreement and the property provisions are explained in tedious detail. And all parties sign each page of several documents.

The woman has Obama derangement syndrome. She's bull-Sing you, Madame. And she's married to a snake.

[Peacetrain]

11. You have my thoughts and sympathies for what will be a difficult conversation

But your friend is doing something we all do.. we have to find someone to blame in order to deal with a difficult situation.

She has picked someone far away, and who will not debate her anger.. the President.. so in a strange and odd way, it is probably a healthy way for her to deal with her hurt.

Unfortunately.. I think you will need 2 advil and a hug yourself when that visit is over.

:hug:


OOPS edit to add.. I see the dinner is already over.. I just jumped down to make my own comment instead of reading the replies. :hi: