My son's employer has asked all employees to get passports

[SoCalDem]

And of course HIS birth certificate was the ONLY one we could not find..
The company gave them 60 days to apply or that's it.

He lives in Seattle and the company does business with "the government"..and they also have a facility in Vancouver, so they want all their employees to be "ready", and have all their ID's in order... Homeland Security is busy.

Here's an odd twist to this story.. My son called Kansas and was able to get his certified copy sent to him..no problem.. but for a friend at work this directive really rocked his world.

He wnet to his parent's house (he's about 26)..and his Mom told him where to look. He did some looking at other papers too, and found out that he was born a year before his parents got married..

he stayed for dinner and joked with them about "fudging on their anniversary date..and it didn't matter to him if they "lived in sin" before he was born.

His Dad turned white in the face and said.."Dammit, let's tell him"..

It appears that his Dad is not even his Dad.. Mom and dad were truly "just friends" when she got pregnant by another guy, and he had his name put on the birth certificate. After the baby was born, they decided to become more than friends, and ended up getting married, but they never told their son.

He asked for, and was told the name of his "real father".. He was actually someone known to this young man..in a parent of a friend of a friend sort of way..

He debated for a few days, and finally got up the nerve to call the guy..

he did and the response??

"Just because I f***ed your Mom a quarter of a century ago, does not mean I wanna be your daddy"..
..........................................
WTF is wrong with people ?

[Spinzonner]

1. Biological maturity does track with

social and personal responsibility all the time.

Welcome to real life.


:-)

[dsc]

2. I know how upset his friend must be

but someday he will thank his lucky stars that the man who provided the sperm wasn't just a little better of a guy. At least that louse was awful enough to just walk away and not pretend to be a real human.

[wakeme2008]

3. I would hope the employer PAID for the passports for their employees

Also how many of them really would NEED to go to Canada. Probably very few, IMHO. Then I would question WHY... Something smells.

[SoCalDem]

4. Oh.. it's about "security" to be sure..

background checks etc.. But my son wanted a passport anyway, since one will be needed soon to get back into the US..and he goes snowboarding in Cacada in the wintertime :)

I think the employer IS helping out with the cost :)

[bunkerbuster1]

17. Not necessarily smelly

Could be just a matter of planning. Someone might've run the numbers for what it would cost the company if X number of employees had to expedite the passport processing; or maybe it was less scientific but still benign, i.e., "ya know, it's going to be a real pain next year if we don't get on this now."

I only write this because I've worked at organizations that rarely worried about cost-benefit ratios when it came to travel; the only thing that mattered was that Employee X could be in Location A at a particular time, and nobody really questioned the air-ticket costs, for instance.

[Mythsaje]

5. "Damn, man. I had a feeling some of my genes were defective.

If you think I'm looking for a daddy at 25, your DNA must be the reason I have "duh" moments."


Have I ever mentioned that my mouth has gotten me in trouble a time or two?

[SoCalDem]

6. His mom chose the right daddy, didn't she?..

Those old family secrets usually always turn out badly..

He did tell my son he was not interested in ever seeing or hearing from that bastard again..

[Na Gael]

10. I agree

Just think of the life this kid would have had, if the donor stayed around? His situation could have...It WOULD have been much worse.
He should be relieved and count himself lucky. Also he shouldn't harbor any ill-will toward the donor...Not harboring any more emotion than he would a stranger-because that is what the donor is, a stranger. The donor should simply be forgotten.
Then, it would be nice if he pulled both his parents close, first thanking his father. This is a man to be admired, as well as emulated. His mother and father must have the truest of friendships. Even so, most men would not have swallowed their pride, and offered their life in such a manner.
Following, he should thank his mother. How many women would have been keen to marrying a friend, and giving it a go? Had it gone poorly, she could have lost what sounds like her closest friend. She sounds like a woman gifted with a lot of trust and determination.

[OregonBlue]

11. My thought exactly!!

[UnyieldingHierophant]

34. Actually, I'm in the exact same situation...

I just kinda figured it out but have never been told. I have no desire for contact with the bio father.

[TreasonousBastard]

7. The passport thing doesn't sound suspicious at all...

it's not the company getting wierd-- it's the need for a passport to go to Canada that's wierd. People travel between offices all the time, and it's best to get that sort of red tape thing out of the way as soon as possible.

Bummer about that other guy, though, but it seems to have worked out OK in the end.

[ScreamingMeemie]

8. This is why we told WannaB from the start.

Wow, were they going to fire him if he didn't get a passport? That's what I'm reading from "they had 60 days or that's it". :hi;

[SoCalDem]

18. i think the company just wanted to light a fire under them to get them going

and they got a huge government contract, so there are some security issues, because Homeland Security was mentioned by name in the meeting, they had with the employees . i guess the company figured it wouls be beneficial to do the passport thing because the documentation checking is more rigorous.. (My husband's birth certificate was initially rejected when he applied for his first passport in Aug '03 .)

[RobinA]

35. Yep....

As someone who has been trying to get a passport since February and isn't even close yet, I can vouch for the advisability of starting several years in advance of even the possibility that one might want to cross a border.

And I'm 100% American born and raised, have blue eyes, and not even a whiff of a criminal record.

[cynatnite]

9. They probably should have told him the truth a while ago...

but I understand why they didn't. At least now he knows who his real dad is. I hope he's okay. That's harsh no matter how old you are.

[Karenina]

12. Tiny nitpick... The man he calls Dad

IS his REAL Dad! ;-) :hi:

[renate]

23. no kidding!

With lots of extra Dad brownie points.

[kath]

25. you've got that right - the other guy is just a sperm donor.

[SoCalDem]

13. Lots of families have secrets.. My friend's mother-in-law confided in her

just a few months ago, that her youngest "daughter" is actually her granddaughter from her youngest daughter... the "daughter" is 27 and still thinks her birth mom is her older sister :eyes:

[NashVegas]

29. Oh, Man

That kind of stuff went on in my mom's extended family. And they are seriously messed up people.

[MountainLaurel]

39. I had a friend in middle school like that

Her "brother" was actually her nephew, born to her older sister. I don't think he knows yet and he's in his 20s by now: When his "father" died last year, he was listed as a son. I'm curious about what the birth certificate says, though, now that I think about it.

[Lex]

14. Sadly, I've read that many adopted childred who find their bio parents

find out that the bio parent is NOT happy about the contact.

I had a close friend go through the search for her bio parents and she was cautioned many, many times about the scenes that play out that are very negative from the bio parents, once found. (Her situation turned out positive however.)

[Solo_in_MD]

21. Ive seen mixed examples

A lot of it is the expections of the child and the generation or culture of those who gave them up. In one case I know well, the child was looking for genetic information. That was handled well and maturely and there has been mild followup contact. In another, the unacknowledged child was a major embarassement to the mother, and it did not go well at all. Synopsis seems to be tnat those who are looking for love often have a much harder time.

[babylonsister]

15. Holy cow, what a story!

That young man got a double whammy, and he's lucky to now know the true nature of his (twisted) biological father. I agree, wtf IS wrong? That was just plain rude.

As for his parents, I don't understand why they waited so long to tell him. Seems they were never going to do so. I'm not in there shoes, so won't judge them; just seems strange.

[Nay]

38. They prob didn't tell him because they knew what his bio father was

really like. An asshole.

That guy is lucky -- he got a loving mom and dad, and was spared being in the vicinity of an asshole.

[HCE SuiGeneris]

16. That is just so heartbreaking. What a humongous POS! n/t

[Clark2008]

19. I can't believe someone would be so crass as to discuss

sex and one's mother.

Even though all of us know (with the exception of Kirk Cameron, apparently) how babies are made, we still don't want to know the details of our parents' sex lives.

Ewww.

[skip fox]

20. But what a great story!

Really. The scene at the table sounds like a central scene of an interesting fictional work. Very involved. The fact the biological (only) father was an ass, . . . tht would wok as well.

[Parche]

22. People

This sounds like a bad turn in a soap opera!!!! :hi:

[Blueberry_raspberry]

24. Ouch!

"Just because I f***ed your Mom a quarter of a century ago, does not mean I wanna be your daddy"..

Ouch!

[pitohui]

26. after 26 years i wouldn't be thrilled to hear from the kid either

why can't people let the past be the past? his real father is the man who raised him, what did he expect to gain by contacting this other party who clearly wanted nothing to do with him?

the silence over 26 years time should have been all the hint he needed that a phone call out of the blue would be unwelcome

it was up to his mother to sue for child support or whatever back in the day, she made her own decision, which clearly was the best one for the time and for the kid

the sperm donor was and is a jerk, how is that surprising, if he wasn't a jerk the kid would have known about him way before 26 years went by

i just don't see how any positive outcome could be expected from springing this kind of phone call on someone, eek, at least ease into it with a letter or an email or something so the person can read and think in peace before being broadsided

[Book Lover]

30. I agree

Granted, the man could have been gracious in choosing his words, but then again, I wish that for a lot of people I hear or read. Not everyone can be gracious when a phone call comes out of the blue.

[Fleshdancer]

41. It's ok to be curious about the people you share DNA with

I don't care how thrilled or not thrilled the sperm donor is to hear from the kid because it's not about his feelings or what he wants. If you play a part in bringing someone into this world, prepare to answer questions and have the decency to not be an ass about it. How hard is that?

[Solo_in_MD]

44. A lot would depend on the kind of conversation went after "I think you are my genetic parent"

Asking for genetic based medical information would be cool, saying you are expecting them to be a dad/mom is another.

[windbreeze]

27. Takes more than a roll in the hay....

to make a man a Father....and even though this was a serious slap down for the kid...I hope he realizes that he has the best there is, right now...the other guy isn't worth the powder it takes to blow him to hell...
wb

[NashVegas]

28. Look At the Bright Side

The 25 year old won't have to waste any time wondering what might have been. He won't have to be angry with his mother for keeping his biological father out of his life.

[SoCalDem]

31. apparently that was his take on it.

He didn't really "want" anything from the guy.. I guess his curiosity got the best of him..especially since he actually knew who the guy was..

[NashVegas]

32. I'd Commend Him for Making the Call

Sometimes, you just have to give people the chance to be real assholes. I wish I knew that at 25 ...

[Paulie]

36. I'm in this boat right now

I tracked down a phone number and mailing address, after 33 out of 35 years. Even found property tax info and satellite images. :) Do I make the call, do I sent a letter, let him know he has (another??) grandchild?

Decisions decisions...

I'm more interested in the genealogy aspects than anything else.

[SoCalDem]

37. You could write a letter from genealogical aspect of it and report it as a curiosity

and who knows..maybe they are interested too..

[UnyieldingHierophant]

33. Guy's a jackass, he probably should have figured as much...I

wouldn't have attempted contact.

[SemperEadem]

40. The last few freelance gigs I worked were very pleased

with the fact that I had a passport to use as documentation instead of using the birth certificate/driver license/social security card.

I think this guy's company should pay for the passports if it wasn't a prerequisite for getting hired.

re: the guy finding out about his true pedigree: I'm torn on that one--on the one hand I would have left it alone after the folks fessed up, on the other, curiosity would have gotten the better of me, but I know I would have riposted with "and I thank God every day that I don't require you to be my daddy".

[murloc]

42. Last time I tried to use a passport as ID it was rejected

BY THE FEDERAL GOVERNMENT as not good enough!!! This was just last year.

I lost my pocketbook so I set about replacing my documents like drivers license and SS card.

I dig out my passport and head to the SS burea and request a duplicate SS Card.

Naturally they ask for ID so I give them my unexpired passport.

Somewhat paraphrasing:

"I'm sorry but we need your drivers license"

"I've lost my drivers license, but this is my passport. It is unexpired and the photo is clearly me".

"I'm sorry but we need your drivers license"

"I cant get my drivers license without a SS CARD"

"Ok, I'll give you a letter indicating your ssn number. Take that to the DMV and they'll give you your license. Once you get your duplicate license, come back and I'll order your SS card".

So I follow along like a good little citizen and played their silly game back and forth between the 2 government offices until I had all my "papers".

[in_cog_ni_to]

43. Did the biological father know that the young man is his son or did his mom never tell the guy she

was pregnant?

What a strange reaction to have toward a biological child. One would think the biological father would be a little bit interested in his offspring. sheesh. How hateful.

[SoCalDem]

45. My son didn't say.

If it was a casual one-night stand sort of thing, she may not have...or she may have and he may have denied... shame was still a factor back then too..

My son said the guy was ok with the fact that his bio-parent was a creep, and was happy to have been raised by the family he has :)