snip:
You can see the problem. It would appear that while Lohan seems to embody all the nefarious qualities we look for in a good Antichrist, there are simply too many other potential Antichrists for one meager nation to bear. We are on Antichrist overload. It is widely rumored that Adam Sandler vied for the position of Antichrist but was rejected for actually being too whiny. Ann Coulter wanted it desperately but was rejected simply because the Antichrist would never appear looking like something that accidentally fell to the ground when you were gutting a sturgeon.
What's a tormented, hell-bound nation to do? How can we possibly choose?
Ah, but here is the big secret. Here is the deeper mystery, revealed: Perhaps all these torturous, diuretic creatures are the Antichrist, because the lord of the underworld is, well, transmutable. A shape-shifter. It's true. Of course the Dark One can jump effortlessly from vehicle to vehicle and from obnoxious celeb to obnoxious celeb like some sort of virus or awful trend in leggings or viral YouTube video. It makes perfect sense.
In other words, perhaps Lindsay is merely the current incarnation, the Antichrist du jour. Perhaps this is how it works: Wherever our collective cultural attention becomes fixated at the expense of far more serious and interesting and intellectually stimulating issues, of war and global warming and health care and love and sex and death, perhaps this is our Antichrist, the thing that makes us forget we have, you know, hearts, and minds, and active, curious souls.
Plus, we have but to remember one dark, vital truth: Dick Cheney has but to make one phone call, one sidelong sneer and he's right back at the top of the list, displacing Lohan with one effortless flick of his middle finger, thus restoring the proper order of (evil) things. Now, isn't that reassuring?
http://www.sfgate.com/columnists/morford/
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