Washington’s Farewell Address Translated into Everyday Speech

[Xipe Totec]

Just a short excerpt:

...

I just said that parties are no good, particularly regional ones. But lemme go a step further and say ALL parties are a bad idea.

Unfortunately, it’s pretty much human nature to gather into little factions like this. It’s worst in the freeest countries, and they suffer because of it.

Control goes back and forth between one party and another, and they just get more and more pissed, and we’ve seen that get really bad in the past. But it also leads to terrible, controlling government and general suckage. This gets the people more angry, they get behind one party leader or another, and that guy just takes that support and does whatever he wants, screwing up the country.

(snip)

Now, there’s the idea that the parties are important to defend freedom and put the government in its place. That might even be true sometimes; when you’ve got a real Nazi in charge, you can afford to rally behind a party, but you shouldn’t like it, and you should dump it ASAP. And there’s always gonna be a feeling of opposition to whatever the government is, so be sure you know what you’re doing before getting all partisan, and be very careful to know when to drop it so you don’t just make the problem worse.

Also, make very sure that you keep all your politicians in their place. There’s this tendency to let all the power shift into one office, which inevitably creates tyranny (just look at human nature and how much we love power). If you just divide up the power, and get everyone to watch everyone else, we’ve seen both in the past and right here at home that things will work out pretty well. And if you think the powers aren’t laid out right, just go ahead and amend the Constitution. But be careful, because that’s an easy way to destroy everything. Make sure you’re not switching to something that, no matter how good it is for now, sucks in the long term.


...

http://blag.xkcd.com/2007/01/29/washingtons-farewell-address-translated-into-the-vernacular

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. This is funny and cool all at once.

[Xipe Totec]

3. A friend AIMed me the link this morning

Much easier to digest than the original.

[Phredicles]

2. The image of Geo. Washington saying "general suckage" is pretty funny,

although I believe he had several generals working for him in the Revolutionary War who could easily have earned that as a nickname.

[Xipe Totec]

4. That, and Major Fiasco, Private Dispair,

and Corporal Punishment.

[many a good man]

5. This is one of the coolest things ever!

Deeply profound.