Any openly bisexual posters here?

[Matsubara]

Have you ever been called a liar for self-identifying as bisexual? Do you just go along with "straight" or "gay", because it's easier?

I was called a liar for self-identifying as bi, and I can't help but wonder if I'm the only one it's happened to...



Or if you're one of the people who thinks all bi people are lying to others and to themselves, please regale us with how you came to this conclusion.

[Forkboy]

1. I can't figure out why someone would consider it lying in the first place.

I've known quite a few bisexual women (and probably men too)...I don't see how it's lying to like both sexes. :shrug:

[Matsubara]

2. For obvious reasons, men tend to be more quiet about it...

...but I find it funny that bi people get accused of lying, but straight people who may have latent feelings but can "pull it off" get a pass.

Whatever. It just seems to me that bi people are one of the last groups it's still okay to slur.


And for the record, "bi" does not mean that a person alternates between male and female partners. Many bi people are exclusively monogamous with a partner of the same or opposite sex. They are simply honest enough to acknowledge that they also have the potential for attraction to both sexes. It's an orientation, not necessarily a behavior.

[Mythsaje]

3. I think bisexual people might discomfit all sorts of folks

from the fundies who hate it on religious grounds to those who think it's self-deception, at best, not accepting the fact that such a person is actually "gay" and is simply in denial about it.

An old acquaintance, a friend of a friend, self-identified as "fully sexual." He liked both men and women and saw nothing weird about it. I saw nothing to indicate he was in denial of anything and either, as far as I know, did anyone else.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

19. people also project their insecurities on bisexuals.

[Apollo11]

4. I think most women are secretly bisexual

There are hundreds of movies dealing with this exact situation. ;-)

[truebrit71]

10. You are SOOOOOOOOOO naughty!!!

:rofl:

[uppityperson]

29. I had a man arguing that with me, trying to talk me into recognizing I was bi

I'm not, but he was convinced that "all women are and if you deny it you are in denial". He liked to go to orgies and kept inviting me to join him, rather a bit of a pushy jerk sort.

It doesn't matter what sexual orientation you are to me, so long as you are a decent caring person.

[Matsubara]

30. That's one of the grosser comeons I've heard.

Even if you were bi, um, hello - a lot of people are not into ORGIES.

[Clark2008]

63. How insane.

Sounds to me like he just wanted to get some from you and live out HIS fantasy.

While I harbor no resentment toward gay people or bisexual people, I don't have any bisexual or lesbian fantasies. Never have. They've all always been about men.

I like men. A lot. I think men are sexy. I think my husband is the sexiest creature on the face of the planet.

I'm sure there are people of both sexes who are in denial that they are attracted to either their same sex or to both sexes - that I won't dispute - but there are also, in this world, those of us who are completely heterosexual, as well. Why would that be so hard to understand?

[TahitiNut]

43. Well, I would be ...

... or lesbian, for sure.

:evilgrin:

[Decruiter]

5. Whoops, guess you accidentally slipped this in GD instead of the Lounge!

Mods.... where are you?

[Matsubara]

6. This is *SO* not a "Lounge" thread.

The BS that bi people endure from both gays and straights (esp. fundies) is a serious matter to me, not trivial Lounge fluff.

[Decruiter]

7. Well, maybe not now but in the past it probably would have been.

GD used to be something more. I understand this is important to you and others, but what I remember of GD was something else.

More politics, more what is happening right now. Are you bi, straight or gay, just wasn't a topic for GD.

Gone, I guess, are the "good ole days". So what is new? Not much.

[REP]

8. This Thread Seems To Be About Sexuality and Prejudice, Which is GD Material

If this were a simple "check in if you're bi!" thread, then yes, it'd be more suitable for the Lounge, but since the OP is asking about perceptions of those and about those who identify as bisexual and prejudiced attitudes, this is not inappropriate here.

[shadowknows69]

20. Good ole days?

You got here in Jan of 07 according to your profile. Have some perspective here. There is a GD: Politics forum you know if that's all you want to read about.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

22. jan 07 is good ole days now?

:rofl:

[RagingInMiami]

25. I don't know about you

But back in January of 2007 I used to have to walk through miles of snow to get to school.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

26. ---

:rofl:

[shadowknows69]

27. I second that ROFLMAO

Best.Response.Evah!

[LeftishBrit]

31. Someone give that post a DUzy!

:rofl:

BTW, I am not bi, but know several people who are.

[uppityperson]

33. Uphill. Both ways.

[Puglover]

32. In the past?

LOL....and you have been here for how long?

[Decruiter]

45. Have any of you ever heard of a cat with nine lives?

Anyone remember Will, back when he was still teaching history?

Anyone at all remember RBHam?

How about Distressed American?

Truth Is ALL? PunPirate? Andy and the $50,000, in ten days?

Cindy and Crawford and what some special DU'ers did? Fly, Generic, Calimary, BHN, and just way more too many to mention?

Laugh all you like.

[Moochy]

47. What did Ignored have on his tombstone last time?

There's a reason he's ignored.

[MissB]

37. Good old days?

Head for GD: Politics.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

17. discussion of sexuality is not lounge material necessarily.

[dmallind]

9. Well I don;t shout it from the rooftops

But I can't say I hide or deny it either, and I must confess I've run into more poor repsonses from gay men than from straight ones. However now I think about it I suppose I discuss it more with gay men than straight ones for obvious reasons. I have never had what you would call a horrible reaction to bisexuality per se. Some dismissal, but not much. I've either been lucky, or not active enough to have run into much.

[Matsubara]

14. Nobody has had the guts to give me grief about it in person...

...but online - wow.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

11. i am. a few months ago someone went around saying i "changed my sexual orientation"

i was surprised to see how entertaining a bunch of glbt du'ers found that statement.

i identify as queer or pansexual.


do a search by bisexual on the GLBT forums. there are some interesting views there.

[Matsubara]

18. Did you tell them that you can change behavior, not orientation?

I suppose that even orientation can shift, ebb and flow over time, as can one's taste in partners, but the basic hardwiring is pretty much set, isn't it?

That's the annoying thing about society's attitudes - when I was dating guys in my youth, my family grudgingly accepted that I was "gay", then when I fell for a girl and got married, to them, I had "outgrown it" and become straight.

It doesn't work that way, but they are all so uptight about the topic, I just gave up.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

21. i thought it was too stupid to actually dignify a response.

i have been queer identified for a long time, and i changed partners not orientations.

[GreenPartyVoter]

12. Do you remember the episode of Ally McBeal where she couldn't

be with a bi guy? Just couldn't bring herself to do it. Worried about how she could compete with 100% of the population.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

13. yeah, if i remember correctly, she admited to being a bigot.

[GreenPartyVoter]

15. Pretty much, yeah. Couldn't wrap her head around the idea that

bi people can date monogamously, which I think is what the judge was offering at the time.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. and the judge said that just admitting bigotry isnt good enough.

i thought that was a good episode

[Matsubara]

23. Some women are just grossed out by the thought of it...

... which is funny because there are other women who just want to "convert" a gay guy.

But you can't make someone be attracted to someone else, and it sounds like Ally's real problem was the gross-out factor, and her "100% of the population" thing was just a cutesy excuse.

I had to go through something like that with my wife. I sure as hell wasn't going to lie about who I was. I have just always been really open-minded sexually, but that doesn't mean I can't also be monogamous. I think it's good to try a lot of things before settling down.

[GreenPartyVoter]

24. Yah, I thought it was too. :^)

[shadowknows69]

28. Aww fuck since everyone else missed the obvious joke I'll take it

"Not openly, no. Oops."

[romantico]

34. I am openly bisexual

and I have lost alot of gay friends over it. I still have gay friends but I hate how some just accuse me of being afraid to come out.

I started several thread in GLBT section RE: this and some of my problems in dealing with it.

Are Bisexuals and Homosexuals compatable?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=221x50422

Debunking Bisexual Myths

I started a thread a few weeks back asking if Bisexuals and Homosexuals were compatable. I got alot of interesting responses. Last night I tried to resolve some differences I had with those gay 'friends'of mine who judged me because of me being bisexual. It did not end very well and I learned that I would NEVER change their minds just like right wing christaians will never be convinced that homosexuality is nothing but immoral and a choice.I have washed my hands of the filthy lot of them and figure I could do a hell of alot better with making new friends. Frankly, life is too short and who needs these kinds of biphobic hatemongers? I have made up a list of Bisexual myths for my Bisexual brothers and sisters out there as well as my gay brothers and sisters. Thanks for listening to me rant



Bisexuality Defined: A person who is sexually attracted to and engages in sensual or sexual relationships with people of either sex. A bisexual person may not be equally attracted to both sexes, and the degree of attraction may vary over time.


Myth: Bisexuals have to like both men and women equally
Fact: There is no right or wrong way to be bisexual. You are the person who determines your sexuality. If you only date girls but are also attracted to guys, you can be bisexual. The same goes for people who date guys, but still like girls.
Some people believe that your sexuality is always changing. If you are bisexual, you could be attracted to men and women at different points in your life. It is the individual you find attractive, not their gender.


Myth: Bisexuals are promiscuous, they can’t hold down a committed monogamous relationship
Fact: News flash: a bisexual can fall in love and hold down a relationship. Being bisexual might mean you feel attracted to guys and girls, but it doesn’t give you license to be unfaithful to your partner, or to expect him/her to accept another person in to your love life. Relationships still have the same rules.


Myth: Bisexual people are just playing around, they can choose to be straight
Fact: Can a gay person “choose” to be straight? Can I choose to have a different eye colour? You don’t choose your sexual orientation, you just feel it, be you straight, gay or bi. There’s a difference between being straight and falling in love with a person of the opposite sex and being bi and doing so. In the latter case, this doesn’t mean that they aren’t attracted to people of the same sex still or that they aren’t bisexual. You aren’t turned straight.


Myth: Bisexual people are just denying that they are gay
Fact: Being bisexual is different to being lesbian or gay. However, because your sexuality can change over time, it is possible to be bisexual for a while and then to be gay or straight. But most consider themselves bisexual for their whole lives and they tend not to change the category from one relationship to the next.


Myth: Bisexuality is only a phase.
Fact: Is being straight only a phase? Is being gay only a phase? For years the gay community has challenged heterosexuals who publicly state that homosexuality is only a phase. Bisexuals face the same generalization from both the gay and straight community. Many bisexuals are completely in touch with their emotions and desires for members of both sexes and often feel limited by the thought of attraction to only a man or woman. Emotional connections often take precedence when bisexuals pursue a potential partner. Bisexuality is just as much of a natural preference as homosexuality and heterosexuality.


Myth: Bi people have to choose to be either straight or gay
Fact: Bisexuals are attracted to both men and women on both an emotional and physical level. Some “lean straight” (meaning they prefer a member of the opposite sex, but same sex partners are always an option) and others “lean gay” (which means they prefer members of the same sex, but would consider a relationship with a member of the opposite sex). Nonetheless, they are not simply gay or straight and definitely do not have to choose.


Myth: Bisexual people are sexually confused.
Fact: A common misconception in both the gay and heterosexual communities is that bisexuals are sexually confused and cannot make up their minds which sex they like. However, that’s the whole point- bisexuals are attracted to both sexes and are in many cases more clear about their sexuality than most others.


Myth: Bisexual people will never marry.
Fact: Alongside the thought that bisexual men and women are sexually confused is the myth that they will never be able to settle on a partner of any sex. In many cases bisexuals put a lot of emphasis on emotional connections with either sex. This in mind, the opportunity for them to find a life partner is just as viable as it is for a heterosexual or homosexual. However, since same-sex marriage isn’t legal in most places of the world, only a heterosexual marriage in most places will be recognized by law.


Myth: Bisexual people are sexually promiscuous.
Fact: Bisexuals are no more promiscuous than any others. Promiscuity (or frequent sex with multiple partners) depends on the individual irrespective of their sexual preference. However, liking both sexes increases a bisexual’s chances of a sexual encounter or potential relationship (by shear numbers alone).


Myth: Bisexual people spread sexually transmitted diseases.
Fact: Bisexual people are no more likely to carry HIV/AIDS or other STDs than gay or straight people.
Another one I saw someplace or other (about me) was that since I had some failed relationships with females, I “turned gay”. Now that’s a load of ignorant crap that doesn’t deserve any further thought.
“It is important to remember that bisexual, gay, lesbian, and heterosexual are labels created by a homophobic, biphobic, heterosexist society to separate and alienate us from each other. We are all unique; we don’t fit into neat little categories. We sometimes need to use these labels for political reasons and to increase our visibilities.”

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=221x51233

[Matsubara]

41. Thanks for posting that excellent info. I lost gay friends too.

When I started dating, then moved in with my present wife, several of them wanted nothing more to do with me. Not that they ever said anything out loud, they just suddenly avoided me.

I did keep a few gay friends, but they were more free-thinker types who were not deep into the "mainstream" gay community.

I think part of what makes gay people uncomfortabl with bis is the perception that we might validate the fundie claim that "it's a choice". But that's a superficial view. Bi people have no more choice in being bi than gay or straight people have in their oriencation. yesh, if we settle down, we have to make a choice of partner, and I guess society expects us to look at that partner and use their gender to define our sexuality, and just say at that point "I'm straight" or "I'm gay", because it's more convenient for their competing agendas for everyone to be neatly pigeonholed.

Thanks again for the excellent post.

[ClassWarfare2008]

55. I thought the obvious joke was

"Of course I'm bisexual! Now I have a 50% better chance of a date for Saturday night."

(I never said it was an obvious GOOD joke)

[Withywindle]

35. I'm glad you brought this up because I have very conflicted feelings about this.

I'm bi, leaning straight - so since most of my relationships have been with men, it's easy for me to be mistaken for straight if I don't announce my orientation to everyone I meet, which I don't. Frankly, I'm wary of heterosexual privilege, and I know that I sort of live in a world in which I have it, and I feel uncomfortable claiming "queer cred." On the other hand, to meekly let people assume I'm straight does a great disservice to the amazing women I have loved in the past and very well might love in the future. They can all too easily become "invisible" in people's perceptions--the same way my Latina mom can be come "invisible" in people's perception of my "whiteness" because in genetic roulette I inherited my dad's much lighter complexion. I don't like that.

So yeah, I'm bi and proud, and always have been as far as I can remember. Although very generally speaking men as a whole tend to trip my wires harder, I wouldn't kick an awesome hottie soulmate out of bed just for being female anymore than I would for having red hair even though my usual "type" is brunettes. If that makes any sense.

[Matsubara]

42. Another excellent point.

Since marrying and having kids, it's easy for me to just blend in and be quiet, and for the most part I do, because my sexuality really only defines a miniscule part of who I am.


I don't face the same social challenges that an out gay (or gay-leaning bi) person would, but I do remember them from when I did date guys, so my sympathies will always be with the LGBT community. I lost a very close friend to gay-bashing, and because of that experience, I will never define myself as 'straight'. I don't go around offering up the info apropos of nothing, but if asked, I will never lie about it.

[blm]

36. Bi here, and enjoying it without being called a liar for it for over 25 years.

But maybe things are more cynical today among younger people than they were during the freer love periods of 70s and 80s.

[hang a left]

38. nt

[BlooInBloo]

39. Here's one!

[porphyrian]

40. I'm pretty solidly hetero, but I did meet a guy who was pretty enough to kiss.

Never did, though. Like I said, pretty solidly hetero.

And it is pretty obnoxious how some people obsess over the sexuality of other people.

[romantico]

44. I have often thought about

creating a bisexual message board. I have met SO MANY other bisexuals online but none in my everyday life. I am lucky because most of my gay friends are understanding towards my situation, but I don;t think they fully understand us. I had feelings towards a couple at the same time. One was male the other was female. Feelings were different but the same. No one could relate what I was going through and thought I was "Just confused". Gays feel the heat from heterosexuals but I hear it from the homosexuals and the heterosexuals.It really is comforting for me to find others like me. I am single and tell people I want a decent loving caring person to spend the rest of my life with. Thats all I want. Doesn't matter if they are staright,gay,or bisexual. Doesn;t matter if the are male or female. In my opinion love does recognize religion,politcs or gender.The way I look at it,when we die and leave our bodies our love goes with us. To limit ourselves to just one gender seems pointles in my opinion.

I went out yesterday with a friend of mine who is a heterosexual male to run some errands. I saw so many hot girls I was checking them out and my friend was all into it. But I also saw some really hot guys and he just had no idea what to make of it. He said to me he will NEVER get use to that about me. Never.He didn't mean to be cruel, but I felt sad. I had the exact feelings for both. I admire the human body and can appreciate both. Thta just freaks most my straight friends out.My friend said he could deal with it of I were gay and was loking at all the hot guys, but the girls as well. Its just too weird for him.

Like I said, I would love to start a message board or group, I just don't have the time.

[BlooInBloo]

46. Is it common for gay folks to look at bi folks as gay-but-scared-to-admit-it or something?

[Toasterlad]

50. Very Much So

It's extremely common to assume that bisexuals are just homos who aren't ready to "go all the way". Partly because it's sometimes true (it's very common for people just coming out - especially older people - to come out as bi first, and then all-the-way gay as they become more comfortable), but I think mostly it's the same problem that many straight people have with homosexuality. It's very difficult for me, a gay man, to understand bisexuality. I can't imagine being attracted to women, under any circumstances. Therefore, it's easier for me to understand heterosexuality than bisexuality...you're attracted to one sex, period. I'm not saying I don't believe it EXISTS (I've met too many bisexual people to believe they're ALL just "confused"), I just don't understand it. Luckily, it isn't necessary for me to understand it; just to accept it (and realize it has nothing to do with me). It would be nice if more HETEROsexuals felt that way about HOMOsexuals. :hippie:

[BlooInBloo]

53. Gotcha - thx.

[Matsubara]

51. Some gays do that.

Not all. It seems like gays don't mind a bi person who stays with a person of the same gender. It's when we settle down with a person of the opposite sex that some of them they see it as "switching sides" or "going back in the closet".


But honestly, it would be WAY easier for a lot of us to "go back in the closet" than to be openly bi, because there are people on either side of us that have a problem with it.


But when I was a teen, I had these feelings, and people pretty much told me that I had to come out as gay, like there were only these two choices.

But as time went by, I did feel I was different than most of my gay friends. I didn't "know I was different from a very early age". I looked at Playboy/Penthouse when I was a kid and got off on them. It wasn't until my teens that I developed curiosity about the same sex, and my interest in girls never died out either. I had girlfriends that were shocked when I made passes at them on nights out because they just assumed I was gay. What can I say, I like beautiful, kind, attractive people. It's all in the eyes, not the 'equipment' for me.

[BlooInBloo]

54. Sorta the neither-fish-nor-fowl problem.

[Matsubara]

48. delete.

nt

[Matsubara]

49. That's great that you are as open as you are.

When I admire beautiful people of either sex, I either do it silently or keep my comments free of sexually suggestive language. Well because of the reasons you mentioned, and the fact that I'm married and, although we all "look", I did pledge my love to one person.

But I totally get where you're coming from.

:hug:

[porphyrian]

52. Oh man, I bet that got weird (with the couple).

As I'm sure you know or have figured out, there's a lot of baggage (real and imaginary) hetero and hetero-ish guys fear having to carry if they cross that line, so they mostly would rather not, and tend to "over-steer" away from it. What're you gonna do?

I'm firmly convinced that sexuality occurs along a spectrum from gay to straight (or straight to gay), with most people falling somewhere in between, though most probably fall closer to one of the ends (or so it seems in a society with basically only two acknowledged sexes). It would be nice if people would just admit and accept this so we could move on from all the crazy hangups. But, then, it would be if nice any difference weren't seen as a flaw in our society. (sigh)

Good luck. Don't get beat up or catch anything you can't get rid of. Maybe we'll see a more enlightened world in our lifetimes (but don't hold your breath).

And, I haven't even looked, but there might be a DU forum for bisexuals. If not, I'm sure one could get started, if there's enough interest.

Edit: omitted "if"

[romantico]

56. It did get weird

We're no longer friends. The girl tried to be friends and the guy thought I was trying to break them up so I could jump his bones or something. I think women are alot more mature about these things than guys. Just from my own personal experience. Like I said, she tried to be friends but stopped returning my emails and calls. She is now married but if I saw either of them somewhere I think I'd just turn the other way and ignore them. They both seemed okay with it at first,but then just turned and I got hurt. I try not to be too harsh on them because they were young and not use to this sort of thing,but I feel they could have handled things differently. They ended up gossiping about to friends and almost making fun of me. All the friends we had took sides, and none were on my side. I was just a sexually confused deviant in their eyes. I did not end well.

[Matsubara]

58. That's terrible.

:hug: People can be nasty in the face of things they don't understand.

[porphyrian]

60. Aw, that's fucked up. Just realize that it's their problem, not yours.

Best that you don't try to hang around with people like that, anyway.

Aside from that one guy I would've kissed (nothing happened) and some childhood experimentation, I've never really had any homosexual experiences. The closest I came to one was a sort of impromptu mini-orgy with a bunch of my friends, but we were all tripping balls, drunk and high. All of my attention was on this one girl I had been wanting to do. I'm not sure I even got it up.

People need more sex, dammit. Bad things happen the more we stifle it.

[Matsubara]

57. "Don't get beat up or catch anything you can't get rid of."

Um, you do realize that bisexuals are not necessarily any more promiscuous than anyone else?

I personally went 3 years totally celibate (I don't count Rosey Palm as a partner)...

I think I've had about a half-dozen partners in my whole life, but of the thousands of times I've "done it", 99.5% of them were with my wife.





Maybe you didn't mean anything insulting by that remark, but I did want to get that out there.

[porphyrian]

61. Um, yes. Assume much?

I know I'm an asshole, but does everyone have to fucking assume the worst in everything I fucking post every fucking time?!

[Darkseid69]

59. Sometimes I wish I was bi

double my choices

[Matsubara]

62. It blows my mind that anyone of any gender...

...could look at a Liv Tyler or an Adam Levine (Maroon 5) and not go weak in the knees.

Beauty and charisma know no gender.

[BlooInBloo]

64. LOL! All the categories have blown minds then - there ya go! heeheehee