"I am so ashamed."

[Contrary1]

That's what the man said to me at the gas station tonight. I thought at first that he was lost and embarrassed to be asking for directions, and asked him. He replied that he only wished that was the problem. He was 40 miles from home, his tank was empty, and he had no money.

He was dressed nicely, and the little girl in the car seat looked clean and well-nourished. She was busy playing with a doll, oblivious to the fact that her dad was asking for help.

It's impossible, when put on the spot like that, to know if one is being played, or if a person is truly in need. I pulled out $3. and gave it to him. He thanked me over and over again, and I actually saw a tear in his eye. It was at that moment I decided I could spare a bit more, and so I did.

Was the man out of work? Was he homeless? Did he spend any extra money he might have had on Christmas gifts the beautiful little girl in the back seat? Or, was I being played? For a second, I wondered if he was a Republican, but dismissed that as unimportant.

How many out there are so desperate they are willing to ask strangers for help? How many hundreds of thousands of good people are falling through the cracks right now? Their income indicates they don't qualify for assistance, and yet they have no money after paying for housing, groceries and prescriptions?

My husband and I both have extended family members who know how to "play the system". Nieces, nephews, and cousins who are content to suckle at the teat of welfare, even though they are physically able to hold a job. They prefer to live on food stamps and ADC, and always land on their feet somehow.

But, it's people like the man I encountered tonight that I am truly worried about. America, supposedly the richest and most powerful country in the world...and yet, we have people begging for help.

It saddens me.

[Hoof Hearted]

1. It doesn't really matter if you were being played, only that your actions were

exactly correct. Compassion is always the better answer.

:hug:

[demosincebirth]

7. Exactly

[shireen]

22. agreed 100%

we can't know for sure if they're scamming us or not. Just got to give them the benefit of the doubt and help.

If they're scammers, maybe they'll be haunted by guilty nightmares ... forever and ever. :evilgrin:

[roguevalley]

29. You never err on the side of compassion. Its like they say, be

kind to everyone because you never know when you will meet an angel.

[alterfurz]

27. agree completely!

In BushAmerica, the followers of "Republican Jesus" would prefer that 99 in need go without so that one undeserving be denied, or even that 99 innocents be sacrificed so that the guilty one not go unpunished...pretty much the opposite of what the New Testament teaches!

[in_cog_ni_to]

2. Thank you so much for helping him. It's people like you you give me hope and who will save this

country.:hug: Thank you.

[babylonsister]

3. I'm so cynical, but I'm glad you helped.

I'm pretty sure I would have also if I could have.

Years ago, when times were much better, I saw a man in a cashmere coat sitting in the out exit at a casino, with his SO nearby looking disgusted. I always wondered.

I imagine it's a lot worse now, but I don't live in a city so don't see much other than occasional instances.

And I'm glad you offered your hand and heart; I'm sure you helped.

[iamjoy]

4. I Almost Never Give Money

to people like that. I'm ashamed to admit, I am afraid. I am afraid if I reach into my wallet, I will be robbed while I am distracted. I don't care if they want to drink, but...

What I have done when I know I am going somewhere homeless people are likely to be is pull a couple of bucks out of my purse in advance. I can then hand it to them without having to be distracted.
Another thing I have done is handed them food (when travelling, I always carry granola bars with me and they are in an easy to get to pocket). I was so horrified the time I saw a young man digging through the garbage at the Eurail station. He had to have truly been hungry. So you see, it is not just America. Anyway, I gave the guy one of my granola bars. He looked at it with curiosity, but ate it.

When I was visiting Las Vegas last year one guy actually had a sign that says, "I'll be honest, I want the booze." My stepfather thought it was so funny, he dropped a few bucks for him. My stepfather won't give if he sees them smoking, though.

[shireen]

23. i keep bundles of $3 bills in my car

so i don't have to reach into my purse and open my wallet. Now that you've raised that point, i should keep a few $3 bundles in my outside purse pocket -- it's safer than opening up my wallet, and I am still able to give them something with some peace of mind.

[sandnsea]

5. Most states make people work

Where do you live that anybody is allowed to "suckle at the teat of welfare"?

[Lex]

8. That was mostly a repuke-fed myth to begin with.

The "welfare queen" racist BS and all of that was an attempt to kill social programs altogether.

[Contrary1]

9. I live in Indiana...

My cousin has 4 children by 3 different fathers. No high school diploma. She never lasts more than a few weeks at a job, either from not showing up, or making some bone-headed mistake, the last one being that she didn't clear out a previous credit card on the register, so that the next couple purchases were charged to that person's account.

She gets Aid for Dependent Children, and food stamps. Her oldest is 18, also did not graduate from HS, and is going to trade school on taxpayer's money. The father of two of her children was deported back to Guatemala, so no help there. The fourth...she doesn't know who the father is.

Right now, they are living in government subsidized housing. She will most likely be evicted soon, since she is not working. She will then depend on family and friends as to living arrangements, until she finds another minimum paying job. Then the cycle will repeat itself. She is 35 years old, and has been doing this for years.

The niece in Missouri lives a similar lifestyle. Claims she cannot work due to back pain, she was denied disability, because doctors cannot find any reason for it. At least this one gets some support for the older child, and her parents help out some too. She is 38. To my knowledge, she has held only 5 jobs since she graduated from high school.

There are others I could tell you about, but these two are the most glaring examples of needed improvement in how the welfare system is run.

[sandnsea]

13. Here's a report on Indiana's reform

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/opre/welfare_employ/in_welfare/reports/indiana5year/ind_5toc.html

Maybe the problem is in the help they took away from welfare recipients, not the little bit they're left with. There is a 5 year limit on TANF, there's no such thing as Aid to Dependent Children anymore. There are also work requirements, some states even have requirements that children are in school. Most people encourage any kind of education. It is also not possible for her to just not know who a father is and collect benefits, unless she is literally saying the father was a complete stranger and she didn't even know his name. They require DNA tests.

The welfare system has changed a lot since the 80's.

[kineneb]

15. could be underlying mental illness

that causes her to sabotage herself. I know of a similar person, who is probably suffering from undiagnosed bipolar disorder (one of her sons has been diagnosed with it).

I always figure that, all in all, it is cheaper for society to continue supporting such people, rather than throw them in jail. Creative bribery, of a sort. Some folks are just losers.

[emilyg]

6. When in doubt

err on the side of kindness.

[liberalmuse]

10. That was a good thing you did.

You never know if the person is sincere or not, but think the Buddhist idea of giving away or letting go is a good thing to do. It always comes back to you, too, even though I'm sure you weren't even thinking of that when you opened your heart. :)

[CorpGovActivist]

11. The Holiday Hope...

... you may have given him in the process may have been a lifesaver.

:hug:

You did a very good thing.

- Dave

[Dhalgren]

12. You did the right thing. If he was "playing you", then that is on his head,

not yours. You did a really good thing. I am proud of you and I am glad you're here.

:toast:

:hug:

[Guaranteed]

14. So...what would you have done if his hair was long and dirty and

his clothes weren't so nice?

What if he didn't have the little girl with him?

[Contrary1]

16. To be honest...

I did the same thing a couple months ago. The man was not so well-dressed, and neither was the little girl he was holding hands with. He approached me outside a grocery store. Same story. He did have not any money, he had no gas, and his little girl was hungry.

I watched him for a while after I gave him some money. He walked around the parking lot and talked with a few other people. He went across the street. I was hoping that he was going into the Wendy's...but he didn't. So, I don't know what this man used my money for. I saw no evidence that he even had a car. However; I did see that small child holding his hand as they walked.

That was enough.

Edit to add:
I don't tend to judge people as to how they are dressed. If you were to run into me, you would never think that I own my home with no mortgage, with no other debt. I get my hair "done" about 3 times a year. I would guess that I could appear as a "person in need", if I wanted to. I usually wear faded blue jeans, and whatever else is clean, as does my husband. We seldom buy new clothing. We spend as little as possible. And we have enough...unlike so many others.

[Cronus Protagonist]

17. I know a man who did that for a living

He hates to work, so he sells drugs and when he's a little short, he takes the kids out in the car and does the exact same thing this guy did to you. When the person offers to fill the tank, his is nearly empty - of course he never tells the mark that he lives only three blocks away, and he gets his tank filled for free. If they give him cash, he takes it, waits until they're gone and hits another mark. He used to get about $40 to $60 an hour doing this and this was how he got his drug money in between welfare checks. He finally got busted for selling drugs and spent 3 years in the slammer and his kids are all fucked up now.

So there you go, who knows if this was the same scam or an authentic plea? What people should know, however, is that there absolutely are people out there who will do this to rip you off.

[Contrary1]

18. I know that...

but this man asked me if gas was cheaper down the street at Walmart. I didn't know. It was $3.01 for regular where we we were at, and I was leaving; he was at the pump.

I wish him well, no matter what.

[proud patriot]

19. Thank You For helping him

perhaps he will pay it forward when he's able :)

[Yuugal]

20. Good work

If I have money, I'll always give. I've probably been scammed but I don't care. Not giving if you have it is like the death penalty; the times you get it right don't make up for the times you guess wrong. If some of them were scamming it was still money well spent.

If you are religious perhaps that was God you just gave to. If Karma is your thing it will come back to you. If you're just a good human then you are already in heaven. Either way you rock, hard.



:yourock:

[Raksha]

21. I never worry about whether I'm being played in situations like that.

I figure if a person is desperate enough to ask a stranger for money, it isn't my judgment call whether he or she "really" needs it. Sometimes it's impossible to determine anyway. So I give them whatever I can spare...and I'm on a fixed income myself! But I've been broke too, and occasionally desperate enough to ask a stranger to help me out. So I know what it feels like.

[OneBlueSky]

25. that's my approach as well . . . if I'm "being played," so be it . . . n/t

.

[blogslut]

24. There was this woman that came up to me 20 years ago

She was in an underground parking area I passed on the way to the grocery store. I had no car. I was a new mother, struggling for every single penny. I was in fact, on my way to buy baby formula. (My child was born premature and after three months in hospital, breast-feeding was a long lost option.) She came up to me, a little bit scared but also desperation and a touch of rage in her eyes. She asked if I could spare $6.99 for baby formula. It was evident that she had been staking me out. She knew I bought formula from the grocery store. She knew that I knew the stuff cost $6.99 a can. It was also the first of the month. I hesitated for a moment but I gave her the money. I can't remember if it was exact change but it was close. She took it and said "thank you" and left. No drama. No gushing.

After that, I kept what little extra I had, readily available for her. She showed up once a month, every month until I moved out of that place and back to my home town. No grand conversations. No smiles. Just a quick exchange between us. Her face still haunts me. She reminds me that there, but for the grace of god, go I.

As I have mentioned on here before, I got damned emotional at the grocery store when last year, I finally looked at the prices for baby formula today. The same brand that I used to buy for $6.99 now costs over $20.00. Fucking powdered baby formula - twenty dollars a can.

Now, when I donate to food banks, I buy powdered baby formula. For me. For her. For all the desperate poor mothers. I can't buy much because I'm not that well-off. It sickens me that it costs so much. It sickens me that anyone has to beg for food.

If she was scamming me, I don't give a damn.

[Little Star]

26. Good on You! I've done this when I knew that I was

being scammed (much to my hubby's dismay). I told him, I don't mind if I am scammed this time for booze. I had a choice and I choose to be scammed. That was the only time I've felt so sure I was being scammed, all the other times I felt the people really needed help. Scam or no scam the choice to give is my choice!

[rhett o rick]

28. The fear of being "scammed" is the rationalization use by those that

don't want to help. I volunteer at a food bank and am saddened when some of my friends/family can't wait to ask if I think that undeserving people get food there. I answer that there may be a few but the important thing is to help those that need it.

My point here is that people that don't help, for what ever reason, rationalize that they are not helping because they might get scammed. We only give out three days worth of food to a family per month.

[sicksicksick_N_tired]

30. Even in America, there are so many just trying to survive the best way they can.

Your extended family members included.

I sincerely appreciate your act of compassion.

[GreenPartyVoter]

31. We were almost in that man's shoes yesterday. And, yeah, for us it was a lack of income for

the past few weeks and buying the kids Xmas presents.

Thank you for helping someone in need! :hug:

[butterfly77]

32. The problem with america is that...

they don't seem to see the welfare that goes to lobbyist and $400.00 screwdrivers, roads and bridges to no where..