Brian Williams: Gentlemen, each of you has claimed that you would be more aggressive than your competitors, as well as your Democratic opponents, in your role as Commander-in-Chief. Specifically, into which century would you bomb Iran? Governor Huckabee?
Mike Huckabee: Oh, I think bombing them back to the nineteenth century would do the trick, and I promise to do it as soon as I'm elected. With Chuck Norris as my Secretary of Defense, I figure it'll take about two weeks.
(applause)
Brian Williams: Please...we warned you to hold your applause and we're not going to warn you again. Continuing...Governor Romney?
Mitt Romney: I think Governor Huckabee's position is exactly the wrong position to take. I think you have to send a real message to the evildoers by bombing them back to at least the 14th century. Any shred of modernity in that part of the world leaves America vulnerable to attack by radical extremist varmints. But as much as I disagree with my colleagues up here on the stage tonight, I fear what a General Hillary Clinton would do more. She clearly hasn't gotten the message yet that peace is off the table.
(applause)
Brian Williams: Those who just applauded are being Tasered by Tim Russert as we speak. I dare you to try it again, people. Senator McCain?
John McCain: My friends, all of my colleagues up here tonight---with the exception of that squeaky Libertarian over there who's raised ten times more money than me---have many strengths. But I believe they're being too lenient on Iran. At an absolute minimum, you need to bomb them back to the 1200s. But I want to stress, my friends, that I would do everything in my power to ensure that we only use the smaller nukes in our arsenal. We want to level the place without being mean-spirited about it. I know many in my party disagree about using such a light touch, but sometimes being a Maverick means making unpopular choices. Have I mentioned in the last five minutes that the surge is working? It is, my friends. And it was all my idea.
(Clap Clap Clap...)
Brian Williams: I'll now ask the audience to eat the gentleman who just applauded. Quickly please, as we're running out of time. Thank you. Please dispose of the bones in the trash can as you leave the auditorium, and I trust this will be the last outburst of the evening. Mayor Giuliani?
Rudy Giuliani: I'd bomb 'em back to the year nine eleven. I was in the middle of nine eleven, y'know. You weren't there on nine eleven...
Brian Williams: Actually I was there.
Rudy Giuliani: Well, you were there but you weren't
there there. I was literally
there there. In fact, I was the only person on the scene for most of the day. I hoisted more girders to save more people than anyone. And my first act as president, besides bombing Iran back to nine eleven, will be to give myself the Medal of Freedom for nine eleven. I may give myself two. And one for Judith of course. She's sitting in the audience but she's also on my cellphone right now. Hello dear. I love you but I'm debating right now. Kissy kissy kissy! Daddy's got a present for you later tonight, oh yes he does. Mumumumumum...
(Stone cold silence}
Brian Williams: Congressman Paul?
Ron Paul: You guys call me the crazy one???
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2008/1/25/8548/66095/527/442903
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