Richard Daughty, the angriest guy in economics -- World News Trust
Feb. 28, 2007 -- Total Fed Credit, the magical fairy-dust stuff of which money is instantly made when it is borrowed from a bank, bumped up last week by $4.5 billion, taking us to $851.7 billion. That comes out to about $8,517 for every non-government worker, like me, in the country!
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-- To lighten the mood, I now turn to a report from the Mogambo Inter-Galactic News Service (MIGNS), from whence comes the news that Earthlings are now, again, officially, the most stupid race of beings in this galaxy. The title was wrested from us (by an ugly species of what looked, to me, like a bunch of slugs with tentacles) on Tri-Gamma Nebulon that tried to use phlegm and slime (of which they had plenty!) as currency.
Well, without getting too much into the ugly subsequent details, let me just sum it up by saying that once that revolting floodgate of almost-unlimited money was opened, it was off to the inflationary races, and soon they had to resort to using other bodily wastes as sources of more money, which about where I lost all interest in the whole report, as the photos were plenty disgusting enough: Tentacles, disgusting liquids and repulsive unidentified glistening semi-solid globs everywhere! As my children say whenever I take off my shoes, "Ewwww! Gross!"
A nyway, soon swimming in phlegm, slime and various bodily wastes, they soon switched to a "fiat excretions and fractional-reserve banking" scheme. That's when their inflationary fate was sealed, and now comes the news that their economy has just collapsed. Game Over Player One.
On a happier note, Earthlings can now be justifiably proud of being the most stupid beings in this whole quadrant, as they have worked so hard for the honor at keeping this same essential scheme going. On this planet, of course, we use also fiat currencies and fractional-reserve banking, but now with (fanfare of trumpets) derivatives, which has just as much "Ewww! Gross!" factor when you are attuned to the cosmic vibrations of the Universal Laws Of Economics. Ommmm.
Of course, Earth will suffer the same disgusting, horrifying inflationary results as the slug-people, only here, at least, you are not up to your knees in filthy, stinking crap, which was, according to the Official Judge's Scoring Report, the only thing that kept us from winning in the first damned place.
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