Potential Employee Uprising Quelled With Free Pizza

[Ichingcarpenter]

NEW YORK—A massive employee backlash over low wages and increased workload was narrowly averted this week when company management arranged to have eight large pizzas delivered to the design firm Cobalt Media, instantly quelling months of mounting resentment and dissatisfaction.

The pizzas—topped with pepperoni, mushroom, and extra cheese—effectively cooled down the angry mob, which had reportedly reached its boiling point. According to Cobalt sources, the free Italian pies arrived approximately 20 minutes after a company-wide e-mail detailing upcoming cutbacks was sent out late Friday morning.

"Everyone's been fed up and ready to explode at management for weeks," production designer Carolyn Wurster said. "But then all those pizzas showed up, and it just didn't seem like the right time to start demanding a legitimate healthcare plan or salary raises that reflect the amount of work we do."

Added Wurster, "They ordered like 10 huge pies."

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/potential_employee_uprising

[alfredo]

1. Next thing you know they will get a $300 rebate.

[Selatius]

2. The workers should form a labor union. It's totally apparent these workers are pissed.

Pizzas won't change the fact that workers are unhappy and under-appreciated.

[TheDebbieDee]

6. Oooooops! I didn't catch that this was an Onion article til after I posted.

[AlCzervik]

3. nice.

i love the Onion.

[high density]

4. I know this is The Onion, but a bank I used to work at actually did BS like this

They would have us pull an all nighter (e.g. after a computer failure) and then the next morning they'd buy us breakfast as if that would make everything better.

[Ichingcarpenter]

7. Who hasn't experienced this?

I've seen cocaine offered back in the 80s to get a construction job done
plus pizza. Still no benefits or double time.

[gateley]

8. Cocaine + Pizza. Odd combo. nt

[Ichingcarpenter]

9. I took the Pizza not the coke

We had worked 12 hours straight to finish a project.

[Deja Q]

14. Quite. I tried snorting pizza once... not quite the same effect.

:shrug:

[Berry Cool]

10. It's the least they could do.

Then again, I'd expect that at my next performance review, the fact that I worked during the all-nighter would be remembered and duly considered in the decision as to whether or not to give me a raise or a bonus.

[Fuzz]

13. Bank?! They LOVE to do shit like that.

Oh yes. I'm quite familiar.


grrrr

[Cleita]

5. Reminds me of the time we went out on strike at a company I

worked at. The management hired caterers to lure strikers to cross the picket line to work with free hot lunches and other perks. It worked too. The upside was, when we did go back to work, those scabs were the first the management laid off when business was slow because they had no union protection anymore.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

11. wouldn't work for me -- I'm allergic to tomatoes.

And the daughter of a union man.

he coined the term "suckbutt" for the guys who get promoted after the management tells them "You're too good to be in a union -- you're management material".

[crimsonblue]

12. let them eat pizza....

damn it. i was hoping this was real....