Why gay equality means equality and not special rights

[foreigncorrespondent]

I am so tired of seeing people say as a gay person in this world I have the same rights as everyone else. That is a myth. If I was born straight, I would have the same rights as everyone else, but because I am born queer, I am robbed of the same rights as everybody else.

Granted, being in Australia, I actually do have a few more rights under my belt, than my queer brothers and sisters currently enjoy in the U.S. The only thing I am likely to never have the right to enjoy here is marriage. John Howard saw to that when he wrote discrimination into our constitution banning any and all recognition of same sex marriage.

7 years ago I met a wonderful American woman. We fell head over heels for one another, hard and fast.

After a wonderful honeymoon period, in 2002 I was the partner who had to face coming back to Australia, and she was the partner who had to face the grim reality that after putting me on a plane I wouldn't be there when she returned home.

For the next 5 years our reality was, with each passing year, we had no idea when we would see each other. Each year someone would help us financially fund a trip for her to come here to Australia, just so we could enjoy a 4 week period together. But even that generosity couldn't last.

It is very costly to pay for trips to Australia, and last year we faced the grim reality of not actually seeing each other at all. And now, due to relationship break down, we won't be seeing each other again.

Every single day somewhere in the United States queer binational couples face this reality. Is there relationship going to be able to survive the distance/the borders/the finance it takes to be together even for four weeks a year?

Every single day, somewhere in the United States a gay person who has been loved by another, is laying in a hospital bed. They are dying and they know it, but their family is bigoted and never supported this dying persons relationship because it wasn't "normal." The last thing this dying person sees isn't this persons lover, but the faces of the people who kept his/her lover from seeing them. The very people who saw this person as not being "normal."


Come tax time in the United States you can guarantee that there is a same sex couple somewhere struggling with the grim reality of trying to raise the money to pay two separate tax bills, because their relationship isn't recognized as being a valid relationship by taxation laws.

Right now, somewhere in the United States a gay couple is having a baby. They face the grim reality that their family will not be recognized as a family by many including the government, because their family doesn't fit the nuclear definition of what a family is.

Right now somewhere in the United States a gay person is being forced by family to attend an "ex gay" group to go through the process of having their "illness cured" because people (including people in government) believe this person isn't "normal" because this person doesn't fit the biblical definition of what a "normal" person is all about.

Quite possibly right now in the United States a gay person is in the fight for his/her life because he/she is being beaten to death by bigots. These bigots will later come to claim "gay panic" in a court of law. This beating will be seen by many as the right thing to do because it rids the world of one more "fagot"/dyke. Hence saving the children from being "brainwashed" into an "immoral" way of living. When really, this crime should be seen as a hate crime, because it was hate that lead to this person being beaten. There is no other reason for it.

So tomorrow when you are faced with the reality of having to kiss your partner goodbye at the door as they leave for work, that one of your fellow citizens is kissing their partner goodbye at the airport, not knowing when they will next be together.

So tomorrow when you are faced with the grim reality that your partner is laying in a hospital bed dying, be thankful that there isn't a single person out there who can keep you from being with that person one more time. Then look in the bed next to your partner, that person could be a gay person who is surrounded by people who kept his/her partner from being with them one last time.

When you and your husband/wife file tax this year, and only have to struggle with paying the one bill, remember there is a gay couple out there who are going to struggle with trying to raise the money to pay two.

So if you have kids or when you have kids be grateful in the knowledge that your family fits the nuclear definition of what a family is, and that you will get to enjoy so much more than the family living next door to you with either two mommies or two daddies.

And be grateful the next time you see an "ex gay" group out there telling the world that "homosexuality can be cured" that you will never have to face going through the same torture and brainwashing process to be rid of your heterosexuality.

Be thankful that the next time you wish to talk about your belief as to why queers shouldn't marry, are not "normal", etc, that it isn't the queers that are in majority and not in the position of giving you the same treatment you give us.

[xchrom]

1. but if we would just be celibate -- then there wouldn't be these problems.

:eyes:

kicking and recommending

[foreigncorrespondent]

6. Thanks, xchrom!

They may think if we were celibate there wouldn't be these problems, but hidden doesn't make it go away. ;)

[TahitiNut]

18. Works for me.

:shrug: But that's me.

[Solly Mack]

2. Thank you. Those that deny people their rights are the ones

who want special rights.


A special right would be a right others do not have...

So if you have a right other people are denied, you are the one with the special rights and if you want to deny other people that right, you are the one that wants special rights.

[foreigncorrespondent]

7. Exactly!

Couldn't have said it better myself. :)

[Bear down under]

3. The right to marry will come.

Much as he would have loved to, Howard didn't write "marriage in Australia shall consist of the union of one man and one woman" (or words to that effect) into the Constitution, but into the Commonwealth Marriage Act, which is an Act of Parliament like any other and can be amended or repealed like any other by a more enlightened Parliament. And sooner or later that will happen.

[foreigncorrespondent]

8. Maybe, maybe not!

But if it does, it won't be in my life time.

[Bear down under]

22. I'm more optimistic.

When I was a young gay liberationist, way back in the early 1970s, most of us believed (feared?) that the decriminalising of homsexual acts (aka the "detestable and abominable crime of sodomy") wouldn't happen in our lifetime, let alone that it would happen so quickly (starting with South Australia's reform of its anti-sodomy laws in 1972) much less that we would ever gain the degree of recognition of our rights that we have done, and which since the mid 1980s have included the right as an Australian citizen to sponsor the immigration of one's same-sex partner in what the Immigration Act calls an "interdependent relationship." Sure, it isn't as easy as it is for a straight couple who only have to produce a marriage certificate to prove their relationship; but the right is there nonetheless and I know several people who have exercised it.

Sure, we still have a way to go: but if someone had told me back in 1970 that within 30 years we would be in a position to claim the right to marry and have our claim debated seriously I would have told them they were dreaming... Which brings us back to the Marriage Act. I remember hearing Little Johnnie being asked in an interview a little while ago if gay marriage would ever happen in Australia, and his reply was "Not while I'm Prime Minister!" Yes, he is very homophobic -- when the law was reformed in the ACT back in 1976 he voted against the reform while the reviled Malcolm Fraser rather publically voted for it -- but he won't be Prime Minister forever; and when he goes one of the most powerful anti-gay voices in Parliament will have been silenced. The reform will come.

[bicentennial_baby]

4. ....

:hug:

:kick:

[foreigncorrespondent]

9. ...

:hug:

[truedelphi]

5. I often think of the plight that you decribe

I decided to marry almost totally becaue I trust Mark more than my Mom or my sister.
(Both of them have their "Nurse Ratchett" aspects)

I had one or two nightmares in which some awful circumstance put me in the hospital and the two of them would basically say "Well, the lobotomy seems like a good idea to us."

I cannot imagine how I would feel if I could not make the decision to marry someone because of
the Weird Philosophy that gays are not people too. Thankfully in terms of human rights I am glad I am straight. But no one should have to be straight in order to be treated properly.

[foreigncorrespondent]

10. Unfortunately...

But no one should have to be straight in order to be treated properly.

...in a world where bigots seem to be in the majority you have to be.

[truedelphi]

17. The bigots seem to forget that we all are kinky

Deep down inside.

In fact, I am always happy to meet someone whose weirdness is pretty much on the outside - whether that is the weirdness of being a small town activist fighting bigots all around them, or being gay, openly, or being a non-comformist in some major way.

I had a male relative who attempted to molest me way back when I was eleven. A man that I (till then) adored. Community leader, expert dancer, Deacon in the Episcopalean Church, the right height, the right looks -i.e., handsome, well-dressed, a Southern gentleman. Smart, funny, charming.

And a pedophile.

So in my book, you are gonna be dis-advantaged if I don't notice some fatal flaw when I first meet you. If you are too attractive, too smart, charming, well-dressed, poised etc. then I am slightly SPOOKED about getting to know you better.

[uppityperson]

11. People are people. Period. We each have differences but we are just people. k&r

We got married to be able to have legal protections, we were able to get married because 1 of us has a XY and 1 of us has a XX. Incredible that that is what it takes. I don't care about your sexual orientation, your color, your "X whatever" genes, your height, your spiritual beliefs, your anything but who you are inside, who you are as a person, as a earth citizen. There are few "shoulds" in the world, but should be that way for all.

[foreigncorrespondent]

14. It is sad...

...that there aren't more people in the world, or even in the U.S. that house the same values you do. If there were, then we would be a majority, and it would be equal for all of us.

[Morgana LaFey]

12. It's an absolute CROCK

that you have to post such an "explanation" here, of all places. Here, where it should be thoroughly understood, through and through. I'm sorry it was even a little necessary.

But it is an EXCELLENT rant, worth bookmarking for future reference. Thanks for that.

[foreigncorrespondent]

15. Thanks so much...

...for the words of encouragment. It is not often that I am told something I have written is worth bookmarking.

And it is really sad that things like this need to be said on places like what we have here. People are just people, there really is no difference, and sooner people begin realizing that the better it is for us all.

[sniffa]

13. .....

:hug: :loveya:

[foreigncorrespondent]

16. ...

:hug:

[blonndee]

19. Beautiful post, fc...

Thanks for this. :hug:

[NMMNG]

20. K&R

:applause:

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

21. K&R!!!

:hug:

:loveya:

[myrna minx]

23. What a thoughtful and beautifully expressed post.

:hug: Equal rights are equal rights.

[mentalsolstice]

24. Beautiful post

I have long believed that every person has the right to participate in and contribute to our society. In the 90s I fought hard for equal rights for the disability community. Many of my comrades in the trenches were GLBT. Their passion for the issues was fierce. Although I've known and had been friends with gays and lesbians for most of my life, it was during this time that I really gained a perspective for the inequities they suffered. Yes, this is still a country of gross inequality.