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EAT them in front of him..
I heard of a guy while I lived in Fairbanks who had a bear pull him off his bike and drag him around like a dog playing with a chewtoy BY his HEAD.. He lived, 128 stitches in his head alone, said the worst thing about it was hearing via bone conduction, the sound of the Bear's teeth scraping across his SKULL..
I've been chased by quite a few Grizzlies myself, and wrote all about it in my book, "The Jesus Bolt" a memoir which chronicals my time working out of a mobile camp where I spent 18 hours a day sampling lakes and streams for Uranium (for the Dept of Energy) IN ANWR by helicopters for two summers under the relentless midnight sun.. Even crashed in a chopper in ANWR where it took our company FOUR days to Find us, and they KNEW Where we Were!
Someone needs to hire ME to talk about the Wildlife in the Bush, as I saw every square mile of tundra east/west and north of Fairbanks by chopper and on the ground.. There are birds that fly there to reproduce from EVERY State in the USA and dozens of other countries, even the other end of the whole Planet..
In one instance, as described in my book, while the caribou were migrating South in the fall my Crew was flying over them all at over a hundred miles an hour for at least 20 minutes, and ALL we could see in that "flat as a pool table" tundra were Caribou, NOTHING BUT Caribou from horizon to horizon in every direction.. Their combined breath created Rainbows..
It was a Religious Experience, and I was changed forever by it, I've Literally Seen The Entire EARTH ALIVE..
As a matter of fact, when the caribou inhabit the North Slope along with the rest of the creatures, there is, and I'm quoting, "NO Other larger Biomass on the entire planet.." not the Amazon, ALASKA..
I wrote the book as an insane adventure tale, gonzo style, with a hint of Kerouac, a dash of Bukowski, and with all due reverence for Hemmingway - but I wrote the book to ASSIST those very "imaginary" animals being shafted by pricks like Bohner (Boner?), to instill in the Public the Spiritual Nature OF Nature.
The Jesus Bolt is that bit of metal at the top of a helicopter that keeps all the blades from flying off, so it's the running Metaphor for What HOLDS Everything Together, the Protaganist, the Planet, Eco systems.. What if the Caribou ARE the Jesus bolt of the Planet, they die off and the whole house of cards could come tumbling down...
Now if only I could score an Agent, and publisher I could go after all these Oil and blood soaked Swine.. Janeane Garofalo wrote me and told me she LOVED it, and wanted to add the concept of The Jesus Bolt to her lexicon :)
It's make a Killer movie, and kick the whole drilling in ANWR travesty to the front burner with the Public, as well as whip a little Zen, respect for the Earth on them in a way they never imagined.
Love to kick Bohner out of a chopper in the middle of ANWR with a week's worth of food and a 22 rifle (you can barely kill a bird with that, let alone a Half TON of Bear..)..
Eat shit and die Bohner, you goddam shill for Satan :)
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