Why is there no mention of the most reprehensible car ever on DU?

[jmowreader]

We all hate SUVs. That's a given.

If someone were to build an SUV that got 100mpg on its biodiesel engine, had plug-in hybrid capabilities, was made entirely from recycled materials, maintained safety standards that would make SAAB jealous, cost $10,000 and played light classical music over its built-in speakers to make bystanders happy, someone here would complain about it.

With that, and many SUVs are as bad as we claim they are, why no revulsion for the Donk?

The donk is a do-it-yourself penis extension. It was invented, according to a guy I know who has one, by rappers who'd spent too much time sitting in cop cars.

Basic instructions for building your own donk:

a. Buy an old police car. Okay, it doesn't HAVE to have been a police car; any Crown Victoria or Caprice Classic will do, but cop cars are preferred because they have really heavy-duty electrical systems for powering boomy stereos.

b. Fill the trunk with cheap-ass stereo gear that rattles on every bass note.

c. Choose a "theme." Popular themes include consumer products sold at supermarkets--there's a Starburst Fruit Chews-themed donk and a Frosted Flakes donk in Fayetteville. Have the car wrapped in a design that highlights the theme, then do up the interior to compliment the exterior.

d. Now install a set of 22-inch wheels and you're set.

And now, instead of owning an SUV that gets 15MPG and complies with emissions standards written in this century, you've got a car that gets 8MPG and complies with 1987 emissions standards.

So where's the hate, eh?

[salin]

1. Just add the hydrolic system

that gets the car to rise up in the front, then the back, then fall back down to normal height. Then you get the freak the other drivers out around you and cause accidents effect as well...

actually don't know if it is hydrolics - but whatever it is - seems to fit with the description above. Had never heard of a name for these cars (but have seen a few).

[jmowreader]

13. It's either hydraulics or airbags

Most guys airbag because it's less expensive and works as well. Easier to install too, and they don't drip fluid if the system develops a leak.

Mexicans prefer hydraulics; you can't "jump" the car with airbags so if you're building a jump car, you're doing hydraulics.

[mdmc]

2. Must be a west coast thing

:shrug:

[jmowreader]

4. More of an urban thing....

They actually started in the Southeast, but now they're nationwide.

However! If you live in a majority white area, you may have never seen a donk. I've seen dozens of these, and I've never seen one with a white guy behind the wheel. (White guys use F-350 pickups when their dicks are too short.)

[salin]

5. and add oversize wheels

so the truck sits up higher (and looks ridiculous).

[mdmc]

9. I live in an inner city - Newburgh NY

Here us poor folk drive 30 year old Sentras and stuff. You don't see too many classic cars, just old junk. Vanity SUV are also popular here.

[carlyhippy]

3. exhibit A

[Romulox]

6. LOL

[carlyhippy]

11. awww, you remembered

but mine doesn't even look even close to that....mine is more awesome

[carlyhippy]

30. Oh yeah, by the way

for reference, I don't own a 2005 Nissan Pathfinder, the pic you posted...

[Ahpook]

28. Good gosh:)

Is that those caps that keep on spinning even if the car is stopped?

Those fuckers scare me. I can't tell (for a second or two) if the person has fully stopped at a light.

Of course i am shy going through intersections since i was hit by a late runner.

[carlyhippy]

29. yep, those are spinners on the wheels

those tires as so thin....I haven't ever owned a vehicle with those type of tires, curious to know if they make the car ride rough, and how they handle in wet conditions.

[sellitman]

7. Post you fav Donk!

[Snotcicles]

20. You could go Donk'in during a flood with that one.nt

[Glorfindel]

8. Interesting..I didn't know there was a name for them

I've seen a couple of them here in the tiny south Mississippi town where I live. One of them is "Reese's Peanut Butter Cup" themed. I actually think they're quite ingenious, and I doubt that they're driven enough to affect the environment very much. :hi:

[WhollyHeretic]

10. Those poor opressed white people and their SUVs

There are probably only 10,000 SUVs per Donk in this country. Of course the Donk is the real problem!! Damn "those" people.

[KG]

14. +1

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

23. You WIN this thread. -nt

[noamnety]

34. Yep.

Everyone knows the REAL problem goes back to those "rappers" sitting in police cars so much. :eyes:

[scarletwoman]

12. I have never, ever heard of a "donk" before this very moment.

And I'm quite certain I've never seen one. I live in a rural area where the dairy cows outnumber the human population, and a lot of the local ecomony depends on tourism.

So I see plenty of SUVs, driven by the City people, clogging up our two-lane roads every weekend and riding my back bumper because they are ALWAYS in a fucking hurry. I come by my hate of SUVs and their drivers honestly.

On the other hand, I sorta doubt that any "donk" drivers own lake cabins or travel up my way to go fishing and/or hunting. I don't know if I can "hate" something I'm most likely never going to encounter. Mainly what I feel is gratitude that I left the urban life for good 20 years ago.

sw

[Warpy]

15. You can dig those things as art

because of the time and effort that went into them.

There is absolutely no art to a Ford Explorer or in your face fugly H2s. Those monstrosities are on the artistic level of Budweiser T-shirts and Thomas Kinkade paintings.

[cherokeeprogressive]

17. Budweiser T-Shirts will no longer be subject to beer snobbery.

Now that InBev and AB are combined, this place will love Bud. Afterall, InBev is traded on the Euronext exchange.

[Warpy]

19. It will still taste like carbonated cat pee

and their t-shirts are still slob art.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

21. I see.

[jmowreader]

27. Ownership isn't the problem with Budweiser

The fact it tastes like contaminated water is the problem.

[flvegan]

16. So THAT's what they're called.

I see them all the time. Hate 'em. Not so much for how silly they look, but for how unable the folks are to drive them.

[Snotcicles]

18. Is the Donk, a Shlonk you can drive around?

[MindPilot]

22. let's go a little further with that idea...

How about those truck-mounted billboards?

ATVs & snowmobiles?

RVs & motorhomes?

Personal watercraft and aircraft?

Skywriting and banner-tow planes?

Advertising blimps?

We do seem to vilify individual's cars as THE major waste de jour while completely ignoring all the other stuff.

[jmowreader]

26. Truck-mounted billboards, absolutely!

If they'd carry things in the truck while the billboard is running, that would be okay. But those trucks are just billboard; they're never used as anything else. Totally disgusting.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

24. This OP has dangerous emissions. -nt

[Pavulon]

25. To balance the uglyness..

[Catherine Vincent]

31. Trust me, I give the evil eye to every souped up car that drive

through my subdivision with that loud ass noise coming from their car. Don't get me wrong, I like my music loud just like the next guy but does everyone else around you have to hear it?

[TheFarseer]

32. I don't see much if any of that

sounds annoying from a noise standpoint. Sure, there are cars that get worse mileage than the Hummer, but Hummer is the poster child for penis-extension, urban assult vehicles. Besides, I just figured people bought old Caprice Classics because that's what they could afford.

[LeftyMom]

33. I have NEVER seen one here.

Well, I've seen old Caprices, etc with rims and beat, but no crazy paint jobs or anything. The big thing here is still rice burners- mostly because the teenage and early 20's set get hand-me-down Hondas from their moms, so all they have to do is pay for the custom bits. Increasingly, the crazier ones have graduated to crotch rockets, and I am *barely* resisting the urge to door one of the more flagrant violators of roadway etiquette (mostly because I don't want to spend the day at Pick'n'Pull getting myself a new door.)

Most of the old cop cars around here get recycled into cabs.