Late-Night Political Jokes for Dems

[Amy6627]

"The Taliban tried to blow up Dick Cheney. ... He was never in danger -- at the time of the attack, he was safely asleep in his coffin. ... I just hope that this attempt on his life doesn't turn him bitter, vicious, and paranoid." --Bill Maher

"In other slave-owning news this week ... one of Al Sharpton's ancestors was owned by one of Strom Thurmond's ancestors. But they sold him because his medallion kept getting caught in the cotton gin." --Bill Maher

"You heard about the big John McCain gaffe. He was on the David Letterman show announcing his presidential campaign, and he pulled a Joe Biden. ... He used the word 'wasted' to describe the lives lost in Iraq. Next day, he said he should have used the word 'sacrifice'. But to put it into perspective, when McCain was a prisoner in Vietnam, George Bush was wasted. Sorry, I meant to say he was sacrificing brain cells." --Bill Maher

We have received word that many hundreds of American troops are being held in deplorable, squalid conditions. What kind of people would treat our soldiers in this horrible manner? Funny story…turns out it's us. -- Jon Stewart VIDEO

"Big news from the 2008 presidential campaign. Last night, Senator John McCain -- right here on this program -- announced he's running for president. And then today, he shaved his head and checked into rehab." --David Letterman

"A new poll finds that President Bush's father, George Bush, is the most popular living ex-president. Apparently, voters were just excited to hear the words 'George Bush' next to the phrase 'ex-president.'" --Conan O'Brien

"As you know, it dropped 416 points yesterday. But enough about President Bush's approval rating." --Jay Leno, on the Dow

"Vice President Dick Cheney is safely back in Washington after an attempt was made on his life in Afghanistan. The Taliban denied they were trying to kill the vice president. They now claim it was just a hunting accident." --Jay Leno

"Last night on Fox, huge premiere of its new show 'Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader.' Or, as President Bush calls it, 'Jeopardy'" --Jay Leno

"For those of you in Washington, you may have noticed a subtle difference this week in DC: the air -- a little crisper; food -- a little more tasty; homeless people -- weren't being discovered drained of blood. It could only mean one thing: Vice President Dick Cheney was out of town." --Jon Stewart

[Richard Steele]

1. Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader.' Or, as President Bush calls it, 'Jeopardy'"

BWAHAHAHAAAAAA!!!!!!!

[Kerrytravelers]

2. These are great!

:rofl: