Parents: School district didn't protect son from bullies

[The Straight Story]

Parents: School district didn't protect son from bullies


LAKEWOOD, Ohio (AP) -- Parents have sued a suburban Cleveland school district, claiming officials did not do enough to protect their son from bullies who they accuse of causing the boy's nervous breakdown.

Mike and Kelly Wencho ask for damages of at least $50,000 in the lawsuit filed Wednesday in Cuyahoga County Common Pleas Court.

The district failed to discipline the bullies who pushed, teased and took her son's lunch while he was a sixth-grader at Harding Middle School, Kelly Wencho said.

The boy spent three days in psychiatric care in a hospital last March after being shoved against a wall at school, his mother said. The boy, who now attends a Roman Catholic school, suffered suicidal thoughts, post-traumatic stress syndrome and panic attacks, according to the lawsuit.

The lawsuit, which identifies the accused bullies as John Doe(s) and Jane Doe(s), said the bullying began in fall 2005 with taunts and threats and escalated to a "beating" in March 2006.

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/O/OH_BULLYING_LAWSUIT_OHOL-?SITE=WBNSTV&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

[ccpup]

1. good for them

the school's have gotten very lazy in dealing with what could become the very real physical threat of bullies. one shouldn't go to school afraid that they're going to be beaten up for purely arbitrary reasons ... like, the bully is bigger and can get away with it. And if the consequences are non-existent then why not just sucker punch people left and right?

[Random_Australian]

2. Mruargh! Down with bullying!

[Deja Q]

3. I can empathize and more...

Maybe if school districts gave a damn 25 years ago, (and parents *cough* *cough*), shit like this wouldn't be happening today.

Maybe if we didn't have violent entertainment encouraging such riff-raff, this wouldn't be a problem.

I really feel sorry for the victim... in ways nobody else can. His adult life is going to be painful too. Effects of what folks like him go through do not always fade over time, especially if bullying et al is frequent through one's childhood.

I'm glad his parents moved him to another school. With luck there won't be any Roman Catholic bullies...

And, yes, women can be bullies too.

Why is it schools do nothing to bullies? This "boys will be boys" tolerance shit has GOT to end.

A radio shock jock (Tom Bernard, KQRS, Minneapolis MN) currently blathers about 'natural selection' and how liberals keep the wrong people alive and that's why we have an energy crisis. :crazy: Most victims of bullies are intelligent and are targeted FOR being smart. I say shun the bullies and let the nerds grow big and strong. (of course, Bernard would be shunned as well and he won't have that... mostly because it's all he's good at doing...)

Sorry to swear.

[Counciltucky]

14. Couldn't have said it better.

And I very intimately share your pain.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

19. I, too, was bullied and teased as a child

and shunned by other children. When I was teaching school in the 70s and 80s, I had a zero tolerance policy for bullying--there was no way I was just going to stand aside like my teachers had done and let it go on. I recall when we had a special needs class next to ours, and shared recess. When I found out my kids were teasing a child with cerebral palsy, I hit the roof. I told the kids that I still remembered the pain from MY childhood--that it didn't go away--and then asked them if they had thought how their actions had effected this little boy who, if he could, "would have loved to be able to walk and run like you." I had the class crying before I was over--and those who bullied went out the next recess and sincerely made friends with the little boy. Interestingly enough, I got not one complaint from any parent about it. I think the kids knew what I had said was right.

[Counciltucky]

30. I wish you were my teacher. n/t

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

44. I wish I were too

Kindness and love and acceptance are the greatest gifts one can give. :hug:

[mentalsolstice]

79. More teachers...

and administrators could have taken your lead. Thank you for doing the right thing!

[alarimer]

63. I am in favor of hitting the bullies back

If the kid is big enough and strong enough, teach him or her some martial arts and encourage them to use it. Bullies will back down from someone who defends themselves.

[mentalsolstice]

78. No child

...should fear school so much the s/he is unable to learn!

[bluestateguy]

4. Bullying needs to be treated as a punishable crime, not a school discipline issue

A few weeks in juvie would straighten out some of these schoolyard cowards.

[John Q. Citizen]

7. Yeah, like we need more people in jail. We already lead the world. Is it working, yet?

[dsc]

9. Some people deserve to be in jail

People who steal stuff belong in jail. People who beat people up belong in jail. People who purposely humiliate their fellow students belong in jail.

[Counciltucky]

15. Prison could scare these bullies.

Not jail. PRISON. Stick a bully in a 10x10 cell with three 6'5" ex-middle school bullies named Bubba, just to really scare the little bastard straight.

[John Q. Citizen]

31. Got any data on that, or just gut reaction?

[Counciltucky]

37. Fully a gut reaction.

With a little mix of empathetic revenge.

[John Q. Citizen]

47. Thanks for your honesty. I can't for the life of me figure out how Americans

came to the place that they feel throwing away the key is a solution to every problem in life.

Some people need to be incarcerated just to protect everybody else. But I think we went way overboard a long time ago, and it's making things a lot worse instead of better.

That's my opinion.

[Counciltucky]

81. Gotta agree that prison is overused.

Though perhaps if we used it in more innovative ways like this it could help.

[hedgehog]

55. All that would do is reinforce the notion that might makes right.

Why do so many Duers seem to believe that people in prison automatically have the wisdom of Solomon when it comes to punishing other wrong doers? Isn't it more likely that the weakest get attacked than the most guilty?

[Counciltucky]

88. My thinking...

...was that prison might have a much more powerful and intimidating effect on youth than on adults.

[Forkboy]

83. Isn't that just another form of bullying?

[Counciltucky]

89. Perhaps.

The difference is, they deserve it.

[Forkboy]

103. Maybe,but that's a slippery slope

What if someone in power decides YOU deserve it :shrug:

[Counciltucky]

104. Not saying it isn't riddled with flaws.

More or less just speaking out of anger and bitterness.

Obviously, if it were to be put into law, there would be much better rationale than that.

[Forkboy]

107. I can appreciate the anger at this shit,that's for sure.

[John Q. Citizen]

26. We Americans are very bad people, which is why we have the highest per capita

incarceration rates in the world. Yes, in the world. We imprison more people per capita than Iraq under Saddam did. We incarcerate more people per capita than China does. It's because we all deserve to be in jail because we are very bad.

Do you pay taxes? If you do, you deserve to be in jail because you are paying for the murder of women and children in Iraq, Afghanistan, Columbia, etc. You could do the right thing, and stop paying for murder, but you are probably too bad a person to say no.

It doesn't seem to impact our crime rates too much, because we are such bad people that we would have to lock up about 3/4 of the country to make a dent.

Jail has solved all our problems.

It's obvious, isn't it?

[dsc]

35. Oh please

Yes we jail lots of people who shouldn't be jailed, mostly addicts. But I have zero, nada, sympathy for people who terrorize their peers at school. I was on the recieving end of crap that if an adult did it to me now he would be in jail, but since we were kids, it was "boys will be boys" or "act like a man". Why is it not a crime to beat the crap out of an 8th grader for being gay but it is a crime to beat up an adult?

[John Q. Citizen]

48. Assault is a crime no matter what the age. Yet I'm more pissed of at the

adults who allowed an unsafe school setting than I am at your tormentors. It should have never gotten that far, and that it did get that far is the fault of adults more than of your tormentors.

[dsc]

49. No it shouldn't have

but it did and still does for others. Like it or not, some people will pick on others and some of those people will only stop if they are punished by society. Thankfully it has gotten better for gays, but it still can suck to be a different kid.

[Madspirit]

72. ...a little OT but

...and why is it legal for someone to smack someone who comes up to their knees, if the smacker is called "parent" when the same thing would be assault if it was another adult. i HATE people who hit kids.

Children's advocacy is one of my BIGGEST issues. Children truly are treated like chattel.
Lee

[mondo joe]

38. Fallacious. The fact that we jail too many people does not mean there aren't

jail-worthy offenses.

[John Q. Citizen]

50. Strawman. I never claimed there aren't jail-worthy offenses. Yet if we turn

everything into a jail-worthy offense, how does that help?

[mondo joe]

52. THAT is your Strawman. No one proposed turning everything in a jail worthy

offense.

What does how many people we jail have to do with whether this is or isn't a jail worthy offense. The answer is: nothing.

[John Q. Citizen]

101. So you agrre then that

"People who purposely humiliate their fellow students belong in jail?"

Ok then.

Probation and a large fine for teasing?

Did you happen to catch the last Seinfeld episode?

I think there are better and much more productive ways to deal with the situation.

[mondo joe]

18. Fine - release the drug users and make room for the bullies. NT

[Counciltucky]

22. Don't know if you're serious or sarcastic...

...but there has been several worse ideas than that.

[mondo joe]

28. Mostly serious. I see no need for prison for drug use, or prostitution.

Bullies could use some jail time.

[Counciltucky]

36. Agreed.

Perhaps some hard labor as well.

[brentspeak]

68. 100% correct

[goddess40]

5. Thanks for the story - bullying is the reason I'm running for school board

This district thinks a few lines in the student handbook covers it, that and the principals saying that everyone should be nice at the end of the morning announcements.

I hope they don't think there isn't bullying in a private school - if the school doesn't have a comprehensive anti-bullying program - they have bullies. The only exception might be a very small school or some wonderful quirk.

[John Q. Citizen]

12. Good for you. My kids public school takes a strong stand and actually

follows through.

As a result, there isn't much going on. They don't tolerate taunting, name calling etc.

It doesn't mean that they expel or even suspend over minor incidents. It means they talk to the offender, and to the parents, and explain that it's not acceptable.

This nips the problem in the bud, and there are far fewer serious problems as a result.

An ounce of prevention...

[davsand]

77. Small schools have bullies too.

Not to burst your bubble, but we have assholes out here in the sticks too. I grew up out here, I was physically imperfect, and I was teased and bullied up to the point that I learned how to fight back. I found out that the teasing stopped when I made it PAINFUL for anyone to mess with me.

My kid is living with it to some degree now, and it is tough to watch. She wants to be "nice" to the ones who tell her to take off her "ugly mask" while they are in the lunch room (she is perfectly lovely, BTW.) I'm of the opinion that if she'd learn to reply in kind they'd probably shut the hell up. We'll see. Thus far she's taking her chosen path and that is as it should be. If it is needed she can take mine and I'll support her when she does.

I'd like to call the parents, and I have spoken to the Principal, but I know full well that they can't BE there all the time--and kids wait to do this stuff when adults are not around. I have been prohibited by Material Girl from contacting the parents thus far, but I'll tell you they were the some of the same assholes that messed with me as a kid. (Seems that the fruit doesn't fall too far from the tree--eh?)

Yeah, I have an attitude, and I damn well earned a right to it. I honestly think that most people who have been bullied feel that pain for a lifetime. They make that choice between being "Nice" or fighting back every day of their lives after they leave grammar school. I am what I am, and I honestly don't take much from anybody these days.

My kid may end up that way too--I honestly hope she's not forced into it.

Anyhow, I'll tell you it isn't much better out here in the small towns either.


Regards!


Laura

[goddess40]

102. Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that small schools don't have their share

I was just thinking they might be able to get away without a comprehensive bullying program because a few on the ball staff could really make a difference. While in a big school a few staff members can hardly make a dent, they might be able to provide a safe zone but they really don't affect the actual problem.

I try to avoid the word teacher because any adult that spends time in a school can make a difference- even a parent that keeps after the administration. Although it can come with a risk. At my son's grade school the principal was notorious for ignoring bullying - to the point that we parents told him we would call the police in the future rather than deal with is non-action. After one mother did press charges against a student for slapping her son in the face the principal decided to get even. She came to school to do her regular volunteer work. After she had signed in and went to the class room the teacher told her she needed to talk to the principal. She went to her office and he told her she needed to leave. Which she did and went to the police dept. to check on what was happening with her son's case. After she got to the PD the detective told her that the principal had phoned the police on her telling them that there was an angry parent in the building and he was worried that she might do something serious - they sent a squad car.

[mentalsolstice]

80. I hope you win

And I hope you're able to make a difference. This is an issue that is too overlooked. As adults...those that weren't bullied often look the other way with a "there go I but for the grace...", and those that were bullied just simply want to repress the memories and move on (understandably so, and I'm guilty of this!). Someone has to take a stand!

[Dr Fate]

6. I was bullied until I was about 15.

I finally got fed up & beat the crap out of a couple of dudes and realized that fighting back was not so hard. I guess I was just chicken up until that point. I've still been non-violent unless provoked after that.

People dont realize just how scary it can be. I also believe this needs to be adressed more- I think we forgot about Columbine already.

[goddess40]

8. They like to blame Columbine on other things

because to admit it was bullying means that adults and the other students have to assume some of the responsibility of the outcome of that horrible day.
While I don't condone what those to boys did I can understand that years of torture can lead people to do horrendous things.

[dsc]

10. I admit that when Columbine happened one part of me said

but for the grace of God. I was a very pissed off, lonely kid in middle and early high school due to near constant abuse. I am not proud of that fact, but it is true. I never did find the courage to fight back. Glad you did.

[Counciltucky]

16. Fully agreed.

I was in the same boat. If only I'd have really taken some swings. But I really didn't want more pain (both physical and emotional).

[bluestateguy]

25. This reminds me of a story

Back when I was in middle school I remember this tall red-haired lanky kid who was constantly bullied for being slow. He wasn't retarded, but he had many learning disabilities and was in a lot of remedial classes. He was picked on a lot by other kids, and he put up with it, following the naive advice that says the bullies will stop if you just ignore them.

One day in shop class I guess he just blew a microchip, because after another round of teasing and bullying, he took one of those metal stools and smashed it over one of the bullies head. The paramedics had to come and take that kid to the hospital on a stretcher. I assume the red-haired kid was expelled, as I never saw him again, but I'll tell you what: there was a lot less school bullying for the rest of that year.

[John Q. Citizen]

33. Where were your parents? n/t

[dsc]

39. I was afraid to tell them

I was being called gay, and though I wasn't sure it was true, I wasn't sure it wasn't. I didn't want to have to deal with telling my parents I was being shamed for being gay so I simply didn't tell them. My grades remained high, due to both being bright and knowing I needed good grades to leave town, and I was able to attend most days thus it wasn't apparent that I was having problems.

On edit: My family was also dealing with my grandmother's death and my dad's heart attack while I was in 7th and 8th grades respectively. I didn't particularly want to bother them with my issues at a time like that.

[John Q. Citizen]

45. That's really a tough place to be. I empathize with you.

My feelings are that bullies are emotionally lacking, they didn't get enough love or something. Well adjusted kids don't bully. They may be inconsiderate or thoughtless at times, but bullying is an indication that somethings wrong.

I think it's the responsibility of adults (school, parents) to intervene and to stop the tormenting. I think intervention works well, usually, and if it doesn't then the next step is suspension or expulsion. Schools should be safe places for everyone.

Assault is a crime, and should be treated as such. But it shouldn't get that far.

[dsc]

46. Things have changed a bit for the better

but not as much as I would like to see. I don't think a teacher would dare tell a kid that if he were more manly he wouldn't get picked on like happened in my case. Conversely, in the age of you tube there are some pretty hellish humiliations that have happened. I am glad that some of my lesser moments weren't posted for all the world to see.

[Dyedinthewoolliberal]

43. Amen!

Very similar to my story too. Until you stand up to a bully, they will always bully you. Once you do, they don't. That's why they are bullies.

[LibDemAlways]

11. There's a photo in my 8th grade yearbook of a

boy everybody loved to torment. The photo shows him having his sweater being literally ripped off of him by two girls. That was in 1966, and nobody thought to keep that pic out of the yearbook. Very funny and all.

Probably the only progress we've made since then is that the pic wouldn't be published today. The kid would still be bullied though. That part hasn't changed.

[Counciltucky]

13. Schools don't give a shit about bullying.

Take it from someone who was bullied, especially in middle school. The teachers didn't care, the principals didn't care, and the bus drivers didn't care. They didn't care. I've never been the most physically imposing person in the world, I was nerdy, I took things personally, and I never liked fighting. I was a perfect fucking target for bullies. And nobody in that heavenforsaken school wanted to do shit to stop it. It was relentless. And their unwillingness to stop it only served to further enable bullies.

I'm 25 years old and still lose sleep due to some of the shit that happened. I really wish I'd have done something about it, but I felt powerless.

Did I need psychiatric help? Yes I did, but nobody really thought about it at the time. I did get some after my first two years of college and it has helped a lot. But that doesn't take away all the shit that happened back then.

There are times where I wish I'd have gone Columbine when I was in Middle School, and even now I find myself thinking that things would've been better if I had.

Only now do I realize that people bully for the dual sakes of assertion and entertainment, and that I fed right into it. But how the hell was I supposed to see that as a 12-year-old? All I wanted was to not be picked on and to just have an average school day. Fat chance of that ever happening.

I don't know what specifically needs to happen, but something needs to be done to bullies. Maybe throw 12-year-old bullies in prison for a week and let them get repeatedly ass-rammed by a former schoolyard bully named Bubba, scar them for life like they scar so many of their victims.

The worst part? When I tried to defend myself, *I* got punished by the school! Ain't that a bitch? I was damned if I don't and damned if I do. Sure, the bully would get punished too, but what did he care? I would get punished for defending myself! So if I got bullied and took it, they knew they could keep doing it, and if I got bullied and fought back, they knew I'd most likely get in trouble. Win-win situation for them.

The memories which I still carry and cannot separate myself from are still pervasive in my mind, and they helped shape who I am today. That can be viewed as a good thing and/or a bad thing. I wish I didn't have to carry those memories with me, though. I wish I'd have had someone -- the law, the faculty, anyone (aside from my parents, who did help a lot but were limited within school grounds) -- try and stop it. Hopefully this case will lead to very intense legislation against bullies.

There is no good reason for bullying. Ever. I have no sympathy for them whatsoever, and I wouldn't argue against the harshest punishments possible for them.


(Edited to correct a spelling error.)

[ScreamingMeemie]

20. "All I wanted was to not be picked on and to just have an average school day."

You said it. I remember watching the clock in 8th grade. Up until that point, I had friends and was well liked. 8th grade girls can be real b*tches and I was picked to be completely ostracized alienated and made fun of. I used to hang out in the library at lunch until I was caught... and threatened with suspension for skipping lunch. That year affected me. The stance the school took against me made me realize they were the bullies as well. One lone teacher stood up for me and put a stop to it. I was lucky. But I well remember looking at the clock as it slowly ticked toward 2:35, having my father drive me to school, begging him to switch my school and trying to find new and devastating illnesses to get out of school. I remember going to school with my hair sopping wet in the winter hoping that I would catch pneumonia. :hug:

I'm so grateful my daughter didn't suffer that. She has higher self esteem than I...but I worry for my son.

[Counciltucky]

27. 8th grade was a little better for me in that aspect...

...though I'm not a girl, so there's a bit of difference.

6th grade, though ... if I had to choose between re-living 6th grade and death, I'd find the nearest bottle of sleeping pills.

I never had the same interests as others my age. I liked politics (go figure) and I was never really into much athletic. The latter would eventually change a bit, but not at that point. And that's all that mattered back then: aggression. And I wasn't into it. And I paid the price. And no teachers cared to stop it. I actually quit telling teachers because they wouldn't do anything about it. Crap, the PRINCIPAL told me, "Don't tattle."

How the hell am I supposed to avoid bullying when the faculty tacitly encourages it?

[Canuckistanian]

40. Jeez, what a nightmare

I've had my experiences with bullies as well. A group of them even held a knife to my throat one day.

I think they gave up after seeing that I didn't react to them. I just froze and looked at them. I wasn't going to be their entertainment that day.

And I think that's the key. Take away the fear, cowering, and begging and the bullies realize that you're not going to be their play toys.

The problem is, as you say, how the Hell is a 12-year old going to gain that knowledge in this society?

[Counciltucky]

42. That's the problem.

Teaching a non-aggressive 12-year-old to not be scared of his naturally aggressive classmates? That'd be like teaching a tabby cat to not be scared when surrounded by Dobermans.

(On edit: THEY HAD A KNIFE TO YOUR THROAT?! HOLY SHIT!)

[Canuckistanian]

74. I knew they wouldn't use it

They were tough, but not that tough. They ruled the schoolyard with intimidation, not actual violence.

There were always "rumours" that they had beaten up a kid here, a kid there, but we never saw any of it.

I suppose if anyone had REALLY challenged them, they would have run away.

[Odin2005]

60. I too got in trouble for fighting back against a bully.

fortunately I wasn't punished because my mom raised holy hell with the school, threatened to sic lawyers on them, etc.

[AshevilleGuy]

86. The IDIOT principal of my grade school

when asked what we should do when bullied, replied "You should fight back, then let me paddle you!". She had the dull eyes of a person with room temperature IQ.

In October 1962 she also went room to room telling us that "You had better get right at church this Sunday, because the Russians might bomb us and you will be killed and go to hell!".

And high school was much worse, if you can even imagine.

[Nevernose]

98. Schools, for the most part, DO give a shit.

I know, because I was bullied throughout middle school, and now I'm a teacher.

Middle school, by the way, is the worst. Absolute hell. Kids are trying to prove themselves, they're in radically different states of maturity, and it's the make-it-or-break-it years of self-image and self-esteem.

Okay, some of those people grew up and became grown-up versions of bullies (PE coaches and Principals), granted, but most of us turned out alright. But most of us are on the lookout. We hate that shit.

But really, what are we supposed to do?

For one, everybody gets punished equally. That's your parents' fault. Zero tolerance. Popular among those who have no idea how schools really work. Also popular among those school districts that have been sued. It's a very litigious society, as the OP demonstrated.

Also, I see a 180 kids a day. I love them all, very much, as if I were their father. Sometimes I have problems falling asleep at night because I'm thinking about them. My own kid sometimes suffers because of the sacrifices I make for my students. Being put in charge of someone else's kid is a massive responsibility, and one I take very seriously. Most of us feel that way. Even the shitty teachers wouldn't have gotten into this field if we didn't care.

But we can't be everywhere at once. We can't monitor every section of the locker rooms (though admittedly, in my experience, gym teachers have no interest in monitoring ANY of them). We can't watch every kid in every class at every possible moment. We can't read every disparaging note passed; we can't see every spitwad shot; we can't see every foul gesture; we can't see every threatening act. We can't see every incident of violence in the hallways, or every be aware of every emotion of every student. It's impossible.

And in the end, what are we supposed to do? There are laws and regulations about these things. If it comes down to your word versus someone else's, then what's an administrator supposed to do? They're bound by the equal protection clause of the fourteenth amendment. They can't just decide what's right and what's not: they have to prove it.

And beyond proving it, what can they really do? Tell the bully not to be an asshole? Give them a stern lecture? Listen, if I was allowed to beat the living shit out students, there are a few that would receive the asswhipping of their lives -- but in the end, it would not change the person they are; it would do no good. We teach whomever we're told to, bullies and victims alike, and whether they deserve a good education or not.

If you could tell me what the schools are supposed to do, reasonably and pragmatically, then the book deal would make you a millionaire, and I'd be forever in your debt.

[Jonathan50]

17. I was kind of small for my age and two years ahead of my class.

I got bullied a lot through grade and high school.

That was forty years ago.

Now I take delight in rubbing wingnut's noses in their intellectual inferiority.

"Revenge is a dish best served cold" -Pierre Choderlos de Laclos.

[The Straight Story]

24. I remember one bully

He wasn't always a dick, but could be sometimes.

He picked on me one day in the hallway and several other kids stood around while he was blathering something rather rude.

I simply shrugged, though I was pissed, and said "It's ok Ronnie, Jesus told people to turn the other cheek and he loves you too man." and walked away from my locker to wood shop (where he was going too).

He came up to me later and said he was sorry for being a dick, I never hurt anyone and he was just having fun. He never did it again.

We saw each other a lot and I am not sure what got into him that day. It hurt my feelings, but I was not about to make it all worse and egg it on. Maybe because I carried my bible in school, played chess, and D&D a few snickered at me :)

[Counciltucky]

29. You're a lucky one.

That requires that the bully takes your words to heart -- something many bullies don't care to do.

[The Straight Story]

32. He was the kind that put on a show for people

but deep down he seemed to be a nice guy. No one around and he was cool. I think he was trying to fit in more than anything.

[tularetom]

21. "You're either a bully or a toady or one of the nameless rabble of victims"

Sounds like not much has changed since the days of Ralphie in a Christmas Story. What he did is still the best way to deal with a bully. Confront the fucker and deal with what happens next. You might be surprised how it winds up. In any event, you probably won't have to defend yourself again.

[Counciltucky]

34. I did fight back once.

This kid named Aaron -- big, large, relentless in harassment -- was always wherever I was in 6th grade. Both played trumpet, both rode the same bus, etc. He would not stop. So one day late in the school year he clocked me in the nose (with two of his friends surrounding me) on the bus. I started bawling out of frustration -- the bus driver didn't do anything about it, and nobody claimed to have seen it (though two people who were neutral stepped up the next day and said they saw it). But then a plan developed in my mind and I followed through. My bus stop was before his, and his seat was behind mine at the front of the bus. When my stop came, I got up, turned around, and in front of the entire bus, clocked him in the nose right back with all my might. He grabbed my arm in anger, I yanked my arm away from his grasp, and proudly walked off the bus. He responded as the bus drove off by flipping me off (like he did every day) and tearfully screaming, "Go to hell, asshole! Your mom's a whore!"

He's still a dickhead, but he didn't pick on me the same way again. If something bad happened to him to this day, I'd chuckle with glee. And I shouldn't tell anyone his name, but if you were to guess Aaron Wallace of Council Bluffs, Iowa, you'd be one hell of a guesser.

[ComerPerro]

23. Good for them. Bullying has been overlooked by school staff for years

[AngryOldDem]

41. I'm glad to see this

Schools need to wake the fuck up and see that bullying IS a problem, and it IS more prevalent than what they want to believe. Who knows -- if they crack down on this shit in elementary school, it may save some lives in high school.

Kids can be brutal -- I am amazed at what they say and how they act at times, and I as a parent went 'round and 'round with my kid's elementary school when he was targeted by some punks there. I should have just saved my breath.

In another example, one Friday when she was in fifth grade, my daughter was sexually harrassed by a male classmate, and the teacher (a sub) who witnessed it decided not to report it until the following Monday. Just wasn't important enough. I got on the phone before they all left for the weekend and demanded that the incident be taken seriously then and there. It was.

School and parents need to work together, and in my experience the former rather than the latter often hinders the communication process. Maybe lawsuits will wake them up.

[mentalsolstice]

51. There should be federal harassment laws for schools

Just like there are sexual harassment laws for the workplace, specifically where a threatening environment has been created. I have very mild cerebral palsy. Up until the 6th grade, I went to school with kids I'd known since being a toddler, and enjoyed being with them. Then my parents moved to trendy new development where they could play golf all the time. After that, every day was an exercise in sheer survival for me. None of the adults at school, or on the bus, lifted so much as a finger to help me out...and believe me the harassment was pretty blatant and severe (resulting in physical injuries), they had to have seen it. For the most part, they looked the other way. One teacher even told me I didn't belong there, that I should be at a school for special kids (even though I could walk, swim, ride a regular bike, and had above average intelligence).

My parents had both been popular kids growing up, and they treated my disability and my situation like it was the big pink elephant in the middle of the living room. Ignore it and it will go away. Or else it was my fault because I didn't say the right things, didn't act the right way, wasn't friendly enough, etc. Except for one time, when one of my wounds became infected, they ignored the scrapes and bruises I came home with. When I was in the 10th grade we moved to a small town. My parents wanted me to be popular in high school as they had been. However, it was too late. After four years of simply trying to survive, I had gone from being a precocious, outgoing child, to being introverted and totally non-trusting of everyone. And at age 46, I'm still scarred, literally and figuratively, from those years.

Don't let this happen to other children.

[dsc]

53. that is such a sad story

and your parents let you down bigtime. I am sorry that happened.

[mentalsolstice]

70. See post #64

I just hate to hear that it's still happening to kids!

[Midlodemocrat]

54. I'm so sorry that happened to you.

:hug:

[mentalsolstice]

69. Back atcha!

Adulthood has been much better so far!

[Counciltucky]

82. Same to both of you.

[ScreamingMeemie]

56. I'm in tears reading your post.

I would die for my children and it's so very hard for me to let them fight their own (albeit small) battles. I cannot imagine not wanting to do that for one's own child.

I'm so sorry you experienced that.

[mentalsolstice]

64. My parents were totally unprepared

My dad was a golden-boy jock in his younger years, and still is even in his 70s. And my mom, well, let's just say she had/has issues. They were both loving parents in some ways, but they have never been real good about stepping out of their own shoes and walking in another's. To them, the answers were so easy. And they really did want to instill some independence in me, and refrained from over-sheltering me. However, sometimes it went too far.

Luckily, I finally "found" myself in college, dated and had friends throughout young adulthood. Had an interesting career which enabled me to travel a lot, and work on compelling issues. And I'm now married to wonderful, compassionate, intelligent man, who is also heart-achingly handsome. So what comes around, goes around. Life is good!

However, it breaks my heart when I hear stories such as the one in the original post. Harassment in schools is a much over-looked issue!

[zalinda]

65. Yes, parents can make a difference

my son told me after Columbine that he had those thoughts, and that if it hadn't been for me talking to him, he would have done the same. I was surprised, I didn't know he had such anger built up. But, I could see the stress build up in him and when it got to a certain point, I would put him in the car and go on one of my "adventures". An "adventure" would be when I would get lost and have to take the long way around to get home, or some such thing. But, in the car, he was a captive audience, and I could get him to talk. Hell, at 30 he still talks my ear off when we get into the car, LOL, I trained him too good.

And yes, I went through all the crap with the schools. The psychologist even wrote a report on how my son was anti-social. I told him, that if he was getting teased and having gum put in his hair, he wouldn't want to talk to anyone either. I was a little glad (feeling a little guilty about it though) when the psychologist had a heart attack and died. I was pissed at him.

My son is an unbelievable man, he will make someone an outstanding husband one day.

zalinda

[mentalsolstice]

75. You were a good mother!

You're son was a very lucky young man to have you in his life.

[Counciltucky]

84. That wouldn't have worked for me.

I get carsick. :rofl:

That said, I was lucky in that I was able to talk to my parents about some of the bullying. Not all, unfortunately -- I was actually very embarrassed about it all, and my dad couldn't figure out why I wouldn't fight back -- but at least some.

[Counciltucky]

87. Teachers and administrators should be punished as well.

If there's ample evidence that they know about this and don't stop, they should be fired. One strike, you're out. It's definitely NOT conducive to a quality learning environment.

[Zuiderelle]

111. Hug...

I had a similar experience in childhood. I'm younger than you, but I know that I will never "overcome" what happened in my childhood. The best we can do is treat others how we should have been trated in the first place. And encourage our children to do the same.

:hug:

[Midlodemocrat]

57. Sometimes the schools with zero tolerance policies are the worst.

My son was threatened by a girl on our street with her father's gun. The bus driver did NOTHING. Didn't report it or anything else, even though she is mandated by her contract with the county to do so.

She no longer drives a bus here, if you get my drift.

And, sometimes the adults in the situation at the schools are the biggest bullies. They pick on a kid, the other kids see it and go in for the kill.

Never let anyone tell you that teachers and administrators are about recriminations against a child. It's not true. Not by a long shot.

[ScreamingMeemie]

59. Oh how well I know that. Our district thinks that because they say

they have a zero tolerance policy, all is well. Parents complain and are hit with,"Well, we have a zero tolerance policy." and that's about it. The unspoken is that what you're saying can't possibly be so. My next door neighbor's son was constantly harassed throughout middle school. Why? Because all the girls liked him. His mother went to the principal and then all the way up to the school board and was told that somehow "It may be the fault of his homelife...growing up in a one parent home you know". I know this because I was there to lend support and be a witness. She ended up having to call the police and have them get involved to force the school to do something.

[bluestateguy]

61. School administrators are not the sharpest people

"Zero tolerance" policies are just bumper sticker slogans masquerading as an effective policy.

[hedgehog]

58. I was severely bullied at work at two different jobs.

It was verbal abuse by other employees and unfair treatment by management at both places. I thought I had to suck it up and take it, so I did. Now I realize that I have a lot of scars. I used to be outgoing; now I am very shy.

[mentalsolstice]

66. It really does suck a lot out of your self-esteem!

:hug:

[hedgehog]

93. Self esteem nothing - it converted chronic low level depression into

full blown clinical depression! Come to think of it, I think my first grade teacher (a prime bully, believe me) triggered my depressive tendencies to begin with!

[mentalsolstice]

96. Do what you need to do...

to make yourself strong! No child should have to perceive school as a boot-camp survival training!

My thoughts are with you! PM me!

[ReadTomPaine]

62. When I was younger, I had a habit of breaking bullies...

I can't abide bullies, it's a personal quirk. One nice thing, however, is that you never feel sorry, no matter what you do to them. I used to keep a jar filled with the teeth I'd knocked out of their faces in my school knapsack.

The sound of their teeth clattering against the glass jar in my backpack was usually enough of a deterrent, after that initial meeting. Ahhh, youth.

[mentalsolstice]

67. Wish I'd known you back then! n/t

[ReadTomPaine]

71. Likewise, Solstice!

:hug:

[mentalsolstice]

76. You're my hero!

If I weren't already spoken for... :loveya:

[Madspirit]

73. The Bullies and Their Victims

Are all kids. Where the hell are the adult school officials when all this is happening? Why didn't the school protect the kid? Why weren't the bully's parents called? The bullies are probably bullied at home. Uggh...I hate this whole cycle of abuse. I thought Columbine might inspire some changes but evidently not.
Lee

[Counciltucky]

85. Hugs all around!

:hug:

Join in...

[Counciltucky]

105. Nobody else wants to join in hugs all around? :-(

:hug:?

[Rex]

90. Any district can have a lawsuit against it at any given time.

Some of you have no idea. Nothing like watching a kid f-bomb his/her parents during a teacher-parent conference!

[Faux pas]

91. The Bully

My son Wade was an easy going, sweet tempered, funny, cute little boy with hair the color of apricots. Unfortunately, those attributes stuck out like sore thumbs in the barrio. He got into a couple of scrapes
from 4th thru 6th grade. He'd come home with some sort of bruise on his face and I'd go into immediate "mom panic" mode. The kind of panic that's in your mind, but on the outside you stay cool as cool can be. I'd ask him what happened, and he tell me some kid had pushed him too far, so he'd let the kid have it. That always ended the fight. I'd ask why the school hadn't called and he'd tell me because he was in the right.

When he got to junior high I was relieved that they had a zero tolerance policy for fighting. One night hen I was tucking Wade into bed, he wasn't wearing a T-shirt and I noticed that he had several bruises
on his chest and torso. They looked suspiciously like finger poke marks.

"What are those bruises Wade?"

"They're nothing Mom."

"Come on Wade, what are they."

"Well, there's this big 8th grader in gym class and he picks on me. He pokes his finger in my chest and tries
to get me to fight with him. I won't fight, so he just keeps poking."

"Have you told the told the coach?"

"Uuh...no...I'm no snitch!"

"Wade, do you want me to go down to the school and talk to the coach?" A fate worse than death for any self-respecting 12 year old boy.

"NO MOM!"

"Well the way I see it Wade, you have two choices. You either tell the coach, or kick the kid's butt."

"Mom, there's no fighting allowed at school. I'll get kicked out!"

"Not if you're standing up for yourself. Since when don't you stand up for yourself?"

"Since it's against the rules to fight Mom."

"Wade, there is no way that some kid is going to keep bruising you. I don't lay a hand on you so he sure isn't going to anymore! If he touches you again and you're not going to the coach, you'd better let him have it. Or he's never going to leave you alone."

"But Mom, I'll get in trouble!"

"You tell whoever that your mom gave you permission and if they don't like it, they can talk to me about it. Okay?"

"Okay Mom."

"Good night Wade, I love you."

"Love you too Mom."

Well, sure enough, Wade comes home from school the next day with a big bruise on his cheek. In addition to the bruise, he has a huge self-satisfied smile on his face. "Mom panic" mode! He kind of swaggers into the kitchen and I'm right behind him.

"Wade, what happened to your face?!"

"Well, that kid started poking me again. I told him to back off or I'd hit him. He just laughed and tried to poke me again, and i jumped him!"

"What happened then?" I asked, barely hanging on to any cool that I had left.

"We were down on the locker room floor and I was fighting like crazy. All the kids started saying "go Wade, go Wade" and they were cheering! Then the coach broke it up. He took us in the office and asked what was going on? I told him my side of the story and the 8th grader didn't have anything to say. I told the coach that you gave me permission to stand up for myself and that you said if he didn't like it, he could talk to you about it. I lost five points off my grade and the other guy got suspended for 2 weeks!! "

Butterflies are beating their wings against my insides. Swallowing hard, I ask "What did the coach say when you told him what I said?"

"That's what mom's are supposed to say."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aftermath
Wade got all the way through high school without any conflicts. His reputation for kicking bully asses proceeded him.
~~~~~~~~~~
The is nothing worse than a bully. I think they should be smacked down at every opportunity.

[ReadTomPaine]

92. Thanks for sharing this!

Bravo. :thumbsup:

[Faux pas]

100. You're welcome, for sure.....And thank you. n/t

[mentalsolstice]

94. Good for you!

You were a wonderful Mom for your son!

However, not all kids can smack down the bully. I'm a girl...so I was never given permission to smack down anyone (oh how, I wish!).And, although my cerebral palsy is barely noticeable (just a slight limp, and a little hesitance with my right hand), it resulted in a lack of balance for me. So I was usually attacked from behind. Most of the physical attacks came from girls, verbal attacks were from boys (although there were many sexual attacks from them).

One thing I do remember...it was a time of racial strife, with new busing laws, etc. And the schools I went to were frequently on lock down because of the threat of riots (which actually did happen twice, with TV coverage). I was homogenized, white-bread, from a fancy country-club suburb. However, I was NEVER harassed by a minority student, NEVER!. In fact, it was quite the opposite. I was "protected". I'll never forget that, as long as I live!

[Faux pas]

99. I can't believe how cruel people can be. Seems like they pass

it down from generation to generation. I wish that you could have smacked them all down. If I had of known you, I would have come to your defense. There is nothing lower than someone who would pick on someone who can't physically defend themselves.

I only knew one bully in my life, he used to pick on my brother. I always got my but kicked defending him, but I never backed off. Finally the rest of the kids in the neighborhood got tired of his antics and they all jumped him one fateful day. He never messed with any of us ever again.

I sympathize with your experiences. I'm glad you survived the torment. Bravo for you.

[breakaleg]

95. Something shocking I learned from my school about how bullies are handled.

Research shows that if a child is bullying, there is no help in notifying the bully's parents. So school policy is that they deal with it at school and NOT involve the parents in any way. In one sense they feel the parents are likely part of the problem with the child's behavior. And in another they worry for the child's safety and how the parents will react if they are notified.

I'm shocked by this.

I learned this when my child was picked on. They refused to do anything. So I told them that I was going to call the other kids parents if they did not. They relented and called. But then spent the entire night worrying for this child's safety because the parents reaction terrified them. Sorry, but that's not my problem.

[Counciltucky]

97. I fully believe it.

Is it wrong that, even though it wouldn't help me at all, I wish that my bullies' parents would've beaten the ever-loving shit out of them?

(I'm generally pacifistic in nature, but the latent anger comes out when talking about bullying.)

[Beausoir]

106. On Tuesday, my 10 year old son saw a classmate pull pocket knife on another 10 year old.

These two kids had been in a verbal argument the day before.

One kid couldn't let it go. Went home, slept on it, got up the next morning and brought a pocket knife to school. Cornered his victim and pointed the kinfe at his throat.

This is small town Minnesota.

The knifer was suspended for one day. The faculty and staff are tight lipped about it but they believe the child didn't realize the seriousness of his actions. They don't want to ostracize this 10 year old.

Sad story all the way around. And my 10 year old was so confused and scared and angry that this had to happen.

[earth mom]

108. Let's face it: Our school system is broken & no one is fixing it.

Between Bullies, Cliques and Peer Pressure AND No Child Left Behind which forces teachers to teach to the test and dumbs kids down = the majority of schools SUCK and yet people call foul when a parent decides to homeschool. :eyes:

What about socialization they ask?

What about academics they ask?

Yeah, uh huh. Spare me the comments because most schools in this country are a big fat joke.

Parents need to demand better of their schools, which obviously AIN'T happening.

OR

Teach their own kids!

:rant:

[gulliver]

109. I feel sorry for the school district.

Imperfect people on limited budgets dealing with incomplete/slanted evidence post Columbine and Jonesboro. It's easy to imagine processes that might make it possible to deal with bullying and harassment. It's hard to implement and execute those processes in the real world. Human error and emotion cause situations to degenerate. For example, the story behind the OP's post above might be made up or exaggerated. Perhaps the child was not shoved up against the wall or was shoved up against the wall in retaliation for a verbal assault against the accused "bully."

Check out Akira Kurosawa's Rashômon.

Perfectly good teachers and school administrators can do only so much. Ultimately, the only failsafe is standing up for yourself.

[LostInAnomie]

112. Exactly

You only get one side of the story. I can't tell you how many conferences I've been to where the biggest bully in the class's parents come in and accuse teachers of not doing enough to protect their child from being taunted, tormented, and bullied at school. They aren't the most objective and trustworthy source for information, especially if they are suing.

Schools can only do so much and the expectations of the public are ever increasing. Teachers are expected to not only educate but become police, counselors, psychologists, nurses, second parents, secretaries, , social workers, judges, and psychics. And all for $30k a year.

[LostInAnomie]

110. I hate stories like this.

Working in public schools, I know that bullying is a problem, but stories like this are unfair. School officials do their best to keep students safe and are, in most cases, forbidden from commenting on the disciplinary actions taken on students. For all we know, the school could have taken the appropriate measures to stop bullying but can't comment. We only get one side of the story, which in my dealings with parents, isn't necessarily the most neutral or factually based.

It all works to give public schools a mostly undeserved bad reputation.