Late-Night Political Jokes for Dems

[Amy6627]

"While in Latin America, Bush visited the ancient Mayan ruins. He then invited their officials to come visit our ruins -- the Walter Reed Medical Center." --Jay Leno

"Outrage today from many Americans, especially the gay ones, over comments made by General Peter Pace, the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. He said he believes homosexuality is immoral. The general went on to say that allowing immorality in the armed forces could distract our troops from killing." --Jimmy Kimmel

"Rudy Giuliani has defended Newt Gingrich, saying it's okay Newt had an affair and that no one is perfect. That's when you know the Republicans are in trouble -- when a guy with three marriages and an affair is defending the guy with three marriages and two affairs, so they can team up and beat a Clinton." --Jay Leno

"You see all those people protesting while President Bush was in South America? Bush hasn't heard that many people shouting 'Gringo go home' since his last trip to L.A." --Jay Leno

"Thirty towns in Vermont have voted to impeach President Bush, but Bush says he doesn't care what a bunch of Canadians think." --Jay Leno

"Nebraska Senator Chuck Hagel -- he's a Republican -- called a press conference to announce he'll be making a decision about running for president sometime later in the year. So, he called a press conference to say maybe later in the year he's going to say something important. This is the kind of bold, decisive leadership this country needs." --Jay Leno

"People are saying Scooter Libby is taking the fall for Cheney. Personally, I think Libby got off easy -- usually when you take one for Cheney, it's a shot in the face" --Jay Leno

"Beautiful, beautiful day in New York City. ... It was so nice that Ann Coulter was insulting gays in the park." --David Letterman

"After visiting Guatemala, Bush flew to Mexico. There was an awkward moment when Bush greeted the Mexicans by saying, 'Hello future Californians.'" --Conan O'Brien

"Scooter Libby was found guilt of perjury, obstruction, and making false statements -- or, as the White House calls it, a press conference." --Bill Maher

"The president is ... on a five-nation tour of Latin America. A lot of people are saying while he's below the border, what a great time to build that wall." --Bill Maher

"To give you an idea of how popular Bush is not ... in South America, he's going to visit on Monday the sacred Mayan ruins, and after he leaves the Mayan priests are going to perform a purification ceremony ... to get rid of the bad spirits. ... And if it works there, they're going to try it in Iraq, New Orleans, Guantanamo Bay, Ground Zero and the atmosphere of the planet Earth." --Bill Maher

"While he was there, Bush did an interview with the Brazilian press and he said the most difficult decision a president could ever make is sending troops into harm's way. But enough about Walter Reed." --Bill Maher

"Obviously, this has come at a bad time for the White House. Usually, you want the conviction of a high-ranking official and the veterans-sleeping-in-moldy-rat-holes stories on different days." --Jon Stewart

[Cabcere]

Nice.

K&R for this - I needed a smile today. :) Thanks!

[yardwork]

1. My favorite

"The president is ... on a five-nation tour of Latin America. A lot of people are saying while he's below the border, what a great time to build that wall." --Bill Maher

[intaglio]

2. My partner just commented

If ann Coulter is out in the park she'd better be careful or they might drag her off to the Dog Pound

[TahitiNut]

5. True. She's too vicious to be allowed in the petting zoo.

:shrug:

[LeftishBrit]

3. I love the one about Bush's popularity

"To give you an idea of how popular Bush is not ... in South America, he's going to visit on Monday the sacred Mayan ruins, and after he leaves the Mayan priests are going to perform a purification ceremony ... to get rid of the bad spirits. ... And if it works there, they're going to try it in Iraq, New Orleans, Guantanamo Bay, Ground Zero and the atmosphere of the planet Earth."

And the one about the risk of immorality distracting soldiers from killing. (Yes, they might decide to make love not war!)

[ComerPerro]

4. I am so over Jay Leno though. He spent so much time as a Bush whore

and pimping Ahhnold. I have no interest in him. And now, finally that, what, 70 percent of the country has been against Bush for over a year, he starts making jokes about Bush.