Breaking news; dateline Guantanamo Bay, Cuba

[flamin lib]

Khalid Sheikh Mohammed has admitted to masterminding the 9/11 attacks and thirty other terror operations against the United States. In secret testimony behind locked doors he disclosed both verbally and in writing that he was responsible for both attacks on the World Trade Center, had planned the USS Cole attack and personally beheaded US journalist Daniel Pearl. According to sources close to the case he also admitted to the JFK assassination, changing the 2000 presidential vote in Florida and being the father of Anna Nichole Smith’s baby. A high-ranking administration official, speaking on condition of anonymity, said investigators had hoped to learn of his involvement in the Columbine shootings and Rudy Guliani’s last divorce but Mohammed ran out of fingernails and the battery was dead on the cattle prod.